fujidabruin Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Try to give a quick rundown of events: I was 48 and she was 42 both separated for a year and had divorces granted a couple months into dating each other. I was married 4 yrs and had closure when we met cause I knew my ex and I just were not right for each other. No kids. Amicable split. She had kids 15 and 17 after eighteen years of marraige. He was heavy drinker, depressed, not available emotionally so she raised the family then left him when she figured the kids could handle it. We were both a little unsure if we could handle a relationship when we met on Match.com but we wanted to take a chance and see where things would go. Nervous first date but good. Bonding ensued quickly after that. Tried to wait one month before sex, but passion took over after three weeks and things were great for a year. Good spiritual bond, mutually healthy sexual appetites, and freedom to do individually or together without obligation. We lived in the present and never felt pressure about moving in together. We both stated our commitment until she was out with a GF dancing at a country bar and a guy kissed her on the dance floor. She told me the next day with appropriate embarassment what happened and was having doubts cause she was upset that she put herself in that position. I asked if she needed time to figure out what she wanted. Well, she did not say no but she did say she only wanted me and not somebody else. So I let it go thinking she would work it out. After that her confusion set in and 2 months later she could not stay in the relationship. I was crushed. She asked me to stay close and I reluctantly agreed and we started what we thought was an FWB thing. Of course this was doomed after 2 more months when she became interested elsewhere and I realized I was in denial about being just a friend. So, now she is understanding yet upset that I have invoked the NC clause so that I can get through this gutwrenching recovery without prolonging things. I have no regrets, still respect and trust her 100% but know that I gotta get over at least my strong desire for her. She has left the friendship door open and I expect I will knock on that door at some point. She says she needs to experience things but expects she will want a relationship in general at some point. So I ask you, how will I know when I am ready to be real friends? Also, I wonder if she wants to keep me close for a possible relationship later when she feels she is ready?
blotter Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 You will know you are ready to be friends when the thought of her boning some other dude doesn't bother you.
Author fujidabruin Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Thanks Blotter, as crude as it seems you may be right. The second question I have is kind of directed at the ladies. Because she always said I was so solid, loving, and supportive..... could she be wanting to keep me interested for later on after she goes off to test her free spirit???
Author fujidabruin Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) <Thread merged by moderation> I have posted my story previously and have had a significant shift recently. I would greatly appreciate any sharing about my circumstance here. So briefly: Met online. Great relationship for over a year. Super, mutual respect and trust. She starts to question herself after getting hit on in a nightclub. A month later and admittedly confused, she announces that being in a committed is not working for her anymore. No particular other guy in the picture and we fall into the FWB thing. Particular guy shows up for her about 2 months later and I am crushed as I realized I lived in denial about my emotional attachment. As she confides that she is about to start a casual with some 30ish dude (shes 43) I say I need to go full no contact. I knew the FWB was gonna be very temporary but I was still gutted when it came to an end. Knew I had to take control of any communication to get over things and she was understanding but very upset that I could not accept her friendship offer. That was 2 weeks ago and she left the friendship offer on the table. I have actually worked out a lot of my issues so far and realize that I still have a way to go. I am pretty comfortable knowing things are over for us and I have no regrets. I am thinking I may drop my full NC for one meeting with her very soon. She is organizing a fundraiser event that means the world to her. She does not expect me to go although she did send the invitation prior to full NC. I don't think I will feel good about myself if I skip the event and it may be a good chance to see where I am at in my move forward with her. I certainly am not dwelling on what may happen in the future but I would surprised if we are not truly friends at some point. Any thoughts ladies and gentlemen??? Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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