Scared off a man after a great 5 hour "meet"?

[RebelWithoutACause]

You say you want to "friend" him badly, but actually you've only "friended" yourself this time. You dived head first into the friend zone. To be fair he wasn't that interested to begin with considering you had to politely insist on him accepting your invite to "hang out" twice. Between that and you high-fiving each other for 5 hours at the state fair romance never stood a chance.

Edited August 1, 2013 by RebelWithoutACause

[hopefullove]

You should read her previous posts. they are hilarious. Basically, she's dated stupid men who don't appreciate how wonderful, smart, fun and attractive she is. "A great catch" in her own words. And her ex's are just idiots, commitment phobes, selfish and disrespectful. Funny thing is they both dumped her.

 

I'd say, she's no "puppy" at all. Just trying to understand her annoying behavior, no offense at all! and yes, I have tons of free time now I'm on vacations, so I can read a lot here

 

hey! not my fault! the last one was mental! He fell in love with me the first date, he alluded to being in love with me in our texts in between our first date and our second date which was a weeks time, and told me he loved me on our 4th time meeting! And i fell along with it! We moved in together after 2 months so exxxcccuuusssseee me for wanting to take things slow the next time!

 

AND 2 months ago I met another guy who called me every morning, wanting to see me everyday, told me he was looking for his soul mate and wondered if that was me, etc, within a week? wanted to introduce me to his family? Took me to his best friends bbq and told me they haven't seen him with a woman in 4 years since his divorce...and then just backed off...So YES i want to take things slow!

 

What's my behaviour! I fell in love for the first time at 24 and held on for years and years after we split. I talked to him a few months ago and he still says he loves me. but just not going to work. soooo I have to move on! I'm just looking for a good guy.

 

Anyway I know this guy came out of a 6 year relationship, they lived together and i know he moved into a new place in june... I don't know what his headspace is. Took me 7-8 months to get over mine and we were only together less than a year. I saw another dating profile of his up, it said "looking for new friends"... Again I have met a few guys and texted a few guys and it's only a matter of time where they throw something sexual out there, and our convos have all been humourous, light hearted, playful and ridiculous, which i adore. I really appreciate that.

[hopefullove]

You say you want to "friend" him badly, but actually you've only "friended" yourself this time. You dived head first into the friend zone. To be fair he wasn't that interested to begin with considering you had to politely insist on him accepting your invite to "hang out" twice. Between that and you high-fiving each other for 5 hours at the state fair romance never stood a chance.

 

He had messaged me with "so when are we going to hang out!!!" So i ASSUMED he was interested.

 

Plus for a guy who only really has Sunday's off, I don't think i can politely make anyone hang out with me for 5 hours on his only day off? He has his own business.

 

YES HE HAS NOT CALLED ME. lol. happy?

[Menina]

LOL. I have to admit you sound like a fun person (and BTW, Portlandia is awesome!), how old are you? Anyways, from the posts I read you seem a little bit too much for him, I know that if a friend acted like that it would be great (having someone inviting me for so much awesome events) but if it was a guy I just met sending me texts with lots of events we could attend together and making me decide if I want to go, while I'm still deciding if I really want to keep dating him would seem clingy/desperate to me.

 

I agree with those who say there's no chemistry and he's just being nice when he answers his texts. Sometimes when we like someone we become excited about the prospect of dating him/her and sometimes we misinterpret every single action they make ("he brush my arm"- he likes me, "he hugged me" - OMG he wants to date me, "he asks me about my favorite movie" - he wants to spend the rest of his life with me). At this point my best recommendation would be to back off and lay off the phone. If he truly likes you he WILL contact you, from previous experiences this always is true. If you haven't heard from him in days you should probably realize that maybe he wasn't ready for you, and move on.

[bentleychic]

I'm a girl and totally straight, but I'd friend you so hard! LOL You sound like a blast to hang out with! I need some more fun friends!

[hopefullove]

I'm a girl and totally straight, but I'd friend you so hard! LOL You sound like a blast to hang out with! I need some more fun friends!

 

Haha Awwwwwww schucks you guys.

I just turned 30. I gotta say that although this is my personality, there was a shift from when I went from 29 to 30... I kinda started acting more however the hell I wanted... Tho yes I see I risk scaring people away... But there was a weight on me on the cusp of my 29th year that was lifted and I def feel more carefree... People who know me enjoy my company...

 

Dating is new to me. Slow dating I mean... Usually dates for me end at 1 date where I do not want a second date, or it turns into something quickly... I've never dated more than one person at a time. I'm too much of an all or nothing person and I guess I'm used to people going all in with me!

 

It's ok! Learning experience! S'all good! You guys are a great support team!

[RebelWithoutACause]

He had messaged me with "so when are we going to hang out!!!" So i ASSUMED he was interested.

 

Plus for a guy who only really has Sunday's off, I don't think i can politely make anyone hang out with me for 5 hours on his only day off? He has his own business.

 

YES HE HAS NOT CALLED ME. lol. happy?

 

You'd spare yourself a lot of drama if you don't read so much into small things like that: he messaged you to hang out because he though it might be fun to hang out, not because he was necessarily romantically "interested", he spent five hours on his day off with you because you were nice company not necessarily because he felt sparks, he replied to your texts because he didn't want to be rude not necessarily because he wanted to take things further, etc., etc.

 

I'm not saying this to upset you but because you'd be a lot happier in dating if you don't let your guard down so quick. BTW I'm not happy he didn't call, I wish he had, I've been in your shoes many times, we all have.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

He had messaged me with "so when are we going to hang out!!!" So i ASSUMED he was interested.

 

Plus for a guy who only really has Sunday's off, I don't think i can politely make anyone hang out with me for 5 hours on his only day off? He has his own business.

 

YES HE HAS NOT CALLED ME. lol. happy?

 

So this guy (1) fresh from a long term relationship; (2) owns his own business and works 6 days a week

 

I read your posts and need to clear about something. You did the inital asking out. You have texted since, but each time he responded? Or he at some point stopped responding?

 

Either way....wait a week or so and when something cool in the hood comes up, invite him to go with you. (This would be a definite ask not something chatting) if he says yes great, if he says he's busy then tell him he has the ball (or whatever), if he does not respond you know.

 

From some things you said, he could be considering this a friend thing, he could be multi dating and met someone, he could be scared cause you do come off like a puppy (and I love puppies, but some people are scared).

 

Keep dating, keep doing fun stuff. Don't stress. And don't sit on the front porch and burn things....

[hopefullove]

So this guy (1) fresh from a long term relationship; (2) owns his own business and works 6 days a week

 

I read your posts and need to clear about something. You did the inital asking out. You have texted since, but each time he responded? Or he at some point stopped responding?

 

So step 1. (we can have lots of fun) we were chatting online and amidst fun chat he says so when are we going to hang out, your profile says you live here, i live at x by x, pretty close, etc. here is my number etc, im going out tonight, maybe i'll come back earlier and we can have drinks etc. It was pretty late so I declined and joked maybe he could treat my 3rd degree burns from my bonfire on sunday. we would text every other day since we actually met up the following sunday.

 

Anyway i usually bombard him with my PUPPYNESS. and he seemed to find it hilarious, but he did initiated texting before we met up. So yes, i know the difference. I do bring up things, like "hey there's these things happening etc" and he's like "maybe i can do Sunday"... and Sunday he texted me, which was when I said I was going to check things out and if he wanted to come also.

 

Each time i text him after our meet, he responds right away, and either he will stop responding or I will stop responding. He did text me that night first after we went home.

 

Again, when I do not care, I am so cool, I am smooth and unmoved and collected and men just lose their **** over it, but when I like something I am a big warm puddle of uselessness. However doomed I might be, I'm not going to change myself that much, maybe tone it down as you guys have suggested to not scare strangers away who don't know me yet... but I did exhibit these qualities of excitement pre-meeting but, the book club was probably too much. LOL.

[hopefullove]

Either way....wait a week or so and when something cool in the hood comes up, invite him to go with you. (This would be a definite ask not something chatting) if he says yes great, if he says he's busy then tell him he has the ball (or whatever), if he does not respond you know.

 

oh. he already has the ball right now re: rock climbing, he told me he would let me know. So if I don't hear from him... then i know!!!!

 

dejected sigh

[ChessPieceFace]

oh god I am insane.

he was telling me he was reading a book. and how he likes learning things, and watching docs and ted talks (which i do too!!!!)

 

so one day I was like, after you finish your book we should start a book club.

I DONT KNOW WHY i say these things! I just get really excited!

 

LOL. Yep I do that. Getting nervous and inevitably saying stupid things to break an uncomfortable silence because you don't know what to say. Not sure what the fix is other than getting more experience. Which unfortunately will mean a lot more failures and foot-in-mouth situations. Or maybe we both just sabotage things for some reason...

[hopefullove]

oh. this was a thought out text.

WELL THOUGHT OUT.

 

i'll just hang my head in shame.

 

im 30! goddamnit.

There's only a handful of well adjusted men left at this point, and i just want to scoop up him before he gets snatched up... Well, i'ved fished before so I know how it is when i feel a tug before the fish fully secures himself on the bait and i YANK and poof. no dinner...

 

Also, i think besides my excitement I get a little cocky because the last few dates it was me turing guys away and im like "everyone adores me!"

 

I just lose it when guys use boyband references at me... pretty sure the second my ex bf referenced Justin Timberlake's Kangol hat i was like, take me i'm yours. 30 year old guys and boyband references, my kryptonite.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

oh. this was a thought out text.

WELL THOUGHT OUT.

 

i'll just hang my head in shame.

 

im 30! goddamnit.

There's only a handful of well adjusted men left at this point, and i just want to scoop up him before he gets snatched up... Well, i'ved fished before so I know how it is when i feel a tug before the fish fully secures himself on the bait and i YANK and poof. no dinner...

 

Also, i think besides my excitement I get a little cocky because the last few dates it was me turing guys away and im like "everyone adores me!"

 

I just lose it when guys use boyband references at me... pretty sure the second my ex bf referenced Justin Timberlake's Kangol hat i was like, take me i'm yours. 30 year old guys and boyband references, my kryptonite.

 

You are hilarious.

 

And don't change for anyone. You seem to run at a higher RPM than most. But that's ok.

 

If rock climbing is in his court...ok I get that but what I mean is....circus parade, food fest, fireworks, something come up in the hood...send him an invite.

 

6 years he might be dating rusty. Might also think you are not a fit but what's the harm if he does? You know right? He could see you as a friend...a kiss is in order next time...

 

You are hilarious.

[RebelWithoutACause]

If rock climbing is in his court...ok I get that but what I mean is....circus parade, food fest, fireworks, something come up in the hood...send him an invite.

.

 

Please don't do that.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Please don't do that.

 

Rebel

 

I get what you are saying, but what will she lose?

 

He might not be interested but who knows?

 

He might be busy, friend zoned her or be confused cause no kiss.

 

I mean no guts no glory.

 

Who really gives a hoot if he thinks she's aggressive, or needy or whatever connotation. It's not like NOT doing it will cause him to call.

 

Wait a while, when something real comes up invite him, don't text to chat but an invite.

 

He says no, cross him off the list and MOVE ON.

 

What harm?

[dasein]

Wow, OP, hope you haven't been putting off other options or staying off the OLD site waiting for this guy to come around. Keep cultivating new options so one doesn't matter so much.

 

No, I don't think you did anything wrong, and were reasonable in following up. Sorry to say he just doesn't seem interested. Finally, trying to establish a friendship with someone you obviously have feelings for is not a good bet for you. Good luck with other options, would move on from this one. He knows where to find you, but don't wait for that.

[RebelWithoutACause]

Rebel

 

I get what you are saying, but what will she lose?

 

He might not be interested but who knows?

 

He might be busy, friend zoned her or be confused cause no kiss.

 

I mean no guts no glory.

 

Who really gives a hoot if he thinks she's aggressive, or needy or whatever connotation. It's not like NOT doing it will cause him to call.

 

Wait a while, when something real comes up invite him, don't text to chat but an invite.

 

He says no, cross him off the list and MOVE ON.

 

What harm?

 

What would be achieved if she did that?

 

As an adult out and about in the dating world you should learn to read between the lines (or the actual lines in this case), understand that not everybody will be crazy about you, accept rejection and move on. Everything else is holding on to false hope and setting yourself up for further disappointment.

[irc333]

high fived and fist bumped

 

A perfect way to part ways with the method of saying good-bye and being friend zoned.

[Leigh 87]

PLEASE do not contact him again. Ever.

 

You did not do anything wrong. He would not think lowly of you or anything BAD. However, it is clear that he is not at all interested in you.

 

Think of it this way.

 

You hung out all day. Had a great time.

 

He lives only 5 mins from you, you said. If he was that into you, don't you think he would have been dying to text you and arrange times when you guys could get to know each other better?

 

You live so close. I feel that, if he WAS into you in a romantic way, he WOULD taken upon himself to make sure you guys hang out more.

 

Only really shy guys, or guys who are not confident enough with women, would retreat and stop texting you at this stage.

.....................................................

 

Some guys are eager to meet new friends, yet others already have enough friends.

 

My ex boyfriend would probably hit a girl up if she lived 5 minutes away; he loves meeting new people and is always eager to hang out with new people. If he got along with a girl well, he would text her again even if he HAD a girlfriend. He is really interested in new people.

He would not care if the girl was unattractive to him: he would always be eager to text new people he met, if they lived that close to him and he enjoyed his time with them.

 

This guy could possibly not feel the desire to bother with new friends, even if he enjoys his time with them!

 

If you go into damage control and STOP texting him NOW, then he will probably text you one day in the future, when he has spare time. Such as in the holidays.

 

.....................................

 

 

I once had a guy who was not that into me, romantically, and a year or so later he got into contact again. He was genuinely interested in just hanging with me.