justaworka Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well I wasn't sure what category this fitted into so I just popped it in here, hope that's ok. I really would appreciate some opinion on this. My workplace has been hit hard in the current economic climate and it has been taken down to just myself and one other employee alongside the boss/owner. I need my job, there are not many employment opportunities in our area so losing it would be devastating. I have just found out (3 months ago) that my bosses wife is having an affair (it’s been going on for over a year). She posts on another forum that my wife is also a member of, she does not know who my wife is but we worked out that it was her just by putting her comments on that forum together with what my boss talks about. She has been on this forum claiming that she is neglected etc which to be honest is probably true as my boss is at work very long hours. She is playing the ‘what he doesn’t know wont hurt him’ defense. What we have gathered is that she is seeing 2 other men and it’s pretty much every day. One knows she is married and the other doesn’t. Now I have always said that if I ever found out something like this that I would tell straight away, not specifically to my boss but to any friends/family etc. If it were me I would want to know so I. Now it has happened I am not so sure and it is purely for selfish reasons. If I tell my boss he will break down and the business will close as a result, I am absolutely sure of that. He has often said that she is the only thing holding him together. So I have this decision to make on whether I keep my mouth shut and keep my job or tell and almost certainly lose my job and then really really struggle paying my mortgage etc. My wife doesn’t want me to tell, she says that we are more important than them so we come first. Of course that is true but it is so hard to go to work and look the boss in the eye knowing what I know. He came to work the other day and told us how wonderful his wife is. He got home the night before and she had dinner on the table for him and how great it all was. The problem is that I had read the night before about how she had had sex with both her lovers during that day. Morning sex with lover, home for shower, our for afternoon sex with another lover, home to cook for her husband is not what makes a good wife. I was so so close to telling him. Well I don’t think I could actually tell him face to face, my plan was just to send an anonymous link to the relevant thread. Do I keep quiet and compromise what I believe is the morally right thing to do or do I follow my morals and as a result put myself through some major pain and suffering? This is doing my head in. Any and all opinions welcome.
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Idk if I would tell because some people have open marriages(which makes no sense to me but w/e) and are ok with things of that nature. You would have to find out if your boss is one of those people. You would also have to have more solid evidence other than piecing together words on a forum to stuff you hear from your boss. Your wife also has a point, your morality could cost you your job and hurt you guys financially. Would this link be sent through an email that can't be traced back to you? You can tell him and possibly screw up your life.
Author justaworka Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 some people have open marriages They don't. He has often showed disdain or even anger when he has heard of others cheating and she willingly admits that she is cheating on the forum. You would also have to have more solid evidence other than piecing together words on a forum No, it is really solid. I mean when the boss tells me (as an example) that he had ABC for dinner and then they went to a movie and saw XYZ and she posts in her forum that she scewed her lover, cooked her husband ABC and then took him out to a movie and saw XYZ and is happy her husband suspected nothing I think we can safely assume that the poster is in fact my bosses wife. Would this link be sent through an email that can't be traced back to you? You can tell him and possibly screw up your life. I would just create a temporary account. Hotmail or something (are they still around?) Your wife also has a point, your morality could cost you your job and hurt you guys financially. Yes she does, and she's normally right. If I had another job to go to I would have told him already but things are real bad in our area. I just feel really sorry for him and I feel guilty that I know and look him in the eye every day and say nothing.
BradJacobs Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 The guy signs your paychecks. Back in the day that used to mean something. I guess it doesn't any longer. Would it bother you if you found out he contracted an incurable STD?
BradJacobs Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 P.S. I'd take screenshots of posts along with links (or atleast copy and paste texts). Morality is universal, not just something to stick to when it's convenient. Your wife is wrong.
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I think is wife is right in putting them first, that's how it should be. I would have a hard time looking someone in the face knowing that they were getting shafted. You always have to think about the effect it'll have on your life. I don't feel that he's changing his morals or being convenient with it, per say. You have to also worry about yourself too. Think about finding someone being mugged/held at gunpoint in an alleyway. While your morals/conscience would tell you to help, you would take time to wonder about how it would affect you. You'd worry about injuries you would sustain and things like that. No?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well I wasn't sure what category this fitted into so I just popped it in here, hope that's ok. I really would appreciate some opinion on this. My workplace has been hit hard in the current economic climate and it has been taken down to just myself and one other employee alongside the boss/owner. I need my job, there are not many employment opportunities in our area so losing it would be devastating. I have just found out (3 months ago) that my bosses wife is having an affair (it’s been going on for over a year). She posts on another forum that my wife is also a member of, she does not know who my wife is but we worked out that it was her just by putting her comments on that forum together with what my boss talks about. She has been on this forum claiming that she is neglected etc which to be honest is probably true as my boss is at work very long hours. She is playing the ‘what he doesn’t know wont hurt him’ defense. What we have gathered is that she is seeing 2 other men and it’s pretty much every day. One knows she is married and the other doesn’t. Now I have always said that if I ever found out something like this that I would tell straight away, not specifically to my boss but to any friends/family etc. If it were me I would want to know so I. Now it has happened I am not so sure and it is purely for selfish reasons. If I tell my boss he will break down and the business will close as a result, I am absolutely sure of that. He has often said that she is the only thing holding him together. So I have this decision to make on whether I keep my mouth shut and keep my job or tell and almost certainly lose my job and then really really struggle paying my mortgage etc. My wife doesn’t want me to tell, she says that we are more important than them so we come first. Of course that is true but it is so hard to go to work and look the boss in the eye knowing what I know. He came to work the other day and told us how wonderful his wife is. He got home the night before and she had dinner on the table for him and how great it all was. The problem is that I had read the night before about how she had had sex with both her lovers during that day. Morning sex with lover, home for shower, our for afternoon sex with another lover, home to cook for her husband is not what makes a good wife. I was so so close to telling him. Well I don’t think I could actually tell him face to face, my plan was just to send an anonymous link to the relevant thread. Do I keep quiet and compromise what I believe is the morally right thing to do or do I follow my morals and as a result put myself through some major pain and suffering? This is doing my head in. Any and all opinions welcome. Create an email account. Post a link to threads that identify her. With something that makes him open the threads. Send it from non work computer to his work account. Cover your tracks. Help him get through it. Collect unemployment if the biz closes, but sleep at night.
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