MrTurk Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Ladies.... How much weight do you put into the social status of a guy you are dating or interested in dating? Does he need to have a circle of friends, does he need to be busy and active at most times when he's not at work? How rare is it for a woman to date a guy that really has no friends or social circle?
Revolver Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I've never seen a guy who I would consider a "loner" have a girlfriend or be successful with women in any capacity. But I've seen quite a few women who are boring, have no social life outisde of her BF, and little to no friends have no problem dating.
Author MrTurk Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I get interested in other people's interesting lives. So I have no chance with you then?
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Ladies.... How much weight do you put into the social status of a guy you are dating or interested in dating? Does he need to have a circle of friends, does he need to be busy and active at most times when he's not at work? How rare is it for a woman to date a guy that really has no friends or social circle? A man with no friends or social circle is a red flag to me. You don't need to be the life of the party or have tons of friends running in and out of your life, as that is too much for me personally, but if you don't have any people you call friends or go out with....that is truly bizarre. I dated a guy who went to college, had a career, but had NO friends from college. His "friends" were ex gfs and one guy from high school who never went to college. I thought it so weird that someone could go to 4 years of college and meet no one, have no friends and your only friends are exes and one guy from back in high school. Long story short, had I heeded that red flag I'd have known he had tons wrong with him. I need a man with a complete life, who has a career he enjoys, hobbies and interests outside of that and his own friends...since that is how I am and I cannot imagine how our relationship would survive, heck I can't imagine how he'd even be an interesting person I'd want to be around, if he had no life besides work and me. 2
Author MrTurk Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 heck I can't imagine how he'd even be an interesting person I'd want to be around, if he had no life besides work and me. This really doesnt make much sense to me....because when people meet and date...many times the friends arent brought into the picture until a few dates down the road. The woman has already established that she is liking the guy....and is into the things he's into. So just because he doesnt have an acceptable social circle that meets her standards....she's going to kick him to the curb??
Pompeii Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 You are discussing two different things here. Status and ability to keep and maintain friendships/acquaintances. They are different but they do tend to overlap a bit. Women in general, like status. Most women (and people) will tend to gravitate towards those they perceive as higher status than them. Status or perceived status is very important in your perception to women. Why do you think most men's dating advice focuses on being a "high status male"? A person with high status can have a good circle of friends and be the king of that circle while the rest outside of that circle "look up" to him in a sense. A person with low status can easily have friends and acquaintances. Still, a person with low status will often be used as the punching bag of the group or be respected the least of the group. In all of my social circles, there is one guy like this. He doesn't get laid, he isn't respected by anyone in the group, no one calls him to do things, he has to find out plans on his own. Etc. That is a low status male. He will often be picked last to do lots of things, especially when mating opportunities arise.
Pompeii Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 So just because he doesnt have an acceptable social circle that meets her standards....she's going to kick him to the curb?? Females place a heavy emphasis on social interaction. They are the ones who are most often the heaviest users on social media platforms and they are the ones who care the most about gossip. Men have a much higher chance of being "loners" than women do. I don't think I've ever met a woman who describes herself as a "loner". If a man isn't "social" to her standards, she will pretty much assume he is a loser.
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 This really doesnt make much sense to me....because when people meet and date...many times the friends arent brought into the picture until a few dates down the road. The woman has already established that she is liking the guy....and is into the things he's into. So just because he doesnt have an acceptable social circle that meets her standards....she's going to kick him to the curb?? What? When I'm talking to a guy and getting to know him, telling him stories about my day or my life, what I like to do etc. inevitably other people in my life factor into the story. Stuff like "Last year my friends and I went to Peru, it was so much fun" or "Hey, I'm gonna call you back, my bestfriend is calling me" or "Yea I've been to that restaurant/club/theater before, I went for my friend's birthday" "Just came back from Toronto from seeing a friend of mine". Telling him about what I do, where I'm from, funny stories, embarrassing stories etc, ALL those things inevitably include mentioning who I did it with and who was around to see it or experience it with me. Some stuff is solely about me, but since I do not live in a vacuum, when getting to know a man, other people in my life, whom I engage in most of these things with come into the story and from my stories he can deduce that I have a social life and friends. If a man has no friends or social life...what can he talk about??What is he into? And in talking about his life in casually getting to know him, asking him questions about school, work, travel, the stuff I'm into, it would become pretty obvious that he seems not to have any friends.
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) Females place a heavy emphasis on social interaction. They are the ones who are most often the heaviest users on social media platforms and they are the ones who care the most about gossip. Men have a much higher chance of being "loners" than women do. I don't think I've ever met a woman who describes herself as a "loner". If a man isn't "social" to her standards, she will pretty much assume he is a loser. My sister is a loner...she also doesn't date though, she last had a boyfriend back in high school...and a large reason is she doesn't really have friends, doesn't go out and doesn't do much besides watch tv shows...so she hardly meets men and it's like even if she does, there aren't too many interests there, especially if he is a guy who has been living life. I on the other hand date more, and I have never met a man with no friends and no social life...I have met men with weird social dynamics, but not none. The guy I see now prefers smaller groups, he's very introspective and likes his own company and is more of a homebody or prefers to hang out with the woman in his life over going out all the time, but he still has friends and people he hangs out with or talks to. It's just that maybe 80% of the time he isn't into partying or going out with a bunch of friends and so on...but when he wants to do that, it's an option and he does have friends he can talk to and rely on. You don't need tons of friends and I certainly am not interested in gossipy men, men in drama, men who roam in packs or are all over social media...just a man with healthy friendships and who has some form of social life/interests/hobbies in life besides being alive, breathing and typing on the internet. In any case, you are indeed right, women and men should date people whose social standard matches theirs. Nothing wrong with that. Edited July 30, 2013 by MissBee
ThaWholigan Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Status is important to people who care about it. I've been around women who roll in very discreet circles, and of course - being a musician - been around women who only give a f*ck about your status and who you know. It all depends on the circles you roll in.
GravityMan Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 To me, having high "social status" means being well connected, and knowing how to leverage those connections (i.e. pulling strings) in order to get special treatment and/or deals for you and those close to you. For example, the guy knows and is buddies with the owner of that popular upscale nightclub, and can parlay that connection into VIP treatment for himself and the folks (or girlfriend) he's with. Another example is being an executive of a well-known large company...you usually need good networking and need to be on good terms with the right people to rise to that point. Admittedly, someone who possesses such connections (and therefore "power") is likely to be quite popular with certain types of women. Furthermore, such guys are uncommon. For the average Joe...having "social status" is not a requirement. Many women don't care. Having friends vs. having no friends is NOT "social status" or lack thereof. Having a social circle is simply being a person who is not antisocial and likes to get out and have other people in his or her life that share one or more common bonds. For the most part, we are a highly social species. 95% of everyone over the age of 7 or so (and living in a civilized country) tends to have at least one friend or at least some acquaintances. Most insecure people have some friends. The vast majority of introverts and homebodies tend to have a few friends. A large majority of shy people tend to have at least one friend. Most loners aren't loners to such an extreme that they stay away from any kind of interpersonal interaction. Many disabled people have at least a friend or caring family member in their lives. It's just highly unusual not to have any friends or acquaintances AT ALL (even long-distance "old" friends from childhood) and when that's combined with not having any passions or interests...you have a person that's about as boring and unattractive as he could possibly get. It's probable that the person is antisocial...and IMO that's worse than being a douche, or a narcissist, or socially awkward, or insecure, or shy, or very selfish or entitled. Such a person would probably have a hard time landing or keeping any decent job - even those well-suited to introverts, since interacting with others in some way almost always comes with the territory. And any decent person would not want to date such a guy (or woman), and understandably so. Friendless people - who aren't happy about it - should probably carefully look inward and try to figure out why they lack a social circle...if he's getting out of the house, why isn't he ever building rapport with other people. And then take the steps necessary to fix that, perhaps with the assistance of therapy. It's not healthy to have zero friends IMO. Also keep in mind that the older you get, the harder it becomes to make new friends. Many people past their mid 20s already have solid social circles and become less interested in meeting new people...they're not opposed to it; it's just less of a priority. Plus, some people, as they grow older, become a bit more guarded and a little more cynical or cautious of others they don't know well. If you're happy being friendless, then fine...but that has consequences. For most people...a significant majority of their interesting life experiences are not encountered solo...they are experienced with friends, family or a SO. While it's possible to have fun and neat experiences while out by yourself (and that's cool)...it's often better and more fun when you're having them with good friends or a good GF/BF. Good friends enhance your life. (Bad friends can have the opposite effect.) Lastly, one's closest friends can be a good support group when things aren't going so well. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 My guy has one best friend, I have one best friend. It is normal, and I actually prefer it. 1
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