hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) Oh my goodness. I have been back on the online dating scene and with the amount of garbage around, when I finally met this guy who seemed decent, nice and funny, i got very excited. We had a really good "first meet", we spent 5 hours together, wandering the streets, going to food festivals, different cultural festivals, museums, local art exhibitions, just wandering around and chatting, eating street food, buying food for each other, spray painting walls together, signing up to be stem cell donors together. Even on a friendship level I think we got along very well, finishing each other's sentences, we have the same sense of humour. 5 hours! We ended the "meet" we hugged and parted ways, hugged and high fived and fist bumped, i thought it was cute! That night he texted me to ask me about a documentary I was talking about, and he said goodnight etc. Next couple of days, I wouldn't say i bombarded him with texts, just a text here and there... I just really want to talk to him all the time! We had talked about rock climbing and my friends were doing it and I told him about a discount for it, and he said it sounded like a good deal and he would def do it with us, probably not this very weekend but in the future. OK good. I still texted him here and there, me initiating it and he would respond immediately, the last convo we had I was telling him about my weekend plans, that I was excited I had so many things to do, (because I initiated our meet, he had texted me and I suggested we go check out a bunch of events together since I was bored and all my friends have lovers to do things with).. Anyway, I said that he was fun, and when he time to come play again let me know. And that's the last I heard from him! It's been 4 days and I know internet dating is unreliable, and I know people meet people all the time, and I know life is usually unfair! But I really like this guy and I don't know how to approach it now, even for friendship. It seemed like he was game at first (to come rock climbing with us?) and has now disappeared.... I know if this is his usual behaviour then he did me a favour by leaving now... But it seemed like we had a good time together. Am i freaking out? is 4 days not a long time? Did I text him too much? It's so hard to find a guy to like! lol Edited July 30, 2013 by hopefullove
MidwestUSA Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 You may or may not have scared him off. Four days is NOT a long time. Lay off the texting, and make sure the next text (better yet, phone call) is to set up that next date. Have very specific plans laid out - rock climbing on X date at Y time. Good luck! 1
Kizza Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Oh my goodness. I have been back on the online dating scene and with the amount of garbage around, when I finally met this guy who seemed decent, nice and funny, i got very excited. We had a really good "first meet", we spent 5 hours together, wandering the streets, going to food festivals, different cultural festivals, museums, local art exhibitions, just wandering around and chatting, eating street food, buying food for each other, spray painting walls together, signing up to be stem cell donors together. Even on a friendship level I think we got along very well, finishing each other's sentences, we have the same sense of humour. 5 hours! We ended the "meet" we hugged and parted ways, hugged and high fived and fist bumped, i thought it was cute! That night he texted me to ask me about a documentary I was talking about, and he said goodnight etc. Next couple of days, I wouldn't say i bombarded him with texts, just a text here and there... I just really want to talk to him all the time! We had talked about rock climbing and my friends were doing it and I told him about a discount for it, and he said it sounded like a good deal and he would def do it with us, probably not this very weekend but in the future. OK good. I still texted him here and there, me initiating it and he would respond immediately, the last convo we had I was telling him about my weekend plans, that I was excited I had so many things to do, (because I initiated our meet, he had texted me and I suggested we go check out a bunch of events together since I was bored and all my friends have lovers to do things with).. Anyway, I said that he was fun, and when he time to come play again let me know. And that's the last I heard from him! It's been 4 days and I know internet dating is unreliable, and I know people meet people all the time, and I know life is usually unfair! But I really like this guy and I don't know how to approach it now, even for friendship. It seemed like he was game at first (to come rock climbing with us?) and has now disappeared.... I know if this is his usual behaviour then he did me a favour by leaving now... But it seemed like we had a good time together. Am i freaking out? is 4 days not a long time? Did I text him too much? It's so hard to find a guy to like! lol How many texts did you send? Some guys can pull away a little bit when they find someone they like and then go in to a cave so to speak. They need time to think and analyse what has happened. They need time to work out the next move and so if you are penetrating this process it may be too much and he will pull away more. You said to him when he is ready to come out and play again to let you know. He will let you know when he is ready. It sounds like you had a great time. It sounds like you got on well. Don't text him again. let him make the next move. Be patient, it has not been long, 4 days is not long for a guy but it is a billion years for us girls when we like someone this much... he will bounce back if he likes you 1
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I sent him a text everyday lol. To tell him that the doc he was looking for was on youtube (instead of Netflix as i originally told him), to tell him he should check out Portlandia, quirky sketch comedy he might like, to tell him about rock climbing, to tell him i found out why there were so many teenage girls downtown on the weekend, Beiber was in town (oppose to him joking that Jonas bros were back). Before we met up he would text me every other day I guess, well it was a short time before we met, maybe a week and a half. I texted him often (like if there was a sale at a grocery store, or something random) then because he just moved into my neighbourhood and I was so excited to know someone to live around me because my friends live further away. I just get so excited I mean ok he didn't touch me on our meet. except to show me where i got food on my face. And i think he rubbed my thumb while i was cutting our fried rice balls in half LOL. I am so insane. I see him online on the dating site (OK this is normal i know), I know he got out of a 6 year relationship and they lived together but he's looking now! It would just really suck if I thought he was a good guy and he was just another jerk.
StarsOnFire Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Yeah, maybe your texts were too much? Not really the amount, but the fact that you want to go to all these other events with him. It could just be overwhelming for him. 4 days isn't a long time, and he could be the type that just plans something on Friday for the weekend, you don't really know his style/personality yet. You can be super stoked to hang out with him, but keep a bit of mystery and let him contact you to make some plans. Hope he texts you back, sounds like you really like him and your date sounded really sweet! 1
BluEyeL Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 It was too much, slow down, don't contact at all and see if he comes back around. You should let the poor guy show some initiative, you don't give him any chance. You might bore him. And 5h was too much for a first meet. If this guy doesn't come back, slow waaaaay down with the next one you like. 2
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 oh god I am insane. he was telling me he was reading a book. and how he likes learning things, and watching docs and ted talks (which i do too!!!!) so one day I was like, after you finish your book we should start a book club. I DONT KNOW WHY i say these things! I just get really excited! StarsOnFire, you're right he sounds very spontaneous, and active and always has something going on. But we live SO CLOSE to each other! Walking distance! Its so annoying that I know if he wanted to go for a walk I would be there When we first started talking online, he asked me how things were joking around, i told I had a date last week but I havent heard from the guy in 48 hours so he must be dead. And he joked that getting matching tattoos the first date might have freaked him out, we just joke around a lot. (anyway, that guy came back after a week and a half lol) ANYWAY! I guess i need to relax, he's a very good looking guy, men and women were both checking him out while we were out... but I think he's so funny (great, this makes him even better), I just want to forge some friendship with him even.... sigh!!!!!
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 It was too much, slow down, don't contact at all and see if he comes back around. You should let the poor guy show some initiative, you don't give him any chance. You might bore him. And 5h was too much for a first meet. If this guy doesn't come back, slow waaaaay down with the next one you like. Oh, we are nothing but boring, I am nothing but boring, he said that he's glad that im not normal and not boring. Like our convo on our meet turned into torture and diff torturing techniques and he said "next lazy sunday can we waterboard each other" lol. I thought we had a very animated and fun time together. I guess it depends on what he wants also...
Sunshine87 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 LMAO you sound like a bundle of fun! Very cute! Keep us posted but don't text him anymore and if/when he texts, play it cool a bit
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 LMAO you sound like a bundle of fun! Very cute! Keep us posted but don't text him anymore and if/when he texts, play it cool a bit OK I will keep you guys posted on this!........ WAH! I have a sinking feeling about this! If i don't hear from him can I sit outside his house and set things on fire? 5
Lansing Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Maybe he thinks you are just into him as a friend and he is looking to date? If a girl texted me a "lot" before I got to know her especially if I was a good looking guy it might just make me feel like you are chasing after me. I agree with the others to back off for a while. I know the feeling of having a "connection" with someone and wanting to be in contact or see them again. I met this girl recently and she gives off this super friendly vibe to everyone (i.e. she meets random people in my presence and is so friendly). This makes me think she is like that with everyone. She seems like the type of person that could get along with anyone too. So, I can see why you are attracted to this particular guy.
Sunshine87 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 OK I will keep you guys posted on this!........ WAH! I have a sinking feeling about this! If i don't hear from him can I sit outside his house and set things on fire? LMAO not sure you should. unless you want to get arrested. My honest advice would be to move on. Don't expect him to contact you anymore. If he does: great. If he doesn't: you'd already be fine without him. People are so unpredictable (in a bad way). I don't think you did anything outrageous. The truth is that you probably want someone stable....and if.he doesn't like your fun loving, cute-crazy attitude, then what's the point? I know how it feels when you find someone you finally like /click with. It's like finding a diamond in the sand. But you need to look at the bigger picture. Would you like to come back here in few months lamenting about being dumped? If a guy begins to show certain negative traits at the start of a relationship or rather during the dating stages, it might be best to just let him go.
Phantom888 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Depends on the guy. For me, I'd be delighted to get texts from a woman I am interested in. Frankly, nothing scares me off. Some guys get scared when women come on too strong (chicken). Some men enjoy and appreciate a woman who takes the initiative. 4 days of silence is a bit much.... I hate online dating guessing games. Why can't people just be upfront and tell the other if they are interested or not??! Guys who play games are LAME! 3
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 LMAO you sound like a bundle of fun! Very cute! Keep us posted but don't text him anymore and if/when he texts, play it cool a bit Maybe he thinks you are just into him as a friend and he is looking to date? If a girl texted me a "lot" before I got to know her especially if I was a good looking guy it might just make me feel like you are chasing after me. I agree with the others to back off for a while. I know the feeling of having a "connection" with someone and wanting to be in contact or see them again. I met this girl recently and she gives off this super friendly vibe to everyone (i.e. she meets random people in my presence and is so friendly). This makes me think she is like that with everyone. She seems like the type of person that could get along with anyone too. So, I can see why you are attracted to this particular guy. wellll at the end of our "meet" and i say meet cus i was so adamant about paying for my food, and sometimes his food lol, then he kept looking for food to buy and drinks to buy for me... new friend hanging is awkward when it comes to bill splitting? ANYWAY he was like "how do you want to do this? handshake? hug? high 5?" and i'm like High 5!!!! and he's like "Awww don't be like that, hug" I don't know, online we had fun banter and he said "when are we going to hang out!!!" and gave me his number and suggested we go for drinks that night (friday) but we didn't actually meet til the next Sunday. It's so refreshing that there has been nothing sexual... (I'm used to men asking me asking me about my underwear, trying to get me to send dirty pics lol, how i like to shower with my showerhead, FIRST DATES!) I am also looking for a best friend! best friends can't leave me He's a really nice, easy going guy... he's going to be a firefighter... even hotter... but he's so funny, witty, smart and physically in tip top shape, and handsome as hell. DAMN ITTTTTT
MidwestUSA Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Hey, if he's that much fun go out and burn stuff in front of your OWN house! Maybe he'll see the smoke and come by. . 2
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 LMAO not sure you should. unless you want to get arrested. My honest advice would be to move on. Don't expect him to contact you anymore. If he does: great. If he doesn't: you'd already be fine without him. People are so unpredictable (in a bad way). I don't think you did anything outrageous. The truth is that you probably want someone stable....and if.he doesn't like your fun loving, cute-crazy attitude, then what's the point? I know how it feels when you find someone you finally like /click with. It's like finding a diamond in the sand. But you need to look at the bigger picture. Would you like to come back here in few months lamenting about being dumped? If a guy begins to show certain negative traits at the start of a relationship or rather during the dating stages, it might be best to just let him go. Thanks Sunshine. I agree! (oh he's in the recruiting process for firefighting... lol... hence my setting fire to the rain) Someone's gonna like THIS, all of this. Online dating is so horrible! I seems to be getting worse as I get older! It seemed so much easier when I was younger, I was never online this long to find something suitable! the hunt is on. for everyone! anything half decent is scarce. I kinda hoped people would think the same about me... I think i'm a gem too! This is me moving slow! My ex and I were obsessed with each other right away, and look how that worked out! LOL. It's too bad I would have liked to be friends with him too (to secretly be in love with) lol
jcrew11 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 With internet dating, good looking guys can get a different date every weekend with a hot girl. He probably received e-mails from several women, and is talking to them as well. Unless you ask for monogamy, then its likely he had arranged a weekend date with someone else who is much hotter than you.
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Depends on the guy. For me, I'd be delighted to get texts from a woman I am interested in. Frankly, nothing scares me off. Some guys get scared when women come on too strong (chicken). Some men enjoy and appreciate a woman who takes the initiative. 4 days of silence is a bit much.... I hate online dating guessing games. Why can't people just be upfront and tell the other if they are interested or not??! Guys who play games are LAME! I know right! Everyone loves hearing from me! I am so charming and endearing! Well that's what I am used to too, men who are not so aloof. Who want something and go for it, although my experiences also tell me a lot of those men are psycho. He does respond right away, or get back to me. But yes I'm not letting him initiate anything. Our first meet, I was like "so do you wanna come with?" and he goes "maaaayyybeee" and i'm like "what, that is a simple yes or no question?! yes or no are you coming" so he came LOL
BluEyeL Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Do what you want, but you come off as too intense and a bit crazy (in a cute way of course). I'm tired just reading your posts. Maybe he decided he can't handle so much energy. Why don't you back off and he might wonder what happened and come your way. Try that for one or two weeks and see. 4
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Do what you want, but you come off as too intense and a bit crazy (in a cute way of course). I'm tired just reading your posts. Maybe he decided he can't handle so much energy. Why don't you back off and he might wonder what happened and come your way. Try that for one or two weeks and see. heh. true. very true! (im sparingly using words to not tire you out further) I have resisted the urge to text him, and if I don't hear from him in a week I'll assume he was swallowed up by the earth. Thanks for your support everyone xoxo 1
Author hopefullove Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 With internet dating, good looking guys can get a different date every weekend with a hot girl. He probably received e-mails from several women, and is talking to them as well. Unless you ask for monogamy, then its likely he had arranged a weekend date with someone else who is much hotter than you. True. I'm not the hottest girl but i'm good looking with a really good sense of humour, good personality, and good moral core... So fine! if that's what he wants! We just got along, and again, I would love to be friends too, do men and women still forge new friendships at this age.
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Ok i totally caved and texted him this morning... Just saying he is missing out on all the climbs! He said howdy, right away, and that he has been so busy and missing out on everything except work, and said I said the climbing wasn't til aug. 1st. (There was an online half off deal), which didn't start til aug. 1st, but he didn't buy it so it's moot. Ok I have established I will actively try to pursue a friendship with this guy cus I like him, and there has been nothing inappropriate to happen to say we can't be friends. In actively pursuing a friendship, do dating precautions still exist?
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I'm not sure what you mean. Is it too late to buy the half off deal? Why are you settling for friendship when you know you want more? It doesn't sound like he's disinterested, but you haven't given him time to breathe and process the idea! How many fires did you start last night? 1
Author hopefullove Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I'm not sure what you mean. Is it too late to buy the half off deal? Why are you settling for friendship when you know you want more? It doesn't sound like he's disinterested, but you haven't given him time to breathe and process the idea! How many fires did you start last night? HEH. Oh there was a deal on one of those group buy sites? I bought mine for $50 for 2 weeks of climbing at full price and there was a deal for $25 for 2 weeks that was available last week so i told him about it, but the start date wasn't redeemable til Aug 1st. (hey, he remembered?) But it has since expired. I think i have gone thru so much disappointment in the last year that I have regressed to my high school phase of being a friend on the sidelines even though I have exponentially gotten waaay better looking since high school LOL. Fire in my loins! lol jk I really like his humour. Well he said he would let me know, and told me to get back to work, what are they paying me for over here lol (er the texting) SIGH.
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Well, hindsight is awesome, but if it were me, I would have ponied up $25 and bought him a week. You can usually purchase more than one on those deals, right? How could he have turned it down? But, as he said, he'll get back to you. Or he won't. So, get back to work! (Yea, I'm getting paid for this too )
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