If a man makes it clear he only wants sex...

[desperategirl]

How does that make you feel? (women)

 

And guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with? Do you respect them? it is something about them that you think makes them 'not good enough' to have a relationship with, or is it other reasons that makes you put them into the FWB/F*&^ buddies box?

 

Also, are men generally attracted to women they want this kind of relationship with, ore are they just opportunistic?

 

Thanks!

[TaraMaiden]

How does that make you feel? (women)

Not desperate, girl, that's for sure....

 

And guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with? Do you respect them?

As a woman, I would find it impossible to believe that a man who only wants sex from a woman, has any respect for her at all.

 

it is something about them that you think makes them 'not good enough' to have a relationship with, or is it other reasons that makes you put them into the FWB/F*&^ buddies box?

....So, this guy who just wants sex with you...

How long have you known him?

And how come you love him, but he doesn't reciprocate?

 

Also, are men generally attracted to women they want this kind of relationship with, ore are they just opportunistic?

 

Men in general want a relationship.

Men in general (but this is by no means typical) are more capable of having sex without an emotional attachment. Women usually (but not always) can only have sex with a man they have deep feelings for.

Women have to feel love for sex.

Men don't. (generalising observations, but relatively accurate.)

[desperategirl]

Thanks for your reply. It's just a guy I've been out with a couple of times: there's no love there!

 

Haven't decided if I'll do it, but erring on not doing it. Also just interested in others' opinions on it.

[TaraMaiden]

It's not a question so much about how respectful he feels.

 

Would you feel respect for yourself if you did it?

 

Me, I don't mind what you do, it's your life, your choice.

If you think you'd be ok having a good bosh for the sake of a bit of carnal fun, go right ahead.

 

but be clear on why you'd want to do it, and how it would affect your self-opinion.

 

If at all.

 

[desperategirl]

It's not a question so much about how respectful he feels.

 

Would you feel respect for yourself if you did it?

 

Me, I don't mind what you do, it's your life, your choice.

If you think you'd be ok having a good bosh for the sake of a bit of carnal fun, go right ahead.

 

but be clear on why you'd want to do it, and how it would affect your self-opinion.

 

If at all.

 

 

 

Exactly this question. I'd do it in a second if I wasn't worried about how I'd feel about myself afterwards! I feel like I'm starting to get slightly more ok with being single, and I want to work on self-respect etc, and worry about setting myself back by indulging in this kind of behaviour.

[MrCastle]

And guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with? [/Quote]

 

I like them on a personal level. I don't just see them as naked bodies.

 

Do you respect them? [/Quote]

 

Absolutely. Respect them as people, respect them as equals.

 

it is something about them that you think makes them 'not good enough' to have a relationship with, or is it other reasons that makes you put them into the FWB/F*&^ buddies box?[/Quote]

 

I'm in my mid 20s, I'm in college. I feel at this point in my life, I want to have fun. I am fully aware of how much nurturing, attention, and compromise is needed to have a healthy relationship, and I want no part of it.

 

I like being single. I like being able to do what I want, when I want to. I like not having to compromise on anything. I don't want a long term relationship at this time.

 

Another part of it is, I have very high standards for a relationship. For example, I won't date a girl who does drugs of any kind, not socially/occassionally, not ever.

 

But if we're just dating? Why would I care? She can party and drink and smoke weed with her own crew, and then we can do our thing, and then she can go back to that life. In a relationship, you're sharing more of yourself, and you're with each other more often, so it wouldn't work. But with casual dating, that's not the case.

 

Also, are men generally attracted to women they want this kind of relationship with, ore are they just opportunistic?

 

Thanks!

 

I'm highly attracted to women who feel the same way I do about relationships (that they're pointless at a young age) and seek them out explicitly. I don't lie to women about my intentions and mislead a girl who wants a relationship in order to sleep with her. I only go for girls who are comfortable with the casual dating set up.

[TaraMaiden]

My own personal opinion is that if I were to have feel-good raw sex with a guy, I'd have to like him to begin with, and have some kind of rapport with him.

I wouldn't be able to pick up some random guy in a bar, of simply have sex with him because i could tell he wanted it.

 

There would have to be something there....

Even if it were just a case of, "Hell, yeah, let's get down to it, I like you, you like me, it will be fun!"

[MrCastle]

What should also be noted -- I don't want a relationship, right?

 

So what other options do I have?

 

Abstinence is not a realistic option for me.

 

I can't say "okay, no sex or dating until I find the one."

 

I mean, you have to date around to actually find the one, right?

[Treasa]

Well, if I only want sex as well, then I feel like I'm going to get laid. Score!

[white]

guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with?

 

It doesn't happen in my life. Any woman I like, I want far more than sex with. There's no point otherwise.

[desperategirl]

My own personal opinion is that if I were to have feel-good raw sex with a guy, I'd have to like him to begin with, and have some kind of rapport with him.

I wouldn't be able to pick up some random guy in a bar, of simply have sex with him because i could tell he wanted it.

 

There would have to be something there....

Even if it were just a case of, "Hell, yeah, let's get down to it, I like you, you like me, it will be fun!"

 

See, this is what I'm interested in - it's hard to generalise, but I'm interested in finding out if most people feel they need SOME kind of rapport/affection to have a sex-only relationship, rather than just seeing the other party as just an anonymous naked body. I guess that's within this specific context of having had a couple of dates, rather than just picking up a random in a bar.

[Woggle]

I always had respect for my partners but there was a reason I didn't consider them relationship material. I knew if I ever committed to them it would have ended in heartbreak.

[MrCastle]

See, this is what I'm interested in - it's hard to generalise, but I'm interested in finding out if most people feel they need SOME kind of rapport/affection to have a sex-only relationship, rather than just seeing the other party as just an anonymous naked body. I guess that's within this specific context of having had a couple of dates, rather than just picking up a random in a bar.

 

Well one night stands are different than friends with benefits.

 

Think of it like the George Clooney/Stacy Keibler relationship (before they broke up)

 

He has stated explicitly in every interview he's in that he has no plans to marry or have children. He is a man in his 50s who never got out of that stage.

 

Every woman who dates him knows that it's is a dead end, but they do it for the fun and experience anyway.

 

Not everything has to end in a serious relationship. Sometimes people just want to get together in a casual, low pressure situation.

[desperategirl]

Well one night stands are different than friends with benefits.

 

Think of it like the George Clooney/Stacy Keibler relationship (before they broke up)

 

He has stated explicitly in every interview he's in that he has no plans to marry or have children. He is a man in his 50s who never got out of that stage.

 

Every woman who dates him knows that it's is a dead end, but they do it for the fun and experience anyway.

 

Not everything has to end in a serious relationship. Sometimes people just want to get together in a casual, low pressure situation.

 

Yeah, I guess this is a slightly different situation - not a one night stand, as I've been out withthe guy a couple of times, but not FWB, as I now guess I incorrectly stated, as we've only been out a couple of times! So we're not really friends, per se, but not strangers either.

 

I guess from my point of view, I like the guy, but obviously see no relationship with him. If I didn't enjoy his compny to dome extent, sex would be no fun at all. I guess it's very interesting to hear about whether guys see girls in these types of relations as just a piece of a$$.

 

Your answes have been really interesting so far, thank-you!

[oldshirt]

Sexuality is a basic human need. Love and marriage and children etc aren't.

 

There are people I have known and liked and were sexually attracted to that weren't relationship/marriage material but I still wanted to be with them sexually. That doesn't mean that I mistreated them or thought of them badly or disrespected them.

 

There were also times when I was the one that was not relationship material. That didn't mean that anyone was mistreating or disrespecting me.

 

Many people are not at a point in their lives where a serious commitment and serious relationships are desirable or even optional but that doesn't mean that they should devote themselves to a life of celibacy.

 

People can have respectful, responsible and mutually beneficial sexual activity that doesn't necessarily result in any kind of serious relationship.

 

In fact I have the feeling that if we could follow every man and woman on the planet with hidden cameras we would find that nonrelationship sex is MORE common than serious relationships by far.

 

In other words people have sex with more people they are not in serious relationships with than the people they do have serious relationships with. They may not brag about that fact or kiss and tell about it but it's true nonetheless.

[It's Just Me]

I have this mental block where I am completely unable to take my pants off for someone who is into casual sex. That, for me, is the ultimate turn-off. I have no idea why. I'm just not wired for sex without monogamy.

 

So, I guess I fall into the "Ewwww" category.

[RogerWallace111]

And guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with? Do you respect them? it is something about them that you think makes them 'not good enough' to have a relationship with, or is it other reasons that makes you put them into the FWB/F*&^ buddies box?

 

 

I feel like our personalities don't click in a way that makes her irresistible to me. And at this point in my life I'd only want to bother getting in a relationship with a girl whom I could not resist being in one with. Women often tend to think it's all or nothing- he either sees himself marrying you or sees you as a piece of meat- but that's FAR from the truth. My current "fwb" is a very cool woman- I respect her, admire many of her qualities, and enjoy her company as I would any other friend. But, for whatever reason, I don't have the urge to hold her, kiss her, care for her, snuggle with her for hours or any of the sh*t I'd be wanting to do with a girl who had me really sprung. In her case, if I had to pinpoint it, I'd say it's because she doesn't have as much of the feminine, cute side as I like in girls. She's good-looking but she's a little too serious for me. Like she thinks she's in some artsy foreign movie about two melancholy lovers . I like "bubblier" chicks (not to be confused with ditsy, intelligence is key).

 

It's not an issue of "good" enough to have a relationship with. It's an issue of being fitting enough, enough my style.

[oldshirt]

[quote=RogerWallace111;5092395)

 

Women often tend to think it's all or nothing- he either sees himself marrying you or sees you as a piece of meat- but that's FAR from the truth.

 

 

It's not an issue of "good" enough to have a relationship with. It's an issue of being fitting enough, enough my style.

 

That's a really good way to put it. Very accurate.

 

There is a million miles of middle ground between Marriage material and a piece of meat.

 

 

I have had sex with many people and I can't say that I have ever thought of a single one of them as a piece of meat nor have I ever treated any of them as such.

 

Nor have I ever been treated badly even though there have been a number of women that have not had any interest in coming back for seconds.

[BradJacobs]

And guys, how do you generally feel about the women with whom you only want sex, rather than a relationship with? Do you respect them? it is something about them that you think makes them 'not good enough' to have a relationship with, or is it other reasons that makes you put them into the FWB/F*&^ buddies box?

 

Also, are men generally attracted to women they want this kind of relationship with, ore are they just opportunistic?

 

Thanks!

I feel differently about them than relationship partners. I will hold back emotional intimacy knowing that it's purely physical.

 

Yes, I do and have respected them.

 

Lots of things and too many to list here. Attraction isn't missing. It is usually something else. Either I don't feel it or they don't.

 

I don't have sex with women I'm not attracted to physically. I know the "warm body, wet hole" theory runs a lot of men but not me. It's the emotional compatibility that's missing. And when I know it isn't there, it's never going to be (for me).

[miss_jaclynrae]

See, this is what I'm interested in - it's hard to generalise, but I'm interested in finding out if most people feel they need SOME kind of rapport/affection to have a sex-only relationship, rather than just seeing the other party as just an anonymous naked body. I guess that's within this specific context of having had a couple of dates, rather than just picking up a random in a bar.

 

 

 

Oh 100%.

 

 

Course, that doesn't mean we need to go on a couple of dates. Spend one night at a bar flirting and you can build up that rapport.

 

It is fun and simple.

[oldshirt]

 

Nor have I ever been treated badly even though there have been a number of women that have not had any interest in coming back for seconds.

 

In fact now that I think about it, the only people that have ever disrespected, treated me badly or hurt me, were people I was dating and supposedly in relationships with.

 

The "hook ups" that I have been in have all been very cordial and respectful as a whole. It's the relationships where things have broken down and gone sour.

 

If we are going to use respect, attitudes and how people are treated as guideposts, then it's relationships where all the fouls have taken place and relationships that people should have more intrepidation about.

[miss_jaclynrae]

How does that make you feel? (women)

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

Depends on many factors.

If a guy made it clear he just wanted sex I would still have to be wooed to a point. It isn't fun for me unless he can prove he deserves this vagina.

 

Charm, wit, good looks, and intelligence still come into play.

Many guys I have met at the bar were all of those and it was obvious they just wanted a hook up... luckily that was all I was looking for too.

 

 

 

If I also am not looking for a relationship, then yay! I am totally down.

[desperategirl]

I am fairly successful at playing the field and courting several women at once (I don't want a relationship at this time, too much travel), but one of the main reasons why I am slowly moving away from hookups/casual dates and toward professional companions is because of attachment issues that inevitably come up, each relationship has a "shelf life"...

 

There is more to life than "gaming" women and an endless series of ****-tests and challenges until you can no longer keep with the competition or die.

 

A lot of other men successful at playing the field (not all) claim not to place women on pedestals and not to idealize women, yet in the end they give women so much power over their own egos and rely on the women they court to give them a sense of purpose and meaning in life. They are out to validate their egos by getting women to fall for them and derive a sense of ultimate accomplishment from that.

 

After almost a decade of the "player" lifestyle I feel it is no longer for me but I don't want a relationship either.

 

The biggest flaw in my "game" is that I do not want a relationship, but I engage in many sensual mental and physical acts that society mostly reserves for serious relationships. It creates cognitive dissonance with many of the women who have shared parts of their lives with me.

 

I love connecting and coming to understand an individual woman's innermost desires, passions, dreams; and even hope to help her achieve those dreams in my own way and freely frolic in the lush landscape of her mind, before exploring every inch of her body with kissable, edible massage oil and sharing the best sex of our lives. I want to share long walks with her as we intellectually explore our universe and how we are molding it to our liking and show her that a different world is possible.

 

I've read that many people in casual or F-Buddy relationships have rules such as no passionate kissing, no extended foreplay, no cuddling, no deep conversation, no post-sex activities, etc. to avoid one of the parties becoming too attached, but I can't reduce sex to bare-bones minimum, there is no fun in that for me.

 

Perhaps what I want is incommensurable with human nature (being emotionally, physically, spiritually intimate while not wanting someone to build some sort of attachment). Time will tell.

 

 

I'm not the extroverted "in your face type" that frequents clubs and bars. Au contraire, I have considered contributing to the literature regarding "daytime pickup".

 

This is very interesting: as opposed to convention wisdom, which tends to say that it is the woman who gets attached, you're suggesting that often the man gives too much too?

 

What seperates the sexual/intellectual connection you share with these woman from being a relationship? It seems like more than just sex?

[desperategirl]

Depends on many factors.

If a guy made it clear he just wanted sex I would still have to be wooed to a point. It isn't fun for me unless he can prove he deserves this vagina.

 

Charm, wit, good looks, and intelligence still come into play.

Many guys I have met at the bar were all of those and it was obvious they just wanted a hook up... luckily that was all I was looking for too.

 

 

 

If I also am not looking for a relationship, then yay! I am totally down.

 

Love it! This is something interesting for me to think on too.

 

Yeah, from my side, I definitely have to like a guy as in find him attractive, intelligent funny etc, even if I know it's going nowhere, but it's interesting to hear that that's the same for a lot of others, including men, too.

[Revolver]

I think this is the reason many men lie about loving the woman in question or wanting a relationship. Generally speaking not every man can be 100% honest about only wanting sex and the girl being ok with that so they lie