Rspk15 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) ill try and make this short as possible but it a long story, i thank anyone for reading have joined hoping some of you guys may be able to reason my thoughts, aug 2008 a girl i know(my female cousins friend) wants to see me, we exchange numbers and arrange a date for weekend she fails to show saying she going on holiday and has no money, 4 weeks later girl texts again, we meet have the most fantastic date(im 33 she 22 this would be my first love and first serious relationship she allready had 4/5 relationships under her belt) at this moment im a very good boyfriend, she is always round my flat we do everything together i treat her like a lady meals gifts nights out she said she never laughed so much in her life, 6 weeks in she turns a bit nasty one night for no reason, another night acts aloof and seems to want to unstable me, we tell each other we love each other. 2 weeks later i have never been paranoid or jelous of anyone i check her facebook to show my mates my new girlfriend showing a few pics to them as i was proud to have her as my girlfriend, there was about 50 photos on there of the holiday she went on all with an ex bloke kissing hugging smiling etc and also a photo of her snogging a random bloke labelled Mr perfect, my mates laughed, i was quite angry after all id done that she would advertise to me her holiday when we was supposed to be going out that weekend, and she seems reluctant i ask if i was just a substitute , why she wants me to see these, why she asks me out fails to show up shags her ex and advertises it to me after we had a great 2 months, she says she forgot to delete them and she seems reluctant to, Her bar job another ex is sniffing round who was seeing her just before me despite her telling me that there was no contact at all with any exes in her job she also seemed quite happy at to tell me about him. we move in after 3 months lol, she gets herself in debt as we move in, while i live other objects that lead me to question her morals and its getting to me , i find out a myspace account advertised as single and flirty(last login day we moved in together) msn account about 20 blokes on there to chat toincluding exes, a hidden sim card with mens numbers on, a nude calendar she done for an ex, she had her dads mate stored on her mobile who she bedded when she was 15, my cousin rang me to say she been flirting with a postman in her bar job, i know none of this means she cheated but to just move in and see these things keep cropping up with my first love upset me. She also tells me she has a guard up cant express feelings well, she fails to get up with her 3 year old daughter and look after her properly, in between this im being loving caring taking us on trips and paying, bonding with her daughter but lots of arguments some caused by her lack of communication most caused by my jelousy and mistrust with what i have seen, until after 1 to many argument, i withdraw from relationship, after about 9 months i get cold, i remember thinking i cant go on like this, it these parts i have difficulty in forgiving myself for and suffer guilt and shame till it wears me down, i became quite nasty, sullen, moody towards her i gambled money and generally was a poor boyfriend, i also hardly ever had much my own time the girlfriend and daughter was always there this may have contributed and also the young daughter did not stop bothering me for attention im ashamed to say i struggled with this and started to avoid her as it was stressful for me i dont think the mother was stimulating her enough. This is when she became nice and would complain to me i didnt hold her hand enough show much affection anymore, until one day sept09 she wants a break, i cry and apologise for my behaviour i explain i love her cant believe its got like this and am having trouble coping with stepdaughter that i cant love her, we split for a week, i come back but still was not putting in desired effort i fee, il dont think i was wise enough to know the situation. Cue to more emotional dramas from her both when we were going out to my friends wedding and a day out with my friends these dramas really drained me, tears would come as i hadnt said she looked stunningly beautiful enough before we set out to the wedding. I was prepared next outing said she was stunning beautiful etc but she got me with which earings to wear and when i didnt know she blew up crying etc i tried to comfort her, By oct 2009 had had enough now one argument in morning turned nasty she started punching me i stormed out went to work relieved it was over and to my mates flat to have a drink there she called asked if was coming home i said it over quite angrilly she said ok i then started to say are u sure shall i come home why did u ring but she agreed it was over, 2 hours later i had sex with a woman who was invited there by my mate, it was awful i felt disgusted and ashamed. i went to pick up stuff and moved out during next few weeks we remained in contact i brought round shopping and clothes for little girl, she asked me back i said can we take it slow and see how this goes for a while. 1 week later she didnt want me back cue months of me trying to win her back with grand gestures, apologies for my behaviour, i back tracked on the things i saw and said it my fault i should have trusted her more and from then on i had no paranoid questions for her. Me and the daughter then started bonding quite well, over next few months no arguing no jelousy we had some great times but every time i asked are we getting back i was met with a no until i realised we wasnt i left her alone, very upset but i had let go thinking i had tried but she was gone, but weeks later she would ask me to come round and the same would happen, but i had stopped begging for her and me to reunite, i was moving on with my life i put weight back on didnt worry i wasnt living there anymore felt normal again, my nan died during may 2010, a week later think my girl saw id stopped begging etc and asked me to move back in i said can we keep it like this, where can we go, whats our ambitions etc she didnt like i did not move in straight away, a week later i was dumped for a policeman, now this hurt real bad knowing she got another man, i wasnt sad i was traumatised, a breakdown feeling swept over me i kept thinking why didnt i just move in, anyway 6 weeks later she wants me back i cried with relief id got my life back, i flew back moved in tried hard but was very insecure and jelous over policeman, next few weeks i was the victim of some mind games and nastiness she would say things in reference to the police to get a bite from me i had lost all power in relationship, she told me if you dont like it here **** off, she started to sabotage the relationship saying things hoping i would bite, i let all this happen as my mind wasnt my own now and the guilt and shame had crept in over my previous behaviour warranted or not, and was generally taking it in the ass to please her, 5 weeks later was dumped me for the policeman again after i had given her £300 for bills food etc, my parents collected my stuff lies was told by her and my cousin they said id threatened to smash her car up so they gonna keep the money, id been aggressive and violent to her and scared the young girl who woke up crying all lies i kissed her goodbye as she slept on my way out. this break up destoyed me i was struggling daily to sleep eat and live my spark had gone and i cried for about 2 months with utter despair, 2 months later she passed me in her car with another different man smiling i even felt bad for her as he looked a right wrongun, 2 months later on i sleep ok but getting drunk made me suicidal i managed to date a girl and she liked me but my ex was still on my brain and being with this girl depressed me more, 4 1-2 months after split she came back for me i didnt need much to go round make up and we both agreed we could let the past go start afresh and she assured me it would be forever this time, the pain i was feeling like a stress diorder vanished just a headache remained as my brain went normal again , all the guilt and shame vanishes when im with her as though i can put it right this time. in the morning i wasnt elated just relieved and started to think should i have gone back but couldnt think how i could live without her seemed to hard. My thoughts were how can you love and live with someone and never see them again my brain still struggles to comprehend this thought it scares me. next 2 1/2 years go by during this time she is unemployed at first i pay the bills form a magnifcent bond with the child who still regards me as her dad, i buy gifts we go out all the time as a family, but there is alot of bickering, she has changed and even punches me twice during 2 seperate arguments, however i do ask she tries to be tidier as i do most of the cleaning, she comes across as lazy at times to me , this annoys her everytime i ask her clean up her mess. We go abroad twice on holidays in 2012, we talk marriage she wants to marry me,she wants my baby, then on one abroad trip with her family she becomes quite difficult and says our relationship its over then apologises i was very insecure next day , during 2012 there was 3 weddings for us to attend , she went on a hen do to liverpool overnight stay etc the day after her return, a man living close to liverpool added her as a friend on facebook, i became suspicious and asked why, if she knew him, met him had drinks etc it was ok but she blew up saying it was a coincidence a stranger she never met just a random add to her ,then she deleted me off her facebook for a day which i thought strange, had something happened that night and she needed to cover it up i wish i knew. 5 months till i get dumped again jan 2013, ive become a bit miserable due to work i moan about about my job saying i need a new one, im going on my iphone too much, for 2 months i gamble too much, but rectify any missed bills folowing month, both of us have never saved money we live month to month and spend on days out and trips etc, but i always got the food shop in and paid bills. but for one instance i forget to pay a electric bill from our old address £230 as we had moved in house last 5 months, this i regret i did give her £150 towards it a day before i was dumped, she wants a dining table 8 weeks before im dumped i buy one, we dont go out very much together during this time her texts are rare, im still trying i get the feeling she is complaining to her family about me. her job is changing her pub where she works is having major refurb over next month 20 new staff are employed we have our last trip as a family a week away no arguments i thought we had a great time had no inclination she was unhappy, a few drinks we had not much conversation i put it down to tiredness, i then work 3 weeks of late shifts while she helping out at pub refurb i come home she in bed i get up she in work, on the few times we see each other there is distance she seems to be leaving a mess all the time in the house to start argument and wont let me have sex i start to withdraw thinking she a moody cow, i get a day off i pay for family day out at zoo i get up with the girl bath her dress her take her for breakfast as i know the mom had 3 weeks solid of this bring a breakfast in bed for my girl and organise a trip out all day she pecking at me speaking to me disrespectfully, inbetween i tell her i will marry her, she tells me how she wants me to propose, i feel safe we ok, i dont wanna argue, i hold hands she withdraws from me, coming home, more disrespectful talk till i bite saying fkin dont ever talk to me like that, she smiles and says **** off we get home i try n talk whats going on i dont wanna go thru this **** again, i look at her facebook its as though she has a new life, i worry tell her i really love her and dont want her to go, she loves me back, next day she texts to say we ok there is no one else that it just a rut, next day i have a drink with friends come home late, in morning she kisses me brings me a tablet, comes home late afternoon seems very distant on the night she goes cold on me , no talking she tell me she in debt i offer to pay, but no good i try love her she backs off tells me to go the spare room, saying we hardly watch tv together anymore, my stress disorder returns immediately i am in panic again, i cant think, i cant save this relationship , i leave next day with my stuff, im allowed to have contact with the stepdaughter. She says the chemistry went, maybe it did, i keep beating myself up thinking did i hug her enough tell her was she beautiful , did i take my eye off the ball and not see what was happening why didnt i pay that bill, did i show her enough affection di i take her for granted, but the real reason was to leave me for a bartender new member of staff that probably swept her off her feet while i was working and coming home in not that good a mood, when i found out about the new boyfriend it haunts me like a trauma, i explained if she wanted me to save for a house i would and get married and raise a family, i explained i struggle to live and function im devastated, i see her hand covering her face trying not to laugh still i cant get mad at her all due to my actions in 2009 , I cant believe how someone who wanted my baby and marriage kicks me out in a day for the 3rd time and still id go back, i was a great dad to her daughter i never cheated on her or beat her, i did criticize her lack of tidiness and maybe shouted a few times at her. its been 11 weeks now since i got dumped a 3rd time, its the worst i been through i hardly sleep have lost weight every second im awake i think of her and what i did wrong, i blame myself for not being happy enough with her and for my actions when we first moved in, i have real guilt about treating her bad i can remember nearly everything have always been a person to look back in the past. my main problem wearing me down is that i think i was a **** boyfriend when we first moved in together ,being nasty to someone being nice although she got her own back left me for someone else 3 times lol id still have her back, i think i got ptsd symptoms have no joy in my life and rarely have a moments peace from my thoughts of i messed all this up why couldnt u have been happier with her etc. I also dread the day she gets pregnant or married, i struggle to realise i may never get over her i try to think she may have a bpd but then i think maybe it was me I also am emotionally numb i dont get angry or happy its just thoughts of my ex and trying to piece together what went wrong and who was the worst behaviour and if she got issues because since i met her i have loads. I do still see the daughter who loves me, and have asked my ex not to see me in person as seeing her gives me panic i look at her now and see the most beautiful woman in the world although while i was with her i wished she would have lost some weight as she went from a 14 to a 18, although i never told her this. novel over anyone who is still here i appreciate it Edited July 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Inviv_girl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Wah it's like a novel, there is nothing wrong writing and venting out your thought but whatever the story with her was there is not necessary to pour out every single details here instead you can put it on your journal. You are here asking for advice, people will get tired to read such a looong and moaning journey of someone else's love story. Just pointed out what would you like to get advice for. Sorry I couldn't read your whole post,.. In general my opinion is this girl is still very young, and she is the type of unfaithful person.. you said she is hiding sim cards with mens number, nude pics to her ex-etc .. etc.... I think best to find the girl of your age, maybe a little bit younger or older best without a child. 22 is so young and not easy to be with I guess. I know it it not easy to get over someone we love, but you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone like her.. seriously...
forgetmenot75 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Ohh I started reading but this is too long I'm exhausted How can you possible remember all those details from 5 years ago... From what I read, yu should move on, she likes to flirt, she's unstable. Just move on. Good luck
GudDude2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I read your post, as long as it is, and want you to know that you are not alone. I have been on the same emotional rollercoaster ride you have. I had a mate that decided to tell me she wasn't messing with me anymore. She dumped me this past Friday. It hasn't been a week yet, but this break up puts us around a dozen I think in the last 3 yrs. My ex is a beautiful woman with a lot of "My Father wasn't there" , issues, which gives her "the grass is greener syndrome. I think she invites the attention she naturally gets from men in a bid to consistently stay on the look out for something bigger and better. I don't know for sure if she's a slut, but I have been dumped on numerous occasions to make way for, I suspect, some new fool who has wondered into her life. And after it turns out to be not everything she expected and hoped for she finangles her way back to me until the next bigger&better comes along. The only reason why i'm not heart broken is because I feel less and less with each break up. I immediately go into nc. When she calls, and i'm tempted to answer, I just thing of just some of the disrespectful things that she's said to me and it really makes me not want to talk to her, so I don't. I'm not really looking to get back together and stress about trying to make and keep her happy until the next gigs outbreak. I think my goal now is to just get over her and find another woman who is closer to what I need and more compatible with. I know and understand that it could take years, and that's ok. If I can't gleam happiness from a better relationship then so be it, but I'm also prepared to be by myself, and with my goals and aspirations I believe I can make myself happy. Don't worry, she'll be back as the pattern goes, and I know you said you'd take her back, only for it all to repeat itself. I don't think the women we care about are particularly loyal ppl. They're selfish and are only out for what makes them happy in the now moment. Maturity may be a factor, or just character flaws. For me,, I've had enough! I am finally ready, or so I think, to let her go for good, and believe in my heart, body, and soul that someone tighter and better will come along. I've been heartbroken, right where your at with her constantly on your mind....where is she? What is she doing? Who is she with? Yes! The agony of heartbreak, but it gets better with time.
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