Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Well, hindsight is awesome, but if it were me, I would have ponied up $25 and bought him a week. You can usually purchase more than one on those deals, right? How could he have turned it down? But, as he said, he'll get back to you. Or he won't. So, get back to work! (Yea, I'm getting paid for this too ) I met the guy once! it's kind of creepy and presumptuous to buy him anything? I brought it up with him as a comment, like hey! there's a good deal if you wanna go (with whomever) and he said he would come with us. I don't want to be chasing him down more than I feel like i am already lol. I have never actively tried so hard. I've never had to hunt one down before, they usually just offer their neck up for me freely haha Ok i'm going back to work!
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Ah, I see. Well, ya coulda bought it and kinda had it in your back pocket. Have another friend use it if it doesn't pan out. But, I really think this is so recent, there's hope. Don't chase! Shameful, tsk tsk!
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Ah, I see. Well, ya coulda bought it and kinda had it in your back pocket. Have another friend use it if it doesn't pan out. But, I really think this is so recent, there's hope. Don't chase! Shameful, tsk tsk! there is hope? my best friend thinks he is just being nice. i'll try to be patient.
sdraw108 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Depends on the guy. For me, I'd be delighted to get texts from a woman I am interested in. Frankly, nothing scares me off. Some guys get scared when women come on too strong (chicken). Some men enjoy and appreciate a woman who takes the initiative. 4 days of silence is a bit much.... I hate online dating guessing games. Why can't people just be upfront and tell the other if they are interested or not??! Guys who play games are LAME! Completely agree, the OP's behavior wouldn't put me off at all - I'd find the excitement cute and contagious and receiving random texts about what she just saw in the grocery store would tell me she's thinking about me. What's so wrong with that? One text a day is nothing - a guy who thinks a daily text is too much pressure has serious issues IMO. To me it sounds more like he simply isn't interested and/or found someone else. I hate that people can't just be honest when this happens. A simple "Thanks, had a great time with you, but I didn't feel there was a romantic connection" takes all of 10 seconds to write, and lets everybody know where things stand unequivocally. Edited July 31, 2013 by sdraw108
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Based on your description there didn't seem to be any chemistry during your "meet up". The fact he didn't set up a follow up date confirms he didn't feel it. Since you met on a dating site it's safe to assume his is looking for more than a buddy and because he didn't see you as anything more than that he faded. I know you want to at least badger a friendship out of him but it's a waste of time. Mostly because you'll always want more. Don't take it personally, sometimes people just feel a spark, that's all. BTW, a 5 hour first date is WAY too much. Next time keep it short and sweet. 1
Treasa Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 OP, you remind me of a puppy. Absolutely adorable and cute as hell, but A TON of energy. While I'm like that myself at times, I don't do it around strangers that I want to date. I think if you've been dating a guy and he knows that's your nature, that's one thing, but to do it after a single date, with a text every day, comes across a little intense. I get being easily excitable. I do. But not everyone else does. 3
sdraw108 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 BTW, a 5 hour first date is WAY too much. Next time keep it short and sweet. Disagree. A date is only too long if it starts to drag on for either person. Personally, I'd feel much better about a date which went on for hours and we never ran out of things to talk about, than a short date with both of us sneaking glances at our watches.
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Disagree. A date is only too long if it starts to drag on for either person. Personally, I'd feel much better about a date which went on for hours and we never ran out of things to talk about, than a short date with both of us sneaking glances at our watches. Agree. I went on one first date that was about 18 hours. And that guy turned out to be a Oh, yea, never mind! 1
Treasa Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 We had a really good "first meet", we spent 5 hours together, wandering the streets, going to food festivals, different cultural festivals, museums, local art exhibitions, just wandering around and chatting, eating street food, buying food for each other, spray painting walls together, signing up to be stem cell donors together. This is the part that sticks out to me. In FIVE HOURS you were to multiple festivals, museums, etc.? Where I live, I usually spend five hours at ONE of those places. I think it was too much too soon. Unless going to all of those places was his idea, in which case I don't know what to tell you.
GravityMan Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) If I was in that guy's shoes, I'd feel that you're coming across a bit too intense and a bit clingy. The stuff you two did and all the texting is too much too quickly. Most guys want time to breathe. That said, I agree with the poster who stated that the guy probably wasn't feeling any actual chemistry with you. Flowing conversations about festivals and food and stuff is good. Having the same sense of humor is great. But those things don't necessarily mean that he was feeling an actual spark or attraction. Neither did anything else in your original post. Good friends often act like that towards each other. Did this guy actually flirt with you or exhibit any body language that indicated sexual attraction? I don't agree with those who stated that five hours is unequivocally too long for a first date, although that long IS highly unusual. Great dates can be 30 minutes or several hours long...and if two people click well, sometimes they can lose track of time and hours just fly by rapidly. There's also no indication that her date was originally intended to be that long in the first place...sometimes a date can start off simple and then, if its going very well and they have extra free time, the guy or woman makes a spur-of-the-moment suggestion to check out place B and location C. Edited July 31, 2013 by GravityMan
forgetmenot75 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 It was too much. Next time you need to refrain yourself to bombard the guy with your plans. You seemed a little too excited to me, don't letting space for the guy to actually think if he liked you or not. A 5 hour first date is already too much.
Leigh 87 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Hmm. I agree with there being no chemistry. From my experiences, unless one or both people are shy, the guy normally shows some physical sign of affection for me by the end of the first date.... just small things such as standing or sitting particularly close to me, or kissing me at the end. If I'm having fun with a guy over a period of hours? If we hit it off, and there is sexual attraction then he'll normally be holding my hand or something. After a few hours.
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 OK he moved into my neighbourhood and I told him I was going to let him know where all the sales and events were. So before we met up I had already been exhibiting "puppy" behaviour and explained I'm just really excited to have someone new move in the hood. That day we hung out, he texted me and I said I was going check out all the events downtown and asked if he wanted to come along, he said maaayyybe and I said, maybe? Yes or no answer for a yes or no question! And he said if I could wait an hour cus he wasn't home yet. I gave him a list of events happening, he said it was going to be an "Eventful day" So he shows up, I'm like "Hi! Are you my new friend" and we shake hands… I don't know, I know he came out of a 6 year relationship recently and I don't want to be pushy… I've been using the F word at him half a dozen times. friends. We were finishing each other's sentences and he's like "jinx! Soulmates!" I know, it's playful and friendly. So in our city there's always events going on. The museum was a free cat and dog museum lol, we went in reading about cats who saved people from fires lol and looking at random things, next to the festival by the harbour, and then the art was part of the festival. Then another festival was a 45 min walk away so we walked, checked it out, ate, watched demonstrations, and walked another 30 mins back to the subway, for a 25 min subway ride. We were constantly walking around and wandering and chatting the whole time, about everything… When I said we should go home, he asked if I didn’t want to stay longer, I said we should prob go do laundry.. Chemistry and attraction wise. Ok again the only time he touched me was to wipe food off my face haha. And again there was one moment when I was holding on to a tray of food with one hand, and he rubbed his thumb on my thumb LOL. Like tender thumb stroking haha. And when we parted ways he said "hand shake? Hug or high 5?" and I said high 5 but he wanted a hug? Or that is a pretty standard goodbye I guess… Physically he isn't my type, I won't fight that he is a gorgeous man and built like wolverine, I usually like twigs, he's an old growth rainforest tree, but I didn't have the urge to jump his bones… but I do want to talk to him a lot… all the time… does this mean I have it even worse than if it were just physical… Besides inviting himself to go rock climbing with us, yeah that have been no indications of another meeting. Neither was there a first one, I just harassed him til he agreed to come out. He said he usually works on Saturdays and Sundays are his lazy off days. So! I'll just see what he does, if he gets back to me or not… I will definitely get the hint this time.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 omg, you need to slow down! I dont think he has a romantic interest in you. you sound more like a buddy than a girlfriend. Plus, you sound desperate. And you are scaring him with all your plans! you seem to have no limit. Stop contacting him. At this point, I seriously doubt he'll contact you ever again.
Lansing Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I have to say you probably gave off the vibe that you were looking for a "friend" or "buddy to hang out at events"... You didn't got for the hug when he gave you the option but he played it well. He wanted to pay but you didn't let him (you could have let him and then paid the 2nd time). When you go around to a bunch of different events/places it makes you feel more connected with someone or that you have spent more time then you actually have. Your kind of "date" sounds like what I like to do when I go out with girls. I will just make plans to do something and invite a girl along. If they flow well and I sense that they were having fun I would invite them out again. Having said all of that, maybe you just aren't his type (like, you said you didn't feel like jumping his bones) and maybe he is looking for more than friends because you did meet him on a dating site. 1
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I have to say you probably gave off the vibe that you were looking for a "friend" or "buddy to hang out at events"... You didn't got for the hug when he gave you the option but he played it well. He wanted to pay but you didn't let him (you could have let him and then paid the 2nd time). When you go around to a bunch of different events/places it makes you feel more connected with someone or that you have spent more time then you actually have. Your kind of "date" sounds like what I like to do when I go out with girls. I will just make plans to do something and invite a girl along. If they flow well and I sense that they were having fun I would invite them out again. Having said all of that, maybe you just aren't his type (like, you said you didn't feel like jumping his bones) and maybe he is looking for more than friends because you did meet him on a dating site. Oh I did go for the hug. I said high 5! and he said "aww come on, gimme a hug" so I hugged him. And then we did some intentionally awkward fist bumping and high fiving... To be honest. YES I AM DESPERATE lol. I've allowed myself to date again and everyone treats me like a sex object. It's annoying. And chatting with this guy had was never inappropriate with his messages, it was refreshing and attractive. How my last few experiences went down, I want to take it slow and ideally i want a best friend in a partner... we joked that we were best friends. I let him buy me a drink, he bought me some fried chicken, some butter chicken and a samosa. I want to jump his brain. it's way worse.
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Hmm. I agree with there being no chemistry. From my experiences, unless one or both people are shy, the guy normally shows some physical sign of affection for me by the end of the first date.... just small things such as standing or sitting particularly close to me, or kissing me at the end. If I'm having fun with a guy over a period of hours? If we hit it off, and there is sexual attraction then he'll normally be holding my hand or something. After a few hours. damn it no comment on the thumb rubbing??? i am so. pitiful. haha i get it i get it everybody. I'll keep you guys posted non the less for research purposes.
Lansing Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Interesting... Because most guys are basically told not to "fall into the friendzone" and to "show your interest" and "make it sexual", etc. I guess some girls just feel more comfortable when it feels like the guy is really trying to get to know her and isn't just attracted to her for her body. I think you are in my same city, so much going on here. I am sure there will be plenty of guys that appreciate your desire to get out and enjoy things. I know for me that is one thing that bugs me about most girls. Most are happy just staying home and watching TV or going shopping. I appreciate girls that get out and enjoy all that the city has going on.
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Interesting... Because most guys are basically told not to "fall into the friendzone" and to "show your interest" and "make it sexual", etc. I guess some girls just feel more comfortable when it feels like the guy is really trying to get to know her and isn't just attracted to her for her body. I think you are in my same city, so much going on here. I am sure there will be plenty of guys that appreciate your desire to get out and enjoy things. I know for me that is one thing that bugs me about most girls. Most are happy just staying home and watching TV or going shopping. I appreciate girls that get out and enjoy all that the city has going on. LOL what gave it away. the free cat and dog museum @ harbourfront LOL. Seriously, if I didnt meet so many guys in a row that just kept making everything sexual, I probably wouldn't proceed with so much caution. I'm pretty sure all the guy think i'm a prude, but maybe if they weren't such douche bags, they have no idea... lol He did say that he liked how I'm not normal and therefore not boring, i dont know i thought he would appreciate the quirky. I think what heightened the experience for me was that very last year, I went to the same food festival with my now ex-boyfriend, and he made it such a miserable time, kept complaining about the smells, how nothing was organic, i didn't enjoy myself at all, and in comparison this cat was down for everything, even watching super lame aerobics demonstrations. It has BEEN A WHILE. I mean in me wanting to know about someone, I have been single and used to it now for this year, i'm used to being alone again. tiny violin. haha
Lansing Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) I think you are maybe really truly feeling a need for more "friends" at this stage and you are placing a lot of emphasis on meeting this guy recently because you enjoyed hanging out with him so much. I know what you are saying about people not going with the flow or complaining. I have some friends that I invite to events and they seem to always be checking their phones or wanting to get out of there while I want to sit and enjoy the music or whatever. When you meet someone that is cool/interesting you definitely feel a desire to spend more time with them even if it is just as "friends" because you do feel a connection with them. Some people appreciate the quirkiness so don't change that about you. I would suggest you get out there more and socialize more in real life. Maybe start volunteering for things that you are passionate about. Personally I am thinking of going out to some Meetup groups and just trying to expand my circle of friends without the focus on meeting "the one". And, if you are talking about Stinky Tofu..... You ex had reason to complain! I tried it at the T&T market last year and it was definitely one of the worst things I have ever eaten (and I have eaten some weird things like balut, etc) but the smell is nasty beyond belief Edited August 1, 2013 by Lansing
Author hopefullove Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 hmmm. It's more that he basically lives 5 mins walk from me lol. I have friends but most of my friends live downtown and i live uptown. And most of them have lovers. I used to have 2 single male friends that lived around me and we would hang out, but one moved back to the westcoast (where I am from) and one moved west of the city and got back with his gf. SOOOO I'm missing a nearby male figure...and I dont have many guy friends...but besides that, the stuff that comes out of this guy's brain is gold and I really like being around him and want to know more about him! And that never happens. So I have friends that I hang out with, (I also really like alone time), but I just really like this person on top of it all and want to get to know him further. I know i cant force myself on people haha. Oh. my ex was a dick. And i am so proud of myself for acknowledging that now. He refused to eat ANYTHING with me last year. At least this guy would eat with me even tho he adapts a healthy lifestyle too. Damn it i want to friend him so badly LOL
snowflakes88 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I know i cant force myself on people Keep reading this back to yourself.
StarsOnFire Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Are you trying to friend-zone yourself? The more I read it just seems like you didn't put off a flirty vibe with him. It seems like you DO want more than a friendship though. If you really asked yourself what you want of this man, is it friendship or a partner? I almost seems as if you're too scared to put yourself out there, in a flirty, I-like-you-as-more-of-a-friend way? And you ran into the "I'm your friend" area, which is safer, but in the long run, not truly where you wanted to end up with him. I don't know if he'll contact you (like someone else said, he's on a dating site, looking for a romantic connection), but maybe remember for the future, if you're into a guy, don't jump into the friendship zone, flirt, tease, make him feel like you like him as more than a friend
forgetmenot75 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Are you trying to friend-zone yourself? The more I read it just seems like you didn't put off a flirty vibe with him. It seems like you DO want more than a friendship though. If you really asked yourself what you want of this man, is it friendship or a partner? I almost seems as if you're too scared to put yourself out there, in a flirty, I-like-you-as-more-of-a-friend way? And you ran into the "I'm your friend" area, which is safer, but in the long run, not truly where you wanted to end up with him. I don't know if he'll contact you (like someone else said, he's on a dating site, looking for a romantic connection), but maybe remember for the future, if you're into a guy, don't jump into the friendship zone, flirt, tease, make him feel like you like him as more than a friend You should read her previous posts. they are hilarious. Basically, she's dated stupid men who don't appreciate how wonderful, smart, fun and attractive she is. "A great catch" in her own words. And her ex's are just idiots, commitment phobes, selfish and disrespectful. Funny thing is they both dumped her. I'd say, she's no "puppy" at all. Just trying to understand her annoying behavior, no offense at all! and yes, I have tons of free time now I'm on vacations, so I can read a lot here
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