xilver Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I met this girl at an online dating site a couple weeks ago. I gave her my number last Friday. She tells me she will text me the next day but she never did so Sunday night I messaged her again on the dating site mentioning something to the effect that I was waiting for her to text and told her if she still wanted to meet up sometime that she could still text me. Well she ends up texting me the next morning which is yesterday and we went back and forth for a couple hours chatting. She mentioned she was off this week so I told her we could meet up sometime this week if she wanted and she said sure. Then I asked her if Thursday was fine and she never responded? What should I do now? Be persistent, change the subject, or just move on? I feel like maybe she is getting nervous.
dan_the_man Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Agreed with Star Gazer. When you get a girl's number, call her, do not text.
MidwestUSA Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Agreed with Star Gazer. When you get a girl's number, call her, do not text. Yes, right here. Too much pussyfooting around early and you'll never get anywhere!
white Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Some people don't like calls from people they barely know. More than one of my old girlfriends, if I'd called them that early they'd just not have answered, and then texted asking whats up. But then I've never done online dating, where it seems to be nothing but all power plays, all the time. I don't really see why it should take more than messaging on your dating site to set up a date, that's supposed to be the point of it surely, but whatever the experts say.
TigerCub Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I don't think you should call her. If she can't commit to going out with you and is ignoring your text, then chances are when you call her, if she picks up, she'll probably agree to the date (because she's been put on the spot) - and then will suddenly come up with some reason why she can't go - on the day of that date. If I was interested in meeting someone, I can't imagine not replying to their text. just sayin... I say leave it, if she's interested she'll write you back, then you should call her. 1
jcrew11 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 She is probably emailing a lot of guys from the site and has a lot of dates lined up.
bentleychic Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Move along...too much effort for someone you barely know...
EJ787 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I say text her, don't call her without asking first... In this day and age I communicate primarily via text, and having been on an online dating site, I know that there were people that I was interested in who fell through the cracks because it can be a lot to juggle... So, I say keep trying, text her, invite her out... I think there's an ideal 3-5 day balance, so find two events, one three days out, and one five days out... So Today is Tuesday three days out puts you at Friday, so see what's going on in your town... an event, not just dinner and drinks I"m always more likely to say yes to an experience rather than another boring restaurant dinner. Is there a movie in the park? A play? Art gallery opening? baseball game? Invite her to go with you either friday or saturday but also invite her for something 5 days out.... Say a great bar in your area with great food offered at happy hour, invite her to a happy hour. So if I was you crafting this text, and as a girl who has received these texts I like it when they sound like this: "Hi, I'm starting to plan my next week and was hoping to see you. would you be interested in going to see the movie in the park on Fri(or Sat) night. or on Monday would you be available to go to happy hour at restaurant blah blah, they have this amazing small plate happy hour that's great fun." Then you've given her options, indicated that you'd like to see her, and you don't have to keep retexting her to invite her... If she's genuinely busy but she wants to see you she should reply with something like "unfortunately I'm busy but I'd love to see you too, my next free days are X,Y,Z do those work for you?" If she just replies and says no or she's busy then she's not interested and move on...
Brunettie Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Call her and ask if your plans are still set for sometime this week.
Author xilver Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Thanks for all the replies they helped a lot. I ended up texting her the next day asking how she was or about something she said. I don't remember exactly. She did end up responding. Then I took your advice and told her to let me know when she was home so we could talk. She liked that. We talked for a while and then she told me she wanted to see me soon.
soccerrprp Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 A conversation over the phone is mandatory before I even go out on a date with someone. When someone gives you her number, s/he is giving you permission to use it for the purpose of talking (and/or texting). This has nothing to do with whether you are OLD or not. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 A conversation over the phone is mandatory before I even go out on a date with someone. When someone gives you her number, s/he is giving you permission to use it for the purpose of talking (and/or texting). This has nothing to do with whether you are OLD or not. I totally agree with this. If they provide a phone number, it's an invitation to call them or text them. I won't meet anyone until I talk to them on the phone. I have to enjoy emailing with them, then I'll text with them a bit and if I like what I see, I'll call them. If that goes well, I'll ask them when they are available to meet for a drink on the same 1st call. If they can't commit, I move on to the next person. 1
newmoon Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 A conversation over the phone is mandatory before I even go out on a date with someone. When someone gives you her number, s/he is giving you permission to use it for the purpose of talking (and/or texting). This has nothing to do with whether you are OLD or not. this is interesting to me b/c I was emailing a guy online and had a great connection with him and then he said 'let's talk on the phone' and I said no. i'm perfectly legit and whatnot, but have a fear of talking to unknown people on the phone, it freaks me out. I suggested coffee/meeting and he never emailed again. just wanted to throw out there that 'mandatory phone conversations' or forcing your number on someone too early can limit options that are otherwise pretty great. I don't even like talking to my own family/friends on the phone, why would I want to chat with a stranger I don't even know? seems odd and I never do it. why is it 'mandatory?' you can't judge a person by their voice
soccerrprp Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 this is interesting to me b/c I was emailing a guy online and had a great connection with him and then he said 'let's talk on the phone' and I said no. i'm perfectly legit and whatnot, but have a fear of talking to unknown people on the phone, it freaks me out. I suggested coffee/meeting and he never emailed again. just wanted to throw out there that 'mandatory phone conversations' or forcing your number on someone too early can limit options that are otherwise pretty great. I don't even like talking to my own family/friends on the phone, why would I want to chat with a stranger I don't even know? seems odd and I never do it. why is it 'mandatory?' you can't judge a person by their voice newmoon, There are a few reasons why I do this, but before I do, let me ask you why is it that you are okay with meeting a total stranger face-to-face, but talking over the phone is more disconcerting to you? Anyway, here are my reasons: 1. Emailing or texting is rarely representative of the persona of the individual. We can all sound better communicating electronically. 2. I want to know if what you "type" is how you sound using your verbal communication skills. I don't judge someone by their voice, rather I get a better idea of what type of person you are by having a conversation with you. 3. I'm a communicator. Your communication style may become important and I won't know that by emails texts. I like to know how you respond in real-time, using your own "voice." It also helps me to hear just how confident or nervous you are. The conversation gives me a clearer picture of what to expect when we do meet face-to-face. 4. Active conversation allows for varying degrees of verbal expression, much more improvisational, thus allowing you to see how the other thinks, responds. Much more dynamic. 5. And finally, why not? The vast majority of people are okay talking and there is an expectation. I have never had anyone hesitate on the idea of talking before meeting. 6. If someone does not want to talk, I am suspicious. That last guy who decided not to meet probably was. So, for me, I glean a lot from a conversation over the phone.
newmoon Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 newmoon, There are a few reasons why I do this, but before I do, let me ask you why is it that you are okay with meeting a total stranger face-to-face, but talking over the phone is more disconcerting to you? Anyway, here are my reasons: 1. Emailing or texting is rarely representative of the persona of the individual. We can all sound better communicating electronically. 2. I want to know if what you "type" is how you sound using your verbal communication skills. I don't judge someone by their voice, rather I get a better idea of what type of person you are by having a conversation with you. 3. I'm a communicator. Your communication style may become important and I won't know that by emails texts. I like to know how you respond in real-time, using your own "voice." It also helps me to hear just how confident or nervous you are. The conversation gives me a clearer picture of what to expect when we do meet face-to-face. 4. Active conversation allows for varying degrees of verbal expression, much more improvisational, thus allowing you to see how the other thinks, responds. Much more dynamic. 5. And finally, why not? The vast majority of people are okay talking and there is an expectation. I have never had anyone hesitate on the idea of talking before meeting. 6. If someone does not want to talk, I am suspicious. That last guy who decided not to meet probably was. So, for me, I glean a lot from a conversation over the phone. thank you, your response was helpful and illuminating for me to read, and i can better understand the 'why' when people want to do this. i still don't like it, but understand now. i told my mom what happened with the online situation and she also agreed that the guy was probably suspicious of me and wanted to chat on the phone to make sure i was female :-) i just find it easier to talk in-person because i can get clues about you from observation/body language that i cannot over the phone. and i don't think, regardless of your illuminating response, that a phone conversation will make me seem better to someone. in fact, manythings about me, including my outgoing personality, style/way of dress, and smile cannot be seen (or gleaned) over the phone, so for someone like me it's not helpful b/c it doesn't put my best features on display, and i'm sure others have a similar problem, i cannot be alone!
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