CrimsonEmber Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) *So here's my situation. Its a long story...a very long story. It started of with us living on opposite ends of the country. Him originally being from the same town as me. We had met once or twice but never really thought much of one another.* *Once he moved out there, he came back home for visits and we met again through a mutual friend. A little flirting ensued, nothing to write home about. Once he went back across the country, we started talking through a chat most nights. He worked the night shift, I have unbearable insomnia. Some heavier flirting happened, and we became closer friends.* *This happened for about six months before he was going to come home for the summer. We decided to see if the physical attraction was there, and take it from there. At first it wasn't (on my end), but he was so charming. So I gave him a chance. We ended up getting together.** We went through a little trouble with deciding whether or not the relationship was going to be open or not. At first I wanted it to be open, then I didn't and he did. Eventually we decided to close it off and make it exclusive. That was all well and good until there was the threat of him having to go back to living across the country.** *He couldn't find work around here. And couldn't stay with his parents any longer. So he surprised me one day and told me he was going to join the military. We only had three months left with one another. I wanted to keep it going when he left...he didn't. In the end we both accepted it was going to end.* * About a month before he had to leave...after eight months of dating..I found out his dirty secret. One I wish I could have been forewarned about before we started dating. I found out he was still crazy about his ex girlfriend of three years ago, and speaking to her as if he wanted to try for something again.** *I cried. I confronted him about it in a non-hostile way(as I believe communication is the key to any good relationship), and I decided to enjoy my last month with him despite the nasty shock. We took a wonderful trip across the country for a week with one another, he showed me his life and friends out there, and said our goodbyes.** *About two weeks into basic training(as I was starting to move on), I get a phone call (they only get one every two weeks), and he's crying. My strong, stoic, prideful man is crying over how much he misses me, and how badly he wants me to go to his graduation. If youn knew him, you would see how odd this was. In basic, they're under a lot of stress..but still.** *So I went. I forgave him for everything, and decided to fully support him in all he was going to do. He went to learn his job, and everything was good for the couple of months he was in tech school. He came home for a bit, things were good, I thought he had forgotten about her. I was wrong.* *He went to his first duty station, and I forget exactly what it was...but something triggered my suspicions. I had previously acquired his facebook password through various (non-snooping, accidental) means...and decided to take a look. Lo and behold, I find he's still trying to butter up this other girl.** I confront him, he gets mad and tries to deny. "Oh its just a fantasy.", "she tortures my soul.". Bull****. So I tried the whole breakup thing for a while...but missed him terribly. So I tried to understand, and offered to help him through it. Again, everything was good for a while...except occasionally he got drunk and told me that I wasn't worth too much to him, that he had found the right person (a girl he met for ten days where he used to live) and I wasnt it. Again I forgave him. Thinking that he was just very bitter about being stationed out in the middle of nonowhere with no good friends, and was taking it out on me. Other than that, we were always the go to person for one another. Very close, and love talking to one another. It got to the point where I knew he was buttering up this other girl, but I accepted it as "just a fantasy", and that they got an emotional high off of one another during the valley periods of our relatiinship. Hurtful...but I didn't have to lose him. Well, after a period of that, the line was crossed. I found out he was coming home on leave soon, but he didn't know which days he could get approved for. We then got into a fight for a couple days...and didn't talk. So I happened to be talking to one of his friends, and asked if he had gotten his days approved, I was curious since we hadn't spoken. He told me the day. When I spoke to the bf again, he says he wanted to surprise me. I was caught off guard, and suspicious...but he truly hadnt had the oppurtunity to do so before. I told him my fears and concerns, poured my heart out. I was afraid he was going to make a side trip. Begged him after all I'd forgiven and understood not to make me feel like a fool for trusting him. He assured me it was going to be ok, and I so desperately wanted to trust him again. He was my love, he couldn't assure me like that and then hurt me, could he? Yep. The day he was supposed to be home rolled around, and he called me and told me his flight arrived the next night...suspicious. I asked him to skype me and he wouldn't...again suspicious. So I checked the facebook again and all my worst fears were confirmed. In a message to one of his friends, he basically detailed how he was going to see this other person and sleep with her....in such a jovial tone. Like that betrayal wasn't wrong. Like it meant nothing. He was already home. He showed up at my door soon after I called him and told him i was done. I looked him in the eyes and asked how he could do this, and up until I presented the evidence in front of his face, he tried to deny. But once he knew I caught him, he said it was "because he was done". (Funny thing is, she left his ass at the airport. She doeant actually want anything to do with him. Just wants the ego boost and emotional high, and thrn leaves him in the dust whrn she's done. And he kniws it. She cheated on him multiple times, and that's why they broke up. She even went so far as to bring me into it, asking "why is he with me when she's so much prettier?) I had taken the week off of work, and told him I wanted to get laid, and then we were done. I wasn't spending time miserable. And I fully meant it too. The week was enjoyable, I repressed everything. I was used to it. Now he wants to continue with me and I'm pissed. Im leaving the state myself soon, in a way that it would be impossible for us to continue. I waited about two weeks after he left, then snapped. I finally got the courage to be angry with him. I can never express discontent with his ****ed up actions because he threatens to leave or shuns me for a couple of days. Withdraws all affection. But this time I didn't care, and he literally used the line "shut the f up or were done" On the one hand, Im gonna miss him. Like hell. On the other, he's never going to change. And I am so. Angry. I want to call her and ask what her problem is. And I'm super close to his family. To the point where they consider me their kid. Even extended family like aunts/uncles. His little cousins know and love me. I'm going to have to distance myself from them without giving them a reason. A real reason. Because its too painful seeing them. I want to tell them everything. And they'd give him hell for iy. I'm so angry and hurt, I was so loyal and supportive. I swear I didn't do anything to deserve it. And I was calm and logical during arguments, no unnecessary bull****. but don't want to be a horrible person. What do I do? I need to get this anger out, and I want some sort of revenge or satisfaction....but I don't know what's within my rights? Any opinions...please. Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 He is passing how she treats him onto you. She uses him and dumps him, and he does the same to you. To be blunt you're not really losing anything because you didn't have anything worth keeping. He is a cheater, abuser, manipulator, and is still emotionally invested in someone else. Revenge will do nothing but cause more pain. The best way to get back at them is to drop all contact, block him in every possible way, find happiness in your own life, and move on. 1
Author CrimsonEmber Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) I realized that hes passing on the same treatment. Its just so difficult to let go after having tried so hard, and given so much. Theres always that hope that "oh maybe something will change, maybe he'll realize how much he actually wants to be with me." I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this human being. Im also so angry....so so angry. And I dont know how to get rid of it. Its this black, burning feeling that wont go away. Because I kept giving and sacrificing so much, and all I got for it was a kick in the ass. How do i deal with that? Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Emilia Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 And I realized that hes passing on the same treatment. Its just so difficult to let go after having tried so hard, and given so much. Theres always that hope that "oh maybe something will change, maybe he'll realize how much he actually wants to be with me." I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this human being. Im also so angry....so so angry. And I dont know how to get rid of it. Its this black, burning feeling that wont go away. Because I kept giving and sacrificing so much, and all I got for it was a kick in the ass. How do i deal with that? Insisting on control and wanting to turn a person into someone that suits your purposes doesn't tend to work out. I think you need to work out why you allowed him to treat you the way he did. I couldn't read all your OP but seems he cheated on you several times, manipulated you and kept pulling you back. You kept going back in the hope that he would change.
Recommended Posts