He has a felony conviction for beating up his ex! Should i dump him?

[runningfar]

The police or whatever authority figure will just toss it into the garbage if it's a total nonsense allegation and that's where it ends.

 

I had a friend who was accused of rape when a girl regretted their party hook up the next day when she suddenly remembered her boyfriend. He spent two weeks in jail and would have been much longer if someone didn't come forward with some fluke piece of hard evidence supporting that it was consensual, evidence from the only one of her friends with a conscience and a girl who was stupid enough to blab around. Public defender seemed sure he'd be convicted. It was terrible - and he still lost his job and reputation over it, and she wasn't punished at all for false report. The burden of truth can be a little different in violence against women... I'm not sure how it can be stopped because I think way more true cases are never charged than false allegations, but seeing that was enough to shake any ironclad faith I have in convictions meaning guilty.

[Drseussgrrl]

"Crying Rape" On Innocent Men Doesn't Happen As Often As You Might Think

 

This happens much less than is being portrayed on this thread. MUCH LESS.

[thefooloftheyear]

"Crying Rape" On Innocent Men Doesn't Happen As Often As You Might Think

 

This happens much less than is being portrayed on this thread. MUCH LESS.

 

 

Its the internet...

 

You could have started a thread that you saw a pink 4 headed monster in your backyard and you would get 18 people that said they saw the same thing.!!

 

TFY

[Annapol]

First of all, your BF may be the nicest guy on the face of the earth, your knight in shining armor. Heck, his ex might be the coolest chick ever (or a psycho, and all of this is moot). But, sadly, I know from personal experience that appearances (even seemingly long-term appearances) can be deceiving.

 

Second of all, I'd like to address the mutual friend's assertion that since the ex-girlfriend didn't have any bruises, the guy couldn't have beat her up. One thing about habitual abusers is that they know how to inflict damage that can't be seen. I've got the scars on my arm to prove it. Long-sleeved shirt on a hot day, anyone?

 

Third of all, as another poster pointed out, the legal system doesn't always prosecute willy-nilly just for fun. They had to have found some cause to pursue the matter, and not just on some disgruntled ex's say-so. In my case, based on the pictures alone (of the "non-existent" bruises artfully arrayed in hidden places), the authorities moved ahead in prosecuting.

 

After feeling like I had done enough by reporting the incident (so as to avoid anyone else going through that), I wanted to move on with my life and did not testify or appear in court or anything. They put a restraining order on him and took it from there. He got short jail time while awaiting trial and then was placed on probation.

 

You need to know EXACTLY what happened and what he has done about it since. If it was a tragic misunderstanding, then how did it come to happen, what has he done to avoid such "misunderstandings" since? If something DID go down, how did it go so far that there would be physical violence? If it was an anger/control thing, has he undergone any treatment/therapy for anger management? Does he take ANY responsibility for the incident(s)?

 

Life/love/relationships are a two-way street, and although there is NO excuse for things getting physical, if he knows and understands how things got that bad, you have a better chance of making a good decision with regards as to whether to continue. Conversely, if he just blames "her" without any regard for what his role in it may have been, that in and of itself is a huge red flag to me.

 

Good luck trying to make a good judgement for YOU, hope it all ends well.

[dasein]

"Crying Rape" On Innocent Men Doesn't Happen As Often As You Might Think

 

This happens much less than is being portrayed on this thread. MUCH LESS.

 

The position encapsulated in the above link is one of the most common lies of feminism's many lies. Note that the "report" not a study, issued from the "Crown Prosecution Service Equality and Diversity Unit." is based on a mere 159 "charging decisions," contains no recongnizable type of statistical or scientific methodology whatsoever, and when delving into feminist originated "research" we find this kind of thing over and over.

 

For anyone wanting better understanding of the truth on the topic of false accusations of ALL crimes, not just crimes where women are the victims, see the footnote in this link, particularly the Greer Loyola Law Review article cited... or any other of the multiple sources cited:

 

Community of the Wrongly Accused: The public discourse about sexual assault hits an all-time low: first, keeping an open mind about a rape investigation is 'rape apology'; now, calling for due process on campus is 'rape culture' and 'victim blaming'

[indija]

Grabbing somebody by the arm isnt violence.....but it is now.

 

Excuse me, but grabbing somebody by the arm isn't violence?

 

Why would anyone be needing to grab someone's arm beyond trying to get them out of the way of an oncoming car or such?

 

Touching someone's arm. Caressing someone's arm. Holding someone's arm. But grabbing? Really?

[Drseussgrrl]

The position encapsulated in the above link is one of the most common lies of feminism's many lies. Note that the "report" not a study, issued from the "Crown Prosecution Service Equality and Diversity Unit." is based on a mere 159 "charging decisions," contains no recongnizable type of statistical or scientific methodology whatsoever, and when delving into feminist originated "research" we find this kind of thing over and over.

 

For anyone wanting better understanding of the truth on the topic of false accusations of ALL crimes, not just crimes where women are the victims, see the footnote in this link, particularly the Greer Loyola Law Review article cited... or any other of the multiple sources cited:

 

Community of the Wrongly Accused: The public discourse about sexual assault hits an all-time low: first, keeping an open mind about a rape investigation is 'rape apology'; now, calling for due process on campus is 'rape culture' and 'victim blaming'

 

Ah yes. Feminism. When you just don't want to get beat up by a man.

 

Man, I'd love to go back to the good ol' days when my grandfather came home and beat the living snot out of my gram. She'd spend her day in apprehension of what sort of mood he'd be in when he got home.

 

And yes - this happened on a regular basis. Luckily for him she was uneducated and couldn't support their kids on her own, so she stayed.

[dasein]

Everyone reading this thread, should read the following link, especially those who have posted that "people don't plea to things they aren't guilty of." I can assure you that the scenario in the link occurs every day in towns all over this country. Every single day in all sorts of criminal accusations. Pay particular attention to the section from "Plea Deal Prompted by Vile Stereotypes."

 

http://www.cotwa.info/2012/06/bygones-be-bygones-unspeakable.html

 

Now this is not to say that OP's guy was innocent, we don't know that, nor does she. My point in posting this is not to argue for the guy's innocence, but to draw attention to some erroneous contentions made about the U.S. justice system in this thread.

 

EDIT originally posted wrong link, the above is the correct one, sorry for any confusion.

Edited August 1, 2013 by dasein

[TB Rhine]

He has a felony conviction for beating up his ex! Should i dump him?

 

.....Jesus

[LostInTheWild]

Okay, I see this thread is pretty much dead but I couldn't help but post and I'm glad I missed the back-and-forth going on here.

 

My ex had a felony charge (serious, 3-6 years) and I waited for him while he was in jail (for the last year). Okay, I knew what he was in there for but I also knew him prior to his conviction. It was not a big deal to me.

 

When he got out of jail I watched him struggle and supported him emotionally. He thought he would never get a job and that he would never be seen for more than what he was labeled as -- a felon. My heart broke every time he got declined for a job but you know what? Someone eventually saw enough in him to give him a chance and he finally got an excellent job. I might also mention that the only reason one does NOT have good credit after a felony is because they do NOT have a decent job. My ex had made decent money and NEVER HAD TROUBLE getting credit. FYI -- this makes me mad when people equate prison time with credit scores. Yeah, if you get yanked into the prison system with bills you won't be able to pay and you get out years later -- yeah, your credit will suck (boy, I'd love to meet the uncle Sam who will pay bills while you're in jail ). It has NOTHING to do with experian, equifax, or transunion!

 

The point I'm trying to make here is that felons are ashamed of what they've done -- my ex always hid his problems, even in our relationship (communication was AWFUL!!). But that does not mean that it makes someone a BAD person. Labeling in this society has gone TOO FAR. And this saddens me. If I met someone who was doing well in their lives I wouldn't dismiss them because they've made a mistake. Hell, I'm well off and I've made mistakes as a teenager that have been sealed off from the likes of people that are judgmental and have nothing better to do other than point fingers.

 

Know the person first -- then make decisions about their character later. Do not isolate those who have already been scrubbed from society. It really isn't fair. And my ex is not in prison -- although, the vengeful side of me wishes he was at some point in our relationship or another.

[spiderowl]

Personally, I would be going back to the court case to get as much info. as possible on what was supposed to have happened and what the evidence was. Yes, I'd be scared of what this guy might be capable of. He might have been brought up in a violent household and only learnt when he was taken to court that that sort of behaviour is not tolerated by the outside world. Or, he could have an anger problem and learned how to deal with it. Of course, he might have learned to repress it or only certain circumstances, like jealousy or belittling, bring it out.

 

You need to trust your instincts on this. You could also ask him what has changed and why does he think this behaviour is in the past and won't recurr again? I have a friend who met her partner and they were dating for over 6 months until they had a minor argument, during which he hit her face. She had no inkling beforehand that he was capable of this and it was a total shock. She ended it then. It was only then that she realised she actually knew very little about his past and most of it was what he told her and taken on trust.

[kaylan]

Dont do the crime if you cant do the crime.

 

If a violent act meant many women would never consider dating me in the future, that would serve me right for becoming violent with someone. Unless I was given good reason to defend myself, theres no reason I should be putting my hands on a female or a child.

 

Its not hard to go through life with a clean police record.

[TB Rhine]

Depends on how/where you were brought up, I think. I've never really been in much trouble, but then, I've never grown up around the type of people who would have GOTTEN me into trouble. What they call "moral luck," I guess.

 

Anyway, the poster a few clicks up has a point. Don't judge! Get to know the guy first. Think of all those lonely serial killers on death row; if only some nice girl would just look past society's LABELS and give them a chance. Life is so unfair sometimes...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

He has a felony conviction for beating up his ex! Should i dump him?

 

 

 

Of course, but like most, you probably won't...