getting_by Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Hi Guys - My GF of 3.5 years recently decided she didn't want to be with me. We have been through a lot together and bought a house only 5 months ago. She made out that it was all about some things in her life that were really messing with her head leaving her to shut down emotionally on our relationship. It was really hard to understand as our relationship seemed amazing and we always spoke about how special what we had was. There wasn't any real reason for her to split, and I found I was still really concerned for her due to all of the things she was going through, so was still trying to be there for her. I recently found out that there has been another guy. Gut wrenching as it was it explained a lot. I felt a fool for falling for her lies. I am totally gutted but I told her that I don't want to see her again. I think that NC would be the best way forwards for me but there seems so much that needs sorting though, we have to sell a house, sell or divide up joint belongings etc... How do you sort the business end of a relationship breakup and have NC? is it possible?
Ordinaryday Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Hi Guys - My GF of 3.5 years recently decided she didn't want to be with me. We have been through a lot together and bought a house only 5 months ago. She made out that it was all about some things in her life that were really messing with her head leaving her to shut down emotionally on our relationship. It was really hard to understand as our relationship seemed amazing and we always spoke about how special what we had was. There wasn't any real reason for her to split, and I found I was still really concerned for her due to all of the things she was going through, so was still trying to be there for her. I recently found out that there has been another guy. Gut wrenching as it was it explained a lot. I felt a fool for falling for her lies. I am totally gutted but I told her that I don't want to see her again. I think that NC would be the best way forwards for me but there seems so much that needs sorting though, we have to sell a house, sell or divide up joint belongings etc... How do you sort the business end of a relationship breakup and have NC? is it possible? If you can, try to get a lawyer to act on your behalf with her. If you can't do that, limit all contact and keep it as minimal as possible, and for the business meetings with her NEVER discuss personal matters, never mention how you are going, ask her how she is going, etc. ONLY discuss the business matters, keep personal matters completely out of it. If she tries to bring them up simply tell her that you have no desire to discuss something that is in the past and that you only want to discuss the business matters so you can both go your separate ways. this way is most effective, as it will minimise heartache and for a small bonus it will show her that you are 'moving on' from her.
keepontruckin Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 You have assets that need to be divided? No contact, and get a lawyer even if you have to beg mom and pop for money if you cannot afford one. You are now dead to her. To her, her new boyfriend is Hugh Grant, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt all rolled into one excellent package. You are yesterday's trash, but don't think for one minute she won't dig through yesterday's trash if there's a few dollar bills in there. Sorry to be blunt, and I may be wrong, but I saw how my wife changed when she left. Luckily we didn't have enough shared assets to warrant legal representation (I always keep my serious finances separate from my relationships), but the next guy may not be so lucky... 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 ^^^^^ Agree 1000 percent. Been there, done that.
supaflyz Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Omg this is why I'm so afraid of commitment and marriage. Reading all the threads on here regarding couples that bought houses together or have kids together and then breaking up is depressing. So much to worry about. I'm already stress out trying to find a job and starting my life. I'm 28!!!! I should of been graduating by now. Some of my classmates who I went to college with a few years ago are in their perspective field already. They are 4 or 5 years younger than me. I just hope you guys settle something together. Buying a house together is a very important thing. Man forget about her. She is choosing another guy over you. It's really difficult at first, but it will get better. I know for a fact that I would of just contacted my ex if I miss her or wanted to talk to her if this was the first few weeks. I was just so lonely and sad at the time. Still feeling lonely now..... I suggest you get a lawyer.
Author getting_by Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Thanks guys - you are right it is pretty blunt, but I know me and the house are now the things getting in her way of the new life she wants. Logically I get that ...... I am just not always in logical mode!!! I find focusing on the reasons I hate her for what she has done helps. I need to maintain NC through it all I see that, and there are possible ways thanks for taking the time to write
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I see what's happening here. What's happening here, is that the Emotional Heart, is getting in the way of the Practical Head. You must never, absolutely cannot ever, permit Emotion to cloud Practical judgement. The emotional entanglement you and she are extricating yourselves from, is one thing. The Practicality of a divorce, or legal separation, whatever - is quite another. Hard as it may be to understand - the two should never meet, and you cannot allow heart to rule head. How you feel about this on an emotional level, may be of supreme importance - but equally important - in fact, far more so - is the logical, practical and rational decisions you have to make, with regard to a legal separation and division of joint property. Do not permit how you FEEL about her, to interfere with what you must Practically do.
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