2sure Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 M the first to admit I am sometimes more open minded than traditional, and I have no discomfort just because anything is currently non conventional... But still. I cannot figure out Why a spouse that is considering cheating doesn't first have that open relationship conversation. To me, it seems lke at least trying to come up with something, putting it on the table, letting them know you would like to consider it. Why not? I mean, I get that they feel their spouse will freak out. But it's just putting it out there to talk about. It just seems like a logical first step.
pink_sugar Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 M the first to admit I am sometimes more open minded than traditional, and I have no discomfort just because anything is currently non conventional... But still. I cannot figure out Why a spouse that is considering cheating doesn't first have that open relationship conversation. To me, it seems lke at least trying to come up with something, putting it on the table, letting them know you would like to consider it. Why not? I mean, I get that they feel their spouse will freak out. But it's just putting it out there to talk about. It just seems like a logical first step. I admit that I have put that out there to my husband. I told him straight up that I would never go behind his back. I've told him that I've been unhappy for a long time and that I'm considering going out to meet other people. I've wanted to work on my marriage, but I'm often not sure if it will do any good. He also doesn't really have any motivation to work on things. I've had GIGS for awhile now. Due to lack of finances, neither of us can afford to separate with bad credit and part time jobs, otherwise it would be much easier to walk away. 1
TheGuard13 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Having been through it, I don't believe that divorce is the horrible thing people think it must be, anymore than a breakup is inherently awful. Regardless of whether there are children involved. It's all in how people approach it, introduce it and learn to deal with it. Most people choose to look at a failed relationship as some kind of personal failure, and so divorce MUST be a bad thing, when in fact divorce doesn't have to be. It can be a constructive part of one's life, just as it can be a destructive part. 4
So happy together Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Divorce is an epidemic in today's world. People who do not understand why others stay in a marriage they consider "bad" probably has never been divorced! Statistics show that people who "stick it out" are happier five years later than those who get a divorce. Relationships require work. The real question should be - Why don't people in a bad marriage work hard to make it good again? I went through a divorce after being married many years. I'm happier for it. I've been happy since he left, frankly.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Given the up and down nature of most long-term relationships, how do most people know (outside the obvious cases of abuse, infidelity, etc) when they're in an "unhappy" marriage? Some of the best and worst times in my 25+ year marriage fell in the same 12 month period and, had I left when things were tough, I'd have missed out on many profoundly rewarding experiences. There's a reason marriage is "for better, for worse"... Mr. Lucky 1
Aslanbek Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Just read this in the newspaper this morning...nothing new here, but I thought I'd share. Really sad to see so many people missing the (good) opportunities that life presents them. Reasons why people stay in an unhappy marriage The main reason for couples to stay together when love is over is the lack of courage to get divorced. A study by the British law firm Slater & Gordon, of the 2,000 people surveyed, a fifth said would not consider divorce unless he could ensure financial stability. Top ten reasons people don't end their marriages 1. I'm afraid of loneliness 2. Feeling guilty about leaving the family 3. I'm too old to leave 4. I do not want to leave my house 5. Could not support me financially 6. We have to stay together for the children 7. Would have a great impact on the family 8. I hope things get better 9. I'm afraid I might regret it 10. I do not know if I have the courage Cowardness and lack of values, my friends. That's how I see it. Are you married? Do you have kids?
Aslanbek Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 TFY - if both parties have agreed the marriage has deteriorated and they've talked enough to know neither is satisfied, but want to stay together for the kids, then why not just agree to have an open marriage? If they can communicate that well, then they can hash out the particulars of what rules to have. If open marriage means that she gets to go out and have fun and sex with whoever she wants - that is not going to happen. If we're married, the only man she gets to mess with is me. Of course, none of that is happening either.....
Revolver Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 They don't want to admit failure and picking the wrong person
MrTurk Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 If someone can't handle being on their own for a period of time, they are most likely, emotionally unhealthy. Very true But I dont think many singles would agree. They seem to label them as having problems. Especially many women....when they find out a guy has been single for years...they question and prod...thinking there must be an issue behind it.
Got it Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Given the up and down nature of most long-term relationships, how do most people know (outside the obvious cases of abuse, infidelity, etc) when they're in an "unhappy" marriage? Some of the best and worst times in my 25+ year marriage fell in the same 12 month period and, had I left when things were tough, I'd have missed out on many profoundly rewarding experiences. There's a reason marriage is "for better, for worse"... Mr. Lucky Because you are just done. There is no energy left to give back any energy into the relationship to try and keep plugging on. The desire and energies to improve the relationship can become very one sided and too much giving with no receiving can just dry everything up. For me, it was longer than a 12 month period, it was a slowly building feeling that was over many years. Sure things would sustain, but then it would come back up again. For me, I just knew. When I realized that I was done, it was about another year to execute things with more attempts to get something back saying he cared to improve things (asking for therapy again, etc.) I have no regrets over divorcing and have never questioned it for a second. Regardless of anything else going on in my life, no matter how miserable I may be with everything else, getting back together/having stayed would have been a definite no.
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