HopingAgain Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 What is your take on the romance in marriage sometimes being amplified after an EMR has taken place? Not BECAUSE of it, but just in the aftermath of it? I am not talking about hysterical bonding where the sex itself is just off the charts, but everything: the desire, the anticipation, the long glances from across the room at a crowded party, the feeling of butterflies when you 2 touch... My reason for posting this is that in the past few weeks, even though we've dealt with a few minor disagreements, the romance between WH and I has been phenomenal. We just attended a family get together this past weekend and people would swear we were a newly in love couple who'd just started dating. All night we were sneaking off to be alone, I'd look up and he'd be giving me the googly eyes from across the room, touching, holding, brushing up against one another all night. The next day on the drive home we pulled over to a retreat area and had a picnic, his idea, and I won't go into what happened next but it was amazing! :love: The feeling of CLOSENESS is just crazy right now. I think being around a lot of supportive family really elevated our moods too (they don't know about WH affair). But still, it just is such a bizarre and wonderful time, it almost feels like our honeymoon again. So I guess what I'm asking is, who here has experienced this after Dday, and what did you think or feel about it? There is some part of me that wants to remain on guard, like a stern den mother watching over a young girl to make sure she doesn't get too carried away having fun. Then theres another part of me that says, with all the suffering we've endured, just let loose and ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY! You only live once. 3
veryhappy Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 It's called hysterical bonding. Don't send a thank you note to his exAP.
Author HopingAgain Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 It's called hysterical bonding. Don't send a thank you note to his exAP. LOL! About the "thank you" note, yeah, not on the agenda. But that's just it about the hysterical bonding...we've pretty much gone through that and passed it and THAT was mostly about the passionate sex. This isn't about that, it's not really all that sexual in nature at all, sensual, yes. It's more of a authentic connection. 1
ladydesigner Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 We are experiencing it over here too When I was leaving my WH's work the other day we said our usual goodbye and kissed and as I turned around the corner I saw him running after my car in the rear view mirror. I stopped and asked what was wrong and he said nothing, that he wanted to give me another kiss. I just was over the moon in my own unicorn and rainbow land after that . I just thought what he did was the bee's knees. I love that man! 3
Author HopingAgain Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Yes, we have discovered that as well I believe now that my husband has refocused on us he is so much more in touch with what is important to him- Although this was an awful experience, it gave us a chance to talk about what the rest of our marriage would look like, what it would feel like- Kind of like when you discover "he is the one" during dating and something wakes up inside of you-understanding "he is still the one" does the same thing- We are in tune with each others needs more than ever- One thing he said was he took advantage of me, how trusting I was, how I was understanding, ect... and used it against me-he realizes now no one loves him like I do and he is so thankful for me- We hold hands, read side by side, etc... Of course, the house is a mess and the laundry needs to be done because Mom and Dad spent the day hiking, holding hands, kissing and dreaming-and for once, I am OK with a messy house and a not so perfect outside appearance- Yes, this is it exactly! It just seems like so much more appreciation on both sides, and what you said about "he is still the one." I think that sums it up so well. For me, it is thinking, even though we've gone through this horrible experience that would and does break most people apart, we are somehow still in love with eachother and holding on and REEXPERIENCING one another all over again...and it's starting to look like it will be even better the second time around! I love what you said about being ok with the house not being perfect, sometimes its about just taking the time to recongize and enjoy eachother and not focus so much on the things that can wait. 2
Author HopingAgain Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 We are experiencing it over here too When I was leaving my WH's work the other day we said our usual goodbye and kissed and as I turned around the corner I saw him running after my car in the rear view mirror. I stopped and asked what was wrong and he said nothing, that he wanted to give me another kiss. I just was over the moon in my own unicorn and rainbow land after that . I just thought what he did was the bee's knees. I love that man! That's so sweet! I would have been feeling woozy after that as well, no doubt! It's good to know that the romance can and does come back, full force! So nice to savor the small little tokens of affection! 2
GreySkyMorning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Its funny. My xmm said recently that things are better between he and his wife. They're "reconnecting and recommitting". He even started wearing his wedding ring again. However, five minutes after that, he was in bed with me again, still wearing the ring by the way.
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Its funny. My xmm said recently that things are better between he and his wife. They're "reconnecting and recommitting". He even started wearing his wedding ring again. However, five minutes after that, he was in bed with me again, still wearing the ring by the way. I read your post over on OW/OM, and it sucks that your ex MM is leading you on and that you've allowed him to. But really, don't try to come here and rain on the parade of BS who are starting to be HAPPY with their husbands again!
GreySkyMorning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I read your post over on OW/OM, and it sucks that your ex MM is leading you on and that you've allowed him to. But really, don't try to come here and rain on the parade of BS who are starting to be HAPPY with their husbands again! I don't think its raining on your parade. I'm saying don't assume things are always what they seem. I'd lay down money that the man I was withs wife probably feels the same way you do. I'm sure she's feeling much more secure in his new show of dedication and commitment. But keep your eyes open. They lie. Even yours. And they are practiced at acting in whatever way it takes to keep themselves in a good light.
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I don't think its raining on your parade. I'm saying don't assume things are always what they seem. I'd lay down money that the man I was withs wife probably feels the same way you do. I'm sure she's feeling much more secure in his new show of dedication and commitment. But keep your eyes open. They lie. Even yours. And they are practiced at acting in whatever way it takes to keep themselves in a good light. This is just too transparent. Your MM screwed you over and you're bitter, and my post triggered you, I get it. But you also shouldn't assume that people's eyes aren't open and what not and etc. And you aren't going to be successful at making this post about you and your bitterness about the current situation with your Ex. 2
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Anywhoooo...Hubby just got home from work and I made him a big dinner and dessert will be served later! so be back tommorow!
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Its funny. My xmm said recently that things are better between he and his wife. They're "reconnecting and recommitting". He even started wearing his wedding ring again. However, five minutes after that, he was in bed with me again, still wearing the ring by the way. Please get some counseling- any person that would have sex with someone that just made that statement is in serious need of help-the fact that you have no problem admitting you are that type of person and have no problem coming on this thread just to cause issues means you seriously need help- I hope you find it- I am hopeful you are just full of it-licking your wounds at the expense of the rest of it, trying to make yourself feel better by raining on someone elses parade- PLEASE get some help-you need it badly Back to the topic-I am happy for all of us that are finding our way with peace and happiness and pray for those that have not- In short this: This is just too transparent. Your MM screwed you over and you're bitter, and my post triggered you, I get it. Well said. Its sad that sometimes people become so bitter they cannot stand for others to be happy. 1
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 To expound on some of my thoughts from yesterday, I am pondering if loving/surviving/thriving against all odds amplifies the romance in a marriage where there has been infidelity? Of course trust is the obvious issue that will stand out as glaring and in need of repair, but when you have no doubt that the WS does love you and is remorseful and really doing the work to change, I think that it comes back a little more quickly than it would if the WS was still being iffy and progress was just trudging along. In some other threads recently we had discussed the point of how life seems sweeter after surviving a near death experience. I think this newfound romance some of us are feeling and experiencing is a result of that, and although it does create a bong, I wouldn't call that hysterical bonding. This seems more aware and purposeful, more conscious. I am an analytical person by nature, so I always like to try to figure out the whys in just about EVERYTHING. LOL.
Snowflower Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I've noticed that these types of threads, where the reconciling couple is doing well, or heaven forbid, are enjoying a renewed passion for one another, well, it gets some participants here really worked up. I am happy for you, OP that things are going so good for you and your H. I remember those early days well. They are bittersweet, as I look back on them. 4
Author HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I've noticed that these types of threads, where the reconciling couple is doing well, or heaven forbid, are enjoying a renewed passion for one another, well, it gets some participants here really worked up. I am happy for you, OP that things are going so good for you and your H. I remember those early days well. They are bittersweet, as I look back on them. Yes, it sure does. I guess it's like just about any other area of life...misery loves company! Thank you so much for your well wishes! I don't have any illusions that there won't still be some difficult days ahead. But day by day, these are the times that give me a renewed outlook and lifted spirits!
waterwoman Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Same here. It's as if we have remembered why we got together in the first place. 3
ladydesigner Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I don't think its raining on your parade. I'm saying don't assume things are always what they seem. I'd lay down money that the man I was withs wife probably feels the same way you do. I'm sure she's feeling much more secure in his new show of dedication and commitment. But keep your eyes open. They lie. Even yours. And they are practiced at acting in whatever way it takes to keep themselves in a good light. And you are telling this to a group of BS who um... already know this Sometimes we as BS have to give some trust to the WS and they may abuse it. If any additional DDays happen, I bet you and her will not be singing this tune. 2
Author HopingAgain Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Same here. It's as if we have remembered why we got together in the first place. Exactly!
Spark1111 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I love our relationship now. I love how much he loves me and has recommitted to me. I did have some resentment initially and did not trust all his loving, sweet gestures. I think some people do not realize, nor appreciate what they do HAVE until it has a suitcase packed and is walking out the door...FOR GOOD! 2
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