thefooloftheyear Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) So your gonna grab the guy get in his face ? You think this is ok? Yet when the guy grabbed his ex he went to jail... I wont touch him, but you are God damned right I am going to get in his face and intimidate the hell out of him...If he still feels like its worth it, then he better not even think about laying a hand on her or he is going to at the very least wind up in the hospital. Sorry if you dont think its appropriate, but when it comes to my kid I dont fck around, OK Skippy? TFY Edited July 31, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 uhhhh. YEAH?! I read the title of the thread and that is all I needed to read.. And that is all I have to say Sure you would....
dasein Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I don't know the law on this, but if you're talking about a felony charge then I'm assuming that's got to have some pretty serious evidence of a beating there, now just a scratch or a few bumps here and there. Nope. Just takes swearing out a complaint and an overzealous DA to intimidate people into pleading out. Happens every day, dozens of times to dozens of people in most jurisdictions in the country where govt payments are tied to conviction rates and "incidence of local crime," when folks are offered probation only for a felony. They plead out, often with pressure from their own public assistance atty who has a clubby relationship with the DA and doesn't care about their client's future. They don't realize the extend to which that finances the criminal justice "industry" in their locale, and then are stuck with a felony that haunts them for a long long time if not forever. Folks could do with learning about and speaking out against the "criminal justice machine" working in many jurisdictions. It is very often worse than whatever social ills it attempts to address. Same principle applies to sex crimes and drug crimes. Sex offender registries are filled with men who slept with their 15 y.o, GF when 18-19 today. Wrong? Sure? Warrants sex offender registry for years if not forever? No. Ever notice today how every small town claims to be the "meth capitol of the U.S.?" Same principle at play. OP one thing to ask is what was the sentence? If it involved significant jailtime, then the chances he did something real are greater. If it involved only a moderate probation and/or community service, the chances of it being as above are greater. IME, further investigation in this case is keeping one's eyes open and judging his behavior over time. 1
will1988 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I'm not even going to read anything you wrote besides the title / question of your thread... Yes you should leave him! Leave him right this second! I had a close friend who turned out to be woman beater. I saw it a little with his first college gf who was overly attached and clingy, and she would hit him and he would not hit her but drag her out of the house when she refused to leave... ok, i let that slide. However, he went full on psycho after she dumped him. He dated a girl for a few years... seemed fine the first year... after that he was controling etc... they were both crazy and constantly in and out of jail just for domestic BS. I finally connected the dots and realized he was the cause of all problems. He even jokingly admited to beating his gf because she diserved it! WTF! I ended up helping this woman break up with him, and cut all contanct with him... she tried going back with him and was put in the hospital and he ended up in prison and with a life long restraining order! i don't know how the girl is doing because she developed a crush on me and told my fiance (GF at the time, this was 2 years ago) that i loved her and was leaving my gf for her (false... we were just friends)...so I ended up cutting contact with her too. I don't need crazy in my life. Haven't heard anything from either of them in over two years. Anyway, the point to my post is this... history is doomed to repeat itself, unless one learns from it and takes action not to repeat it. Your bf can tell you how changed he is etc... and he may be... but a month, to a few years down the line, you may do something that will set him off and he will hit you... or worse. This won't get better just because he says he is changed. I would not risk it. I would pack up and move on.
will1988 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I am of the mind set that a man should never touch a woman in such a way... I have had times where someone I've been dating has slapped me and done some pretty crazy stuff... but have I ever laid a glove on them? Nope! sure i might get super pissed and say some very vial things, and I may punch a hole in the wall or throw something off the balcony, but I've never hit a woman. 2
Forever Learning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Hey I didn't get a chance to read the whole thread (I will later) but my 2 cents for now is that he is probably bad news. I was married for 16 years (now divorced) and my ex-husband got into alot of physical fights with others, including his sister, his ex-wife, and even a woman at a pay phone (of course, he fought with even more men than women, but he wasn't above hitting a woman). He choked his ex wife once and his sister once, I think it was. He and the ex-wife were together teens through their mid-20's. Now I give that glimpse of his history to say that, during the 16 years we were together, we never laid a finger on each other in anger. Oh, but he was still a terrible, rotten @sshole. He just never hit me or choked me. The reason he never did, is it was my house that we lived in, and he was too smart to rock the boat by choking me. He needed a roof over his head. Terrible to say, but I believe that was his primary motivation in not hitting me. Plus I would have called the cops and/or smacked him with a cast iron frying pan while he slept later that night Plus I would have left his @ss on the spot, of course. My line in the sand was physical violence. But, my line in the sand SHOULD HAVE BEEN, emotional abuse. I put up with that (I was a meathead, still am sometimes but getting smarter every day ). Ok, so moral of the story. An angry, unstable guy with temper problems is usually that way for a long, long time (lifetime, sometimes). He may not choke the 2nd wife, might have learned a lesson from the first wife. BUT he can still do great psychological damage emotionally. They are bullies. They just get smarter along the way. I don't know for sure what type of guy this is that OP is dating, but he is probably bad news, (odds are), and she should probably move on. Or be certain (have boundaries) that if he ever acts this way or emotionally abuses, MOVE ON. But honestly, with that in his history, why waste the time? Life is short, so many fish in the sea. Just move on now, save yourself some grief. I wouldn't waste any time with him, I can tell you that. I lost such a huge chunk of my life to an angry @sshole ex-spouse. But that's my life experience, I had to learn the hard way. Lotsa people learn that way, it's called life. Good luck either way OP! Edited July 31, 2013 by Forever Learning
GI_Joy Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 None of us know your guy as well as you do, OP. Trust your gut--if your gut is telling you he's a good guy, then your gut is probably right. Everyone's experience is different, and it seems that most on this thread feel the need to judge your guy based on their own experiences, which I personally think is unfair. It's much easier to judge and err on the safe side then to take past situations for what they are--past situations, and honestly, you hardly ever get what you want by taking the easy way out. Take the past as a precautionary measure and prepare yourself accordingly, but don't close the door completely. 3
Forever Learning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 To be honest here, as the protective father of a daughter, I can say one thing thats for sure..I am going to pull this kid aside and get right in his face and tell him in no uncertain terms that even if he thinks about laying a hand on my daughter, that I am going to have a manslaughter charge against me...On that he can count on... Again, get all the details and err on the side of caution.. Where there is smoke there is very likely to be fire.. If its a bogus deal, then you can proceed with caution..Eh, maybe its just not worth all the trouble...Like I said earlier, he is going to have a hell of a time getting/keeping a job with a felony rap... TFY Yes, where there's smoke there's fire, my motto too. Plus, these type guys will NOT be intimidated by Dad's Pep Talk to not hit their daughter. They could care less, seriously. Once they marry them or consider them their girlfriend, all bets are off. Plus they aren't scared of Dad, no way. And they shift blame and lie their way out of everything (abusive personality type people, men or women).
Drseussgrrl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I also just want to add - NO GUY is going to be all, "Oh yeah, I totally beat the crap out of her. I'm an abusive a$$wipe." I do think many times in situations like this it takes two to tango, but I guarantee this wasn't the first time the cops were called in their relationship and I'm betting they had a very volatile dynamic. And sorry fellas - but domestic violence is real and it's horrifying and you should tread carefully when trying to imply that most charges are trumped up by some psychotic woman. Either way - you're young, and I wouldn't be taking my chances. For the record, I had to get a retraining order against an ex boyfriend when I was about 23. And it started with emotional/verbal abuse for the first two years which escalated into physical. Scary sh*t. 3
ltjg45 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 If I find out my girlfriend has done physical or emotional abuse of any kind to anyone, she will be dumped immediately. I got absolutely no tolerance for that whatsoever. So, even though I hasn't read this thread OP, I do make the recommendation to get rid of him ASAP.
Emilia Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 So, even though I hasn't read this thread OP, I do make the recommendation to get rid of him ASAP. best advice ever 2
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 The so called 'abuse is history, it happened over 2 years ago, and since then, the OP's BF has shown absolutely no inclination to repeat the situation, and neither has she seen, felt, heard or witnessed anything at all, within their relationship, that would indicate any kinds of red flags. He is also close to children in his family, and holds a responsible job alongside his dad. Where do you all get the idea that she's in line to be his potential punchbag, in light of her post and 'testimony' to his current good character?
ltjg45 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 best advice ever Well, what do you expect? The title is all that I need to read. If I get this information, you are gone. I don't see why anyone else wouldn't do the same.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 The so called 'abuse is history, it happened over 2 years ago, and since then, the OP's BF has shown absolutely no inclination to repeat the situation, and neither has she seen, felt, heard or witnessed anything at all, within their relationship, that would indicate any kinds of red flags. He is also close to children in his family, and holds a responsible job alongside his dad. Where do you all get the idea that she's in line to be his potential punchbag, in light of her post and 'testimony' to his current good character? Yeah - sorry that wouldn't matter to me. Felony record for domestic violence is a huge waving red flag all on its own. Stop sign. Do not pass go. I don't need to know the details. Sorry for him if none of it was his fault (which is HIGHLY unlikely), but just, no.
Emilia Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well, what do you expect? The title is all that I need to read. If I get this information, you are gone. I don't see why anyone else wouldn't do the same. I think it usually pays to read the original post and at least most of the thread if not all. That's the idea anyway because it's usually helpful to understand others' opinions, when they elaborate on the details behind the issue, etc etc. What's the point being on LS otherwise?
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 because jumping to conclusions based simply on a thread title is a dumb way of making a decision. I've read threads where in actual fact, the thread title has been so misleading as to raise questions from posters as to what the OP meant by it. it pays to read the thread and get a fuller picture. your opinion, counts more then. It's like Reading the title "A tale of two cities" and thinking, "Who wants to read a book about buildings?" 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 The fact that this is even a question really really makes me pause to take stock of some things in life... 1
ltjg45 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well, the part of the title "He has a felony" brings up massive red flags. And, believe it or not, I have seen untold amounts of people be on "good behavior" for months or even years before they show their true colors. I would be concerned esp. since the OP has proof already that he has already done it and is very much capable of committing the crime again. If you can do it once, you can damn well do it again. Why even give him the opportunity? I will read the OP's initial post later on today and comment on that then but, right now, I wouldn't even bother with him. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 why? What? The fact that there's a woman who's actually considering examining what facts she has, more closely, and taking advice, instead of making a rash decision based on history? Commendable. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 And another thing. If she had just had a few bumps or scratches it most likely would have been a misdemeanor. “Aggravating factors” may convert a misdemeanor charge into a felony, such as when simple assault becomes aggravated assault. A domestic violence incident is generally classified as a felony if it involves the following aggravating factors: - Acts of violence that result in death or serious bodily injury to the victim - Criminal acts directed towards minors, especially very young children - Violent acts or threats that involve the use of a deadly weapon (for example, threatening the victim with a knife or gun with the intent to intimidate them) - Criminal acts that involve forced sexual abuse, such as rape or sexual assault" SERIOUS BODILY INJURY. I doubt he just grabbed her arm or pushed her off him. 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 why? What? The fact that there's a woman who's actually considering examining what facts she has, more closely, and taking advice, instead of making a rash decision based on history? Commendable. It's a felony conviction for assault. Not a harmless crime like dealing drugs or avoiding taxes or something like that. Either he did it, or was stupid enough to let himself get into a situation in which a woman could claim that he assaulted her. There's plenty of men who haven't done either of those things whom a woman like the OP could choose from. Actually, having read this thread I think what I should do is pay a judge to convict me of a felony I never committed so I'll be a chick magnet...
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I've just read your signature Drseussgirl...now that's funny!! 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 It's a felony conviction for assault. Not a harmless crime like dealing drugs or avoiding taxes or something like that. Either he did it, or was stupid enough to let himself get into a situation in which a woman could claim that he assaulted her. There's plenty of men who haven't done either of those things whom a woman like the OP could choose from. Actually, having read this thread I think what I should do is pay a judge to convict me of a felony I never committed so I'll be a chick magnet... In bold: At the age of 18, I would suspect that was more likely the case. Particularly if the GF was younger. And I suspect she was a 'girl', not a 'woman'. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 In bold: At the age of 18, I would suspect that was more likely the case. Particularly if the GF was younger. And I suspect she was a 'girl', not a 'woman'. Either way. The point still stands. My bet is that he's guilty. But if he isn't, he's just dumb. Both are wonderful traits to look for in a relationship... 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Prejudiced judgement is alive and well and living comfortably (single) on LS..... 3
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