grace777 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I'm back - wondering if I could get some insight from you guys. Recap - I was in a relationship for 3.5 years. We broke up about 9 or 10 months ago. I can officially say I'm over her (we're both women), thank GOD! We've gone through a lot in the roller coaster of post breakup drama. When we were together we were very much in love. The time was filled with deep, connected, romance and super fun times. The last month is when things went downhill fast. Ultimately, she cheated on me and is still with the other woman now. A year before we broke up, she had to move out of state for a couple of years for work. That, obviously, made things a challenge - the long distance was hard. We tried, and it didn't work out in the end. But the love we had for each other was very strong throughout our entire relationship. Recently she said she'd like to talk about becoming friends again. I reluctantly agreed to talk about it. I didn't want her to hurt me again. The conversation started nice. We did decide that the time is not right for us to attempt a friendship yet, but maybe later. Then, she dropped a bomb on me -- she told me she never loved me as more than her best friend. This was heart-wrenching (just when I thought I was through all the pain). The one thing I took from this relationship, was that it showed me love and kind of set the bar, other than the ending, of what I want in a loving relationship. I know, in my heart of hearts that the love we shared was real. So why would she now, nearly a year after the breakup, say something so cruel - as though she's erasing the beautiful history that we did share? It upset me a lot. I'd love to hear feedback. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 It's very simple: her desire to 'get back on track as a friend' with you is totally and singularly self-serving. It's for her benefit, peace of mind and satisfaction, not yours. She's given herself 'closure', regardless of what you may feel, or how you may end up feeling. Selfish, self-serving and Ego-boosting. That's it and all of it, really. Of course, I don't need to tell you what you HAVE to do now.... do I?
Author grace777 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Haha - nope, Tara, don't worry. I had been ignoring her texts up until I caved and decided to talk to her - basically to tell her that now is not the right time for a friendship between us. I just don't understand why she had to say the "I was never in love with you" part. It seems so unnecessary and just plain mean.
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 That was your big mistake. Caving. Gave her the perfect opportunity to stab you through that chink in your armour. "Cut me off and ignore me, would you? Well, take *that*!!" You really do need to cut every possible available way for her to keep in touch with you. Like, changing all and every contact channel. 2
Legatus Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Probably to get a reaction from you. When people need some kind of reaction for various reasons they will tell you anything, even the meanest things that you would never suspect them of saying. I think you shouldn't bother with it. As TaraMaiden said it's purely self-serving 3
Inviv_girl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 That is very mean of her to say such thing. I don't think friendship with her is necessary. Move on and cut all ties with her. She might came back at the end but still probably for her own satisfaction, or guilt for hurting you in the past. She doesn't care about your feeling. F her
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