Would you ever ignore your ex in public ?

[bohica]

no or yes

 

if yes, what circumstances would cause you to do that?

 

I have an ex to which i've tried several times via email and text to communicate with because I'd like to be on friendly terms with her but she just ignores me. Not friends but friendly. We were friends first. The relationship ended a year ago. She is and always has been a terrible, terrible communicator. Every time i've tried to reach out she ignores me. Early in May she said she wanted to see me but backed out and went silent. Someone said she was Pulling on the chain just to see if the old dog would still bark..

 

Having tried several times, I don't feel foolish. I feel i am being the better person, an adult. I am 45 yrs old. However, I would still like to know why she ignores me. A big part of me feels like if I ever saw her I should just turn the other way. Like I never knew her. Would you?

Edited July 30, 2013 by bohica

[Emilia]

I wouldn't ignore an ex in public ever but it would annoy me if someone bugged me by email and text when I ignored his communication attempts. I think you should accept that she doesn't want to be friends with you. To keep texting and emailing sounds controlling. You can't force her to tell you why she doesn't want to be your friend and you should respect that.

[Emilia]

What's funny is I don't think I have one ex who I would just say hi too and move on :-) haha..

There is one but most I'd have a drink with easily.

[bohica]

I wouldn't ignore an ex in public ever but it would annoy me if someone bugged me by email and text when I ignored his communication attempts. I think you should accept that she doesn't want to be friends with you. To keep texting and emailing sounds controlling. You can't force her to tell you why she doesn't want to be your friend and you should respect that.

 

 

No one said I 'keep' emailing and texting. Your really twisting things to make it sound like something it's not. Please don't do that. I am the least controlling person. My post says I tried several times to contact this person. That is since February. The total is maybe four. Additionally, I also said this person and myself communicated early May and she said they wanted to see me but she backed out and went silent. I am not trying to force anything. I don't think I painted the picture your painting and your really seeing it for something it's not.

[Sugarkane]

It's hard to suss out and depends on what happened. You don't want to say hello, just to be completely ignored. I've thought a lot about this because I've been treated like garbage and dumped by text a couple of times- one after a year. But I've yet to run into a ex yet.

[bohica]

 

Bottom line is thios girl silence means she wants to be left alone, so leave her alone..You may not agree with this stance but you need to respect the decision..

 

I do understand that...question is does leaving her alone include ignoring her if I saw her. It seems immature and mean to me but I feel like that's what she wants.

 

btw: My only hope would be to be able to have a beer with this person (in a group setting) and just get along. I would never force the issue. The root here is 'why' the ignores me.

[Emilia]

No one said I 'keep' emailing and texting. Your really twisting things to make it sound like something it's not. Please don't do that. I am the least controlling person. My post says I tried several times to contact this person. That is since February. The total is maybe four. Additionally, I also said this person and myself communicated early May and she said they wanted to see me but she backed out and went silent. I am not trying to force anything. I don't think I painted the picture your painting and your really seeing it for something it's not.

You said

 

"I have an ex to which i've tried several times via email and text to communicate with because I'd like to be on friendly terms with her but she just ignores me. Not friends but friendly. We were friends first. The relationship ended a year ago. She is and always has been a terrible, terrible communicator. Every time i've tried to reach out she ignores me. Early in May she said she wanted to see me but backed out and went silent. Someone said she was Pulling on the chain just to see if the old dog would still bark.."

 

The bolded indicates several attempts at contact that was not reciprocated, I suppose whether you call it 'keep contacting' is semantics, no?

 

I understand that the fact that she changed her mind is hurtful. However, you have to accept it. Whether she is a terrible communicator or not... she doesn't want to be friends. You last heard from her in early May I gather, now it's almost August... 2 months between friends or even 3... time to accept.

[will1988]

I was the burn bridges type with all of my exes... so i am sure they would ignore me in public and i would ignore them in public. i am not with them any more, nor have i been in a long while (my last ex and i broke up almost six years ago!). I do not want to put my fiance in an awkward position, nor do i want to face her rather after said meeting. Even if I was alone and ran in to an ex, although there is no more bad blood on my part, i have moved on and forgiven them, i still would rather those persons remain entirely out of my life - forever.

[supaflyz]

My ex ignore me in public. Well guess what I did the same. I didn't even want to talk to her when we were in public. The suck thing was I had to sit next to her for nearly 4 hours on our pinning ceremony for graduation. That was like 2 weeks after our break up. We were put next to each other by alphabetical order. I didn't say a word. She try to talk to other people to make me jealous. Guess what. Two could play that game and I just flirted with some other female students. I didn't do it for revenge. I did it more to get my mind of of things and the awkwardness. How dare her ignore me in public like that! lol. I'm laughing at it now, but it really brought me down at the time. We were two lovers who shared the secrets, laughter, happiness, and even tears. THen we turn into two complete strangers. I don't know what happen. She just showed me a side that I never seen any woman has. Complete cold and said some really mean things as well.

 

I did try to contact her the first few weeks. Then one more time last month. It has been more than a month now of no contact. If you actually follow through and stay strong than it will get better. I realized that at first I didn't have any self respect for myself and her. I should of respect her decision. I also shouldn't of cried. It was a very weak point in my life.

 

 

I learn to love myself. Why should I worried about someone that doesn't give a fu-k about me? You have to accept that yes at one time yall were happy with each other. However, some people just change after the relationship man.....

[soccerrprp]

I have/had a good relationship with all my exes, so would never ignore them in public. I also understand that many people want to move on and would rather not acknowledge you. I mean, imagine, you, by chance meeting your ex and she's with another guy. A quick hello and goodbye, okay, but let it be. People need a chance to move on and some people have a hard time admitting that they would rather not have met you in the first place.

 

OP, she wants to be left alone. Let it go. Don't worry about why she stopped communicating. She's trying to move on and so should you.

 

Even though my break-ups with exes were mostly friendly, if I saw one of them, I would not actively try to gain their attention. I respect their space and considerate enough to know that they have moved on w/o me. Of course, if we had eye contact, I would acknowledge, but unless there is a sign we both want to greet one another, I'd let them (her) go on her way....

[bohica]

Thank you for all the helpful responses.

[Southern Cal Dude]

It depends. I have exes where we ended on good terms and have nothing against them. But, I also have exes who could drop dead tomorrow and it wouldn't bother me one bit.

[J_L_C]

I have one ex who I am still best friends with. I think it's because we were more friends than in love even while we were together so that transition was easy.

 

As for my ex who chose to literally jerk off in front of me moments after he broke my heart, I'd just walk right by...even if we made eye contact. He doesn't deserve to be acknowledged. Ever.

[bohica]

As for my ex who chose to literally jerk off in front of me moments after he broke my heart, .

 

I just have to say....holy ****! really. The fact that he was even able to get it up is a true testament to the ruthless heartless uncompassionate human being he probably is. WOW

[aloneinaz]

What's missing here is how much time has passed since the break up with the ex or exes. Clearly, if it's recent (within a year) and your were dumped, I think a lot of folks would prefer to not engage with them if they saw them in public. After a few years pass, I think people forget all the BS, the bad stuff and would stop and catch up with an ex if it wasn't a horrible break up.

 

I'm on good terms with all my exes accept my ex wife who's still bitter that I left her. If I ran into my most recent ex, I'd simply walk right by. She was not a good person the last few months and I really doubt time would make me feel differently either.

[J_L_C]

It's the one thing I try to cling to whenever I think about him. For the longest time I tried to get him back, but there's clearly something wrong with a person who does that. For this one reason alone, I try to ignore all of the positive aspects of the relationship we had. So if I ever saw him again, God forbid, I'd completely avoid him...I'd duck behind the aisles in a store, hide behind someone walking in front of me or plain and simply plead "amnesia" haha.

[bohica]

I suppose I seek validation. In addition, were friendly prior to being involved and I don't like not being civil and not being on friendly terms. I also don't like the thought of just ignoring someone when I see them. This was someone I cared about not a fling. Sure, they may see it differently now that time has passed.

 

I get leaned into a little here for even attempting to be civil. Everyone says 'she clearly wants to be left alone' as if I'm doing her wrong. I was wronged. In a big way not only during the relationship but after. As mentioned, she said she wanted to see me back in May but changed her mind. Instead of people looking at in from my point of view and seeing how wrong she was they say she had that right to change her mind. I can't win. Now, right off I know people will say why would you want to be friendly with someone who did you wrong in the first place. So, when is it ok to approach someone and say hey I don't like what you did to me but I'd like to be civil, act like adults and be on friendly terms? To that, when is it ok to say hey wtf are you ignoring me, I don't deserve that ?

Edited July 31, 2013 by bohica

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I suppose I seek validation. In addition, were friendly prior to being involved and I don't like not being civil and not being on friendly terms. I also don't like the thought of just ignoring someone when I see them. This was someone I cared about not a fling. Sure, they may see it differently now that time has passed.

 

I get leaned into a little here for even attempting to be civil. Everyone says 'she clearly wants to be left alone' as if I'm doing her wrong. I was wronged. In a big way not only during the relationship but after. As mentioned, she said she wanted to see me back in May but changed her mind. Instead of people looking at in from my point of view and seeing how wrong she was they say she had that right to change her mind. I can't win. Now, right off I know people will say why would you want to be friendly with someone who did you wrong in the first place. So, when is it ok to approach someone and say hey I don't like what you did to me but I'd like to be civil, act like adults and be on friendly terms? To that, when is it ok to say hey wtf are you ignoring me, I don't deserve that ?

 

I can understand that you want to be friendly. Perhaps she is not ready for that? Maybe even wants it but realizes she still has feelings so friendship is not possible at this point?

 

I think, waving or smiling and nodding your heads across the mall is vastly diffent than hanging out and having beers or being in a group together (separately)

 

Her healing timeline and requirements seem different from yours. Not sure you can talk her into changing, I think you need to let her set the pace if she is taking longer to separate and heal.

 

I don't see this as blame, rather as ability.

[theonlyjuan]

They would have to do something really bad for me to ignore them. I feel bad ignoring people and just can't do it without a good reason