Turning the page- a point of clarity

[Echo000]

my last post was dark and depressed..just five days ago i was miserable, hopeless, consumed.

 

Five days later i am in a much better place. Its like something just switched in me. I got SICK of feeling consumed by this ONE person..just this one person, who was a bad influence in my life, who caused me pain and hurt and was just one small fish in a vast sea.

 

I went on two dates, and they went amazingly well. I HIGHLY suggest people on here put themselves out there. You dont need to sleep with anyone, or do anything physical. Its not about that, its just about putting yourself out there and realizing there are so many options out there (often BETTER options). Better opportunities, chances to meet new people and (eventually) fall for someone else even.

 

You realize, there is so much more to life. I read this book by Eckhart Tolle, called "The Power of Now". Its about realizing that all we have is the present moment, and that our mind constantly is throwing us either into the past or the what ifs of the future. There truly is peace in the moment. Whenever your mind starts to run, realize its all nonsense and that all you have, all you WILL EVER HAVE, is the here and now. There is peace in that. That brings a sense of peace.

 

Another key people on here may find help with: Happiness DOES NOT necessarily equate to peace. You can be in an unhappy place in your life situation, but within your life itself you can still have peace.

 

Its amazing, for the first two weeks after i found out my ex was moving away for good and went NC, i felt horrible. Dark, depressed, miserable. Since then, i have felt so much lighter. So much better. I still think about her, but in a much more detached way. Much less consumed by it.

 

You reach a point where you can take a huge step back, and see that the ex was more negative than positive, and (in most cases anyway) not worth it. Even if the ex wanted me back, i would say fu** off. Still on indifferent clearly, but heading in the right direction. The terrible way she treated me, never again. Never again.

 

For those who are hopeless and consumed by this relatively small stuff (because in the big picture, it really is small), read through some of my old posts and even the one i wrote just five days ago.

 

Things get better if you believe they will, if you surrender to the here and now, and if you really WANT to move on, let go, and live a better life.

 

Smh. These exes..so not worth it. I know mine isnt. I finally see, i deserve(d) so much better. I wouldnt go back if she begged. Its best if you love yourself more than you love a harsh, unkind ex anyway. Kind of makes sense.

 

Best wishes to all.

[Helloprincess]

Thank you for sharing. It gives hope to those who are still struggling and hurting !

[unexpectedlyhere]

Well done on doing so well.

 

"The Power of Now" is interesting. I think my ex was focussing so much on the now, but letting other things consume him (his job mianly) so he wouldn't have to answer the question of what was wrong in his relationship with me. So he was constantly thinking "What do I do today, to plough on?" and that made him unhappy. I was unhappy because I was waiting for his time to free up, thinking his job was the issue.

 

So it's not just not looking at the past and future, but HOW you look at the present, I think. What did the book say?

 

It is useful to be reminded that in the big scheme of things, these are the small things. Still chasing for the big ones though!

[Echo000]

the book stresses the importance and joy that can come from living in the present moment. that doesnt mean one shouldnt plan/prepare for things, but instead it stresses that only in the NOW can anything happen. The present moment is all you have. You dont have the past anymore. That is just a story. You dont have the future yet. That is just a projection of what could be. Now is what you have.

 

So much of us here are dying over something that doesnt even exist anymore. We are crying about a chapter of our lives that is over with. The ex is gone, and honestly that may cause pain but that is just a "Life situation"- i.e a situation in your life that may be unpleasant. You can therefore be unhappy with the situation, but recognize that it is not your actual life.

 

Feel unhappy, feel sad about the loss of a relationship. i still do at times. it hurts. but at the same time, recognize that there is a difference between happiness and peace. Those who are most stable are those who find peace even if their situations at the present moment may be unsatisfactory.

 

As each day passes, i realize more and more also how stupid it is to worry/love/reminisce about an ex who clearly doesnt give a sh**. That used to make me sad, make me question the world. how can someone say one thing yet show such another through her actions? was i fooled the whole time? what does this mean? blah blah blah. They are gone. Its over. Move forward. Enjoy the present moment. And eventually, when the time is right, someone so much better will come along.

 

I am more angry at this point then sad. Next stop- indifference. Because this stuff is so negative, its a poison. Its a choice: LET IT GO. Or let it run your life.

[Chris715]

Glad you're doing better man, wish I was. I'm like 7 months post break up and have probably hit my lowest point. Life ****ing sucks.

[Echo000]

why do you think you are doing so poorly..even after 7 months?

[Simon Phoenix]

why do you think you are doing so poorly..even after 7 months?

 

Very little No Contact by reading his other threads.

[Chris715]

Very little No Contact by reading his other threads.

 

Yep, pretty much. I've been an idiot about the whole thing, handled the break up in probably the worst way possible.

[Echo000]

how much pain are you willing to go through before you let your ex go and go completely NC? and not for a month (or even four like i did in the past), but for good?