lap21 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 can anyone give me some advice? I was with my ex for 19 months, broke up about 9 months ago but, i still feel like i love him so much and i care about him so much and i cant help but worry about him. he has a new girlfriend who is so bad for him, and is dragging him down a dead end path. last week he attempted suicide, so he obviously isn't happy. He came to my house to let me know what had happened at that he is staying in a hospital to get better, and i went to visit him yesterday for the first time, and his new girlfriend was there, it was so awkward, his family hate the new girl, think she is no good and making him worse, but he insists she is making him happy. yet she was the last person to talk to him before he did it, and she is still playing mind games with him. they have been on and off again for a while, and she went back to her ex not long ago... i'm worried about him and care about him so much and wish that he would ditch her and let me back into his life. All i want is for him to be happy, and i want to keep him in my life, but his new girlfriend is making it hard, because she doesn't like me being in his life, and i dont like her being in his. After such a long time, i feel like i shouldn't still feel like i love him so much but for some reason i just cant help it. ???
Author lap21 Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 gas in his mothers car. right after a big fight with the new girlfriend.
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 do you just want to be there in a time of need or do you want to be with him ? why did you break up>?
Author lap21 Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 we broke up for many reasons i suppose.. some of them my fault. i started wondering if he was really good enough for me, and he wondered if i was who he wanted to be with. i didn't realise then that its not what the man is, it is who he is that is important. Also i was his very first love, and we started getting pretty intense, talking about the future. He decided that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life only ever having had one girl, he wanted to be with other girls and make sure that i was right for him (if i was) friends have told me that maybe because i would always push him to achieve more than he was achieving.. i seemed to always want what was best for him.. he was worried that someday i was going to realise that there are better out there for me, and that he would loose me, so he should end it now. i think he just got sick of me trying to change him anyway, i don't really know if i want to be with him or not. i think im still in love with him... i cant really think of another explanation for the way i feel. i love so much about him, and we click so well. but at the end of the relationship i did wonder whether he was going to amount to much more than what he was, and whether i could find someone who had more to offer the world.. im confused about how i feel about him. but i know i want to be there to help him through this no matter what. and i know that he is so much better than what he realises, and he doesn't allow himself to live up to his full potential. and this new girlfriend is dragging him down a road he is way too good for and that is just so upsetting. i want to save him from that...
innocntlisy1981 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 i honestly think these feelings u have for this guy rite now is more like brother sister mother daughter love.tha sort of love wheer yu worry and car constantly bout them cos they are like ur family!!tha choice is urs tha best thing u can do rite now is just be there for him if its meant to happen it will!!
Author lap21 Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 yeah, i have been told that before.. like, i just care so much about him, and worry about him, and only want whats best for him, and i hold him up on this pedestal and anything below that is just not good enough for my boy.. i wonder how i can control these feelings so i can just be there for him, and not make him feel worse.. i want to be able to accept his new girlfriend.. cos if she makes him happy then that is good.. and if i can do that, he is more likely to let me back into his life where i can help him stand back on two feet.. if that makes sence.. but its so hard because.. i really think that he is doing the wrong thing being with her... but that isn't my decision to make...
Innocntlissy1981 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 sounds like she is pretty damn jealour about you!!obviously cos maybe u do have a great connection and it ****s her off.if he wants tyo be with her theres nuthing you can do ith his choice all though us girls have tha best instincts about other girls dont we!!it sounds like u really care for this guy so much .kust be there for him cos at tha end of tha day u know u did ur best!!u say no1 likes her well if thats tha case and his whole family hated her aswell as everyone else why hasnt he listenend to any of them there must be sumthing keeping him with thi bi**h ur a very sweet person hope he realises how special you are u have a very kind heart
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 that you still love him and who knows if it is in love or could be but i do believe you that she isnt good for him...but it is his decision and you just being there for him shows how awesome you are .....just keep your contact with him and dont say a thing about her!!!!!! not 1 thing bad...only good!!!!!!! then when her jealosy seeps in he will be able to think " she has only good things to say about her and i like talking to her so i am not going to stop it" (i.e. he will not chose her over you if you are the non-jealous, non-nagging, and postiive woman in his life). She will self-destruct with jealousy and thus you will be his for the taking...if that is what both of you want.... i am in similar boat (no sucide or anything, but my ex is with someone that i am sure is an idiot and not good for her but i dont have any contact with her (my choice and it seems hers as well) and can only let her make her decisions.....were you his first sexual intercourse?? and was he yours.....i ask because my ex was my first but i was not hers and i think this played a huge role in how easily she was able to let go of our relationship while i was not as able....i guess i cherish that and will not share it with anyone in the future unless it is my wife....at least that is the plan...i just dont think she feels like this since she has been with 2 people and what is the harm in a 3rd, 4th etc????? i think she is already sleeping with this new guy and it had been only a month or two after our breakup.....well enough on my story, just trying to see how you feel about the fact he might have been with this new girl and how would he feel about you if you have been with someone since....these questions made me think of what my ex and i are doing now.... just keep being there and make nice all the time and let her self-destruct the whole thing it will happen watch!!!
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