I finally understand why NC is the only choice

[reddragon588]

Backstory: My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 7 weeks ago in what appears to be classic GIGS. About 2 weeks ago I finally told her how I still had feelings for her, and that we couldn't be friends anymore and that we needed to stop contacting each other. About a week later she texted me asking for some of her stuff back. I of course returned it. I went last night to return her things. I went in with the strategy of just giving her stuff back, congratulating her on her new job and leaving, but she invited me to talk and I didn't want to be rude.

 

We chatted for about 40 minutes. She said she missed me and missed talking to me, and I said "thank you" at first although I did admit that I missed her as well. She invited me to see her new apartment she is moving into sometime. After leaving, I felt almost a "high", and felt better than I did in a while.

 

However, today has been very rough. I realize now that by continuing to be friends with her, I would just open myself up to these emotional highs and lows and that I would continue to let this just break me. I know that by going NC now, it will likely result in a lot of pain and loneliness in the short term- but eventually it will get better. Instead of going through highs and lows constantly, I will go through a longer low before getting back to a sustained high. I can't be on a roller coaster of emotions and I know that NC is the only way to avoid this.

 

NC is a win-win. If I go NC and she doesn't contact me again, I will go through that low before returning to the high, knowing that it is myself making myself happy, and that the relationship with my ex is definitely over. If I go NC and she realizes how much she misses me, and that she wants to get back together, when she comes back it will mean that she really is committed to me and it would possibly be even better than before when she wasn't clearly 100% committed. Or maybe she does come back and I realize I don't want her back. Or maybe I meet someone else better and it doesn't matter.

 

NC gives me all the power, even if it seems harder at first. But when you contact your ex, you're just living a dream, not reality. Facing the reality that a breakup is really difficult is the only way to truly move past it. Some days I feel like I can't take it anymore and just want to give in to the emotions and isolate myself and cry, some days I feel great. But I just keep moving forward and I realize now how much great stuff has happened in just the last 7 weeks. Finding one small victory a day will eventually pile up and turn into big victories. Small daily victories of getting back into the gym have turned into a large victory me losing 12 pounds in 7 weeks.

 

I'm kind of just rambling on now, but I guess the moral of this is- to all those of you struggling really hard, go NC. You don't have to understand why yet, just do it. Eventually you will realize it is the right idea. I had to fight myself breaking NC so hard at first, and in past breakups I've never even tried NC and it just ended with me feeling even more pain for even longer. It is hard to take things one day at a time, but you really do. It's hard to see the future when you first break up, so just take it slow.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Good job! You are so right! Post this on other threads there is an outbreak of breaking NC and they could use your help!

[reddragon588]

Good job! You are so right! Post this on other threads there is an outbreak of breaking NC and they could use your help!

 

Thanks. It's a fight every day. I think in past breakups, I thought I should just move on, or that if the pain and loneliness lasted past "x" dates it wasn't ok and I needed to just move on.

 

But you have to let it all happen naturally. And that means being sad sometimes, being lonely sometimes, being hurt sometimes. And being ok with feeling that way. Even now almost two months after I struggle with it.

 

But you can only have those natural feelings during NC. Otherwise you'll just get false hopes and false emotions brought on by contact with your ex.

[reddragon588]

I'm sorry for bumping my own thread, but I'm struggling today. I still know that NC is the right option, but I'm struggling so hard not to break it. Seeing her the other day brought back all my emotions of pain and heartbreak and the feelings of love from when we were together.

 

Now I'm really struggling with deleting her on social media (Facebook, Instagram). I know that I have to do this, but I just can't seem to get myself to do it. I'm afraid to do it. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but that's the feeling I have.

 

I don't know why I can't get myself to give up hope that we'll get back together. And I don't know why I want that either.

[aloneinaz]

I'm sorry for bumping my own thread, but I'm struggling today. I still know that NC is the right option, but I'm struggling so hard not to break it. Seeing her the other day brought back all my emotions of pain and heartbreak and the feelings of love from when we were together.

 

Now I'm really struggling with deleting her on social media (Facebook, Instagram). I know that I have to do this, but I just can't seem to get myself to do it. I'm afraid to do it. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but that's the feeling I have.

 

I don't know why I can't get myself to give up hope that we'll get back together. And I don't know why I want that either.

 

What you're feeling is absolutely normal. You go thru ups and downs after a break up and you just saw her so of course you're going to have a rough day. Don't beat yourself up.

 

You have to come to acceptance that your relationship is over. She doesn't want to be in that role w/you anymore and you need to move on to someone who does. Keeping her on your Facebook or any other media isn't going to help you move on. I went NC as soon as my ex ended our relationship. 2 days later I had all my stuff back and I blocked her. I have NO desire to see what shes doing or posting and what I do is none of her business either.

 

Stay NC and don't break it for breadcrumbs either. Don't worry about her feelings if you ignore her text or whatever. Worry about you and your healing.

[LME]

You are doing the right thing.

Deleting social media helps tremendously as well too. for the past 2 weeks ive felt fine about my ex but like you i'm having a bad day today (actually evening more or less i guess haha).

 

I just can't stop thinking about him tonight. But i think part of that is also because i moved out of my college town today and am already emotional about that.

 

keep the NC up