LB123 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) I would like people's opinion on the following, I'm confused and I don't know what to do. So here it goes: I'm a guy dating, or was dating, a guy for just a little over a year now. Everything was like a dream, too good to be true until six months into the relationship I found out he cheated on me with his ex-boyfriend. We talked and I stayed with him because I loved him and I still wanted to be with him. After he cheated on me, I became very suspicious of him. We live in different cities, about an hour away from each other. We would always see each other on the weekends, because of work, and talk on the phone everyday and text throughout the day. So when I would come over his place for the weekend I noticed he always put his phone on silent or vibrate. He would text trying to hide the screen so I wouldn't see. This went on for about two months. One night I got drunk and hooked up with another guy. He found out and he also stayed with me because he said he loved me and we promised not to do it again. After that I deleted Grindr from my Iphone but he refused to delete it saying that he only used it to chat with one of his friends. I really didn't mind him having it. I thought I could trust him, but his behavior about the phone still remained the same. So last week he went to his hometown for a week, a trip that I was supposed to go with him but I ended up not going because we had a fight the night before the trip and he said "it wasn't a good idea for me to go home with him." I was very upset and told him we were done. He apologized and we both agreed that we were not broken up and we were still in a relationship. He came back from his trip and we talked things out to make sure we were good. The night after we went to a music show where he flirted with a handful of men and he had never acted like this before. I saw him exchange numbers with at least two other men but didn't say anything until we went home. Once we got home I told him how I felt and he said I was crazy and I was seeing things. So I asked him when was the last time he used his Grindr, he said, "I don't know, like a month ago" I asked him if he wouldn't mind opening it and showing me this was true. He opened it and I opened five random chats, all within a couple of days, and all of them had naked and dick pictures of him sending to another person and asking for other men's naked pictures and what they were into, etc. There was one in particular where he clearly sends his address and phone number to meet a guy. And after they met the guy replied back, " that was really hot." Needless to say, I was furious and broke up for good. He says he loves me and that it was a huge mistake on his part and he only wants to be with me. I love him so much, these past two days have been hell. I don't know whether to forgive him and stay with him or give it up for good. I suspect it's not the only time he's done it. There have been other times where I found an opened condom wrapper in his drawer, his bed sheets dirty from semen, a hoodie in his living room that wasn't his nor mine and he always reassured me that there was nothing going on. Should I forgive him yet again, and keep this relationship? or is this over and I'm just too blind to see it? I love him, we have shared so many good trips and memories together but is it really worth all of this? Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove bolding and add paragraphs
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Hey hun... It sounds to me like the trust and respect is gone. If you want to feel more pain, stay with him. He has no respect for you. He is also putting you in harms way by having sex with other men. I hope he uses condoms religiously but who really knows? Trust your gut. What is your head saying? Forget your heart for a minute and listen to your brain. You know you shouldnt stay with him I would be done and would never trust this man again. You may love him, but he does not love you. Youre his safety net when all else fails. He knows he can screw other men because you love him and wont leave. You teach people how to treat you, Love. Dont you deserve better? I think you do.
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I can see giving a second chance but third chances should be a definite no. 1
Author LB123 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Hey hun... It sounds to me like the trust and respect is gone. If you want to feel more pain, stay with him. He has no respect for you. He is also putting you in harms way by having sex with other men. I hope he uses condoms religiously but who really knows? Trust your gut. What is your head saying? Forget your heart for a minute and listen to your brain. You know you shouldnt stay with him I would be done and would never trust this man again. You may love him, but he does not love you. Youre his safety net when all else fails. He knows he can screw other men because you love him and wont leave. You teach people how to treat you, Love. Dont you deserve better? I think you do. Thank you for that. My head is saying absolutely not. But some part of me still wants to be with him. I care about him and I don't hate him, even-though I should.
veggirl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Cheated on you twice? No dude, I don't think so...what you mean is cheated on you twice that you know of. I'd bet a bunch that there were plenty of times you DON'T know about.
jesse93 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 a man whos cheated on you once will do it again, they will only change if they truly want to, and my bet is that he doesn't want to change but doesn't want to lose you at the same time i would say screw him he hurt you and he doesn't deserve you being cheated on isnt something he can just get away with.
reddragon588 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I made the mistake once of kissing another girl. I never felt worse about myself and what I did. I will never do it again, because I know whoever I may be with deserves better than that. Your ex has not realized that, and is clearly not willing to commit to a real relationship. Don't wait around for him to learn how to. 1
Pure Life Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I used to not believe the "once a cheater always a cheater" thing. My ex admitted to me that he cheated on his previous girlfriend but since he had done nothing to me I told him I still trusted him, that everyone makes mistakes and as long as he never did it to me we'd be fine. Completely bull**** because he then turned around and cheated on me. So I believe the saying is true. You can find someone better.
daftpunk Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I have a couple great friends who just got married. I'd known him since middle school, and I'd known her since my early college days. I introduced them and set them up. She cheated on him once earlier in their relationship. He was devastated and almost left her for good, but he really loved her so he gave her another chance. I was the first one to call her when it came out and find out what had happened straight from her mouth. I'd never seen her so remorseful and depressed about anything. She's a good girl and a great friend and I'd trust her with my life. Same with him. After seeing how horrible she felt and how hard they worked to keep things together, I have all the confidence in the world that their marriage will be a long and happy (and faithful) one. Long story short, a cheater isn't always a cheater. Period. But that doesn't mean you can keep giving them the benefit of the doubt when they haven't earned it. If they WANT to be faithful, they can be. You just have to be honest with yourself when you ask: "Does this person really want to make a change and earn a chance at redemption?"
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