Helloprincess Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Hi guys, im a new member but i've been reading a lot of threads Its been 6 weeks since the brakeup. We were eachother first love and highschool sweethearts. After 5 years he decided to end our relationship all of the sudden. He said he wanted to be single and free, no responsabilities, go out, party... Etc. He said we need to take different ways for a while. After the brakeup, he only contacted me to say we should end in good terms. Nothing else. He's distant, and cold. He act as he doesnt even care about me, about everything we shared. I am feeling devastated. I dont know what else to do. I did aply the no contact rule right away. It is SO hard. I feel it is never going to get better. Never. After 6 weeks i taught i was going to feel a bit happier, but i fell sad to see he just doesnt care about me. Please help does it get better? Any advice besides going out with friends and blablabla ?
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Sorry, i know it sucks. It gets better for some and for others you just become indifferent about the whole situation. Don't worry about him, worry about yourself. He's living without you and should be doing the same. It's hard but it's necessary. Just be happy that he was straight about it and didn't give you the "I need space"/"need to find myself" nonsense that's engraved in the front of the dumpers handbook. Only he can change his mind, there is nothing you can do. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be. 2
supaflyz Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Sorry you are going through a lot of pain. Well most people will recommend going out with others. You don't want to be stuck in a house by yourself. That will only bring you down even more because it gives you time to think about it. Yeah I empathize with you. It feels like the other person doesn't care about you at all. Try to pick up a new hobby. I like to write and draw and just listen to music when my friends can't hang out. Hi guys, im a new member but i've been reading a lot of threads Its been 6 weeks since the brakeup. We were eachother first love and highschool sweethearts. After 5 years he decided to end our relationship all of the sudden. He said he wanted to be single and free, no responsabilities, go out, party... Etc. He said we need to take different ways for a while. After the brakeup, he only contacted me to say we should end in good terms. Nothing else. He's distant, and cold. He act as he doesnt even care about me, about everything we shared. I am feeling devastated. I dont know what else to do. I did aply the no contact rule right away. It is SO hard. I feel it is never going to get better. Never. After 6 weeks i taught i was going to feel a bit happier, but i fell sad to see he just doesnt care about me. Please help does it get better? Any advice besides going out with friends and blablabla ?
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 A month later for me and I don't feel anything for anything or anyone. Nothing makes my heart race or change pace. I do what I have to do for the day and usually spend the day just laying down. I have lots of support and all that NC jazz but it does nothing for me. Therapy has been a big help for me.
AllTooWell Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 A month later for me and I don't feel anything for anything or anyone. Nothing makes my heart race or change pace. I do what I have to do for the day and usually spend the day just laying down. I have lots of support and all that NC jazz but it does nothing for me. Therapy has been a big help for me. This is where you are wrong! It is doing something for you. It just takes TIME girl. You just have to keep waiting, keep trying, and slowly you will see progress. Think of it this way. For every day you were together, you added a grain of sand onto a pile. That's 1826 days for 5 years. You are now removing those grains, one by one. That will take time. You can't expect to feel better in a month. You are going to have to be patient with yourself and keep trying. It WILL get better. You just have to wait it out. I'm sorry that you've been going through this, I know how hard it is. I really hope you heed our advice and keep to NC. It will get better eventually.
fujidabruin Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 it is devastating to be the dumpee like me. Good on you though for enforcing the NC. I did too and though it does not seem like it makes things easier, it does give you control of the communication. Stay busy and express to friends and laugh. I know its hard but force it out and see some humour in things. Remember that you are not attached anymore so do not imagine that you are or could be..... you just were.
Author Helloprincess Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Misfortune, im sorry you are going thru this as well. Just letting you know you are not alone. Barely nothing makes me happy either. And as much as i want to go out and do my stuff, at the end of the day you are stuck with memories and taughts. Im sending you hugs and i just hope we will feel better soon. I think i just want to feel better as soon as possible and i get mad because after 6 weeks im suposed to feel better but i dont. We need to take the time to: 1) accept its over wich is a HUGE thing. 2) start our life from 0. Lets not give hope i guess
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) I didn't mean NC doesn't do anything for me. I meant nothing as nothing is affect me. I'm numb to everything right now is all. The support and everything is great or I would still be a complete mess. I'm just going through the motions right now but I know I'm getting better day by day. Thanks Princess. Hugs to you too. Don't put a time frame on it, you'll just be beating yourself up more if you're not where you think you should be when that time comes. Just let it happen. Accepting it is indeed the largest and most difficult part. I haven't given up hope on life but I have given up hope on relationships. They all seem to suck these days. Edited July 31, 2013 by Misfortune
getting_by Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 hey - I am too 6 weeks down the line. ex turned her back completely for no reason (at the time). I have since found out that this was because of another guy and I couldn't figure the coldness of it all - her actions and communication felt resentful. Makes the last 4 years feel worthless, and while she is off enjoying her new exciting life, I am trying to figure out how to start from scratch again. Its a hard place to be. I get where you are at, I have been all consumed and she appears to have moved on so freely. The things that have really helped me is to talk to people I trust (friends & family......my dog!!). I have made it clear that I don't want answers from them though - worst thing is when someone says "you should do this" "if I was in your shoes". Reality is that no one is in your shoes and it is hard to see their logic sometimes. You need to give yourself credit. 6 weeks is no time at all following 5 years. Its a grieving process, much like someone close to you passing away. You wouldn't expect not to miss someone after 6 weeks of them passing ..... this is how I have been seeing it anyway - that person and that relationship is dead, sure I miss it, but its gone and its ok to grieve. Not sure if anything anyone writes or says will help at all, but keep strong. I am considering counselling, I know some people say it has helped them 1
daftpunk Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well, at least you didn't do what I did: Try to hang on to the other person so tight that you end up just choking the life out of them. I pushed her into another man's arms. I haven't the dimmest premonition on if that's where she'll remain or if she'll ever come back. I started lifting weights and I look better than I ever did with her. I started my own company and I get more clients every week-- I'm making far more money than I ever did when I was with her. I've dated several great women, and I've found one whom I really, really like. But at the end of the day, nothing has filled the void that my ex left. And I've come to accept that nothing ever will. This is my new reality. As you progress through life, major events just change you. Forever. When you put your heart and soul into someone for YEARS and they just tear it out and smash it into bits, you'll never get all of the pieces back. But life goes on, so we must make do.
blotter Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Have you ever watched the movie Swingers? I've watched that movie after two different dumpings, i dunno it made me feel better for a little bit. It's about a guy going through being dumped.
Author Helloprincess Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 hey - I am too 6 weeks down the line. ex turned her back completely for no reason (at the time). I have since found out that this was because of another guy and I couldn't figure the coldness of it all - her actions and communication felt resentful. Makes the last 4 years feel worthless, and while she is off enjoying her new exciting life, I am trying to figure out how to start from scratch again. Its a hard place to be. I get where you are at, I have been all consumed and she appears to have moved on so freely. The things that have really helped me is to talk to people I trust (friends & family......my dog!!). I have made it clear that I don't want answers from them though - worst thing is when someone says "you should do this" "if I was in your shoes". Reality is that no one is in your shoes and it is hard to see their logic sometimes. You need to give yourself credit. 6 weeks is no time at all following 5 years. Its a grieving process, much like someone close to you passing away. You wouldn't expect not to miss someone after 6 weeks of them passing ..... this is how I have been seeing it anyway - that person and that relationship is dead, sure I miss it, but its gone and its ok to grieve. Not sure if anything anyone writes or says will help at all, but keep strong. I am considering counselling, I know some people say it has helped them You are completely right about what you are saying. It feels good to know you're at 6 weeks and feel like i do. I'm so sorry about what you are going throught. Me too i talk to my friends and family but they're fed up because there's nothing else to say i guess.... We need to stay strong!
Author Helloprincess Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Well, at least you didn't do what I did: Try to hang on to the other person so tight that you end up just choking the life out of them. I pushed her into another man's arms. I haven't the dimmest premonition on if that's where she'll remain or if she'll ever come back. I started lifting weights and I look better than I ever did with her. I started my own company and I get more clients every week-- I'm making far more money than I ever did when I was with her. I've dated several great women, and I've found one whom I really, really like. But at the end of the day, nothing has filled the void that my ex left. And I've come to accept that nothing ever will. This is my new reality. As you progress through life, major events just change you. Forever. When you put your heart and soul into someone for YEARS and they just tear it out and smash it into bits, you'll never get all of the pieces back. But life goes on, so we must make do. I think you are absolutely right. We need to accept the things we can not change. It is really hard to accept them but once you make that step i guess everything feels better. I'm not there yet. They say you're supposed to accept the brakeup the moment it happens. For me it wasnt the case. Im still having a hard time realizing its all over
emi Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 breaking up never been easy. all people having hard time going throught it. and if u are the one putting more love and effort, of course u cant be able to heal fast. there is no short-cut or easy way to get throught it. sometime it take so much time to realize '' its over''. but try to think positive, and kill all hope that he will come back then u will be fine ( if he does, thats good, if he doesnt, u wont regret u stop your life waitting for him). and dont worry girl, you arent the only one who suffering thing like this at the moment
getting_by Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 They say you're supposed to accept the brakeup the moment it happens. For me it wasnt the case. Im still having a hard time realizing its all over Not so sure I can relate there! I have really struggled to accept what is going on. How things can go from being so great to so bad in such a short space of time, how she can just turn her back on everything without an attempt to try, how she can be so cold and almost resentful when no 'event' has happened etc etc. When you are still asking yourself the "why" questions I think it is really hard to accept. I have only just started to accept that she has moved on, shown her true colours and is no longer the person I thought she was. I still find it incredibly hard to accept the loss of something that was my entire world, and why it ended in a way that we always promised eachother would never happen. The only answer I can give myself is that it is so much easier to 'accept' when you are the one in control and the one making the decisions. I think if you decided to split you would accept that straight away. Also can fully relate to the "having said it all" to family and friends problem. Its pretty hard as it can feel pretty lonely and that is when I find myself getting into that dark place that visualises her with him and getting frustrated that she has move on so quickly. I have decided to give counselling a shot because of this. I also find writing on this forum helps. I am definitely in a different place than I was 6 weeks ago though. so while it is so hard to hear and understand, time is the only healer. Things have to get better .... they cant get any worse than rock bottom right??! Do some positive things for you, and keep strong.
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