BUBS Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Today is really hard for me, I had to contact my ex fiance for the first time in months about an insurance claim. We exchanged a decent amount of conversation but it was very phony feeling and what upset me the most was that his life seems to have done a 180 for the better whereas mine is as bad as its ever been. He talked about how he gave up drinking and got healthy, and how much better business has been, so on and so forth, and it killed me to know that I was there when we had nothing... that I was the reason that company started, that he had all he had and that in the end he got everything, the house, the company, the dog, the life we were supposed to have together. I put off school, my friends and family, I spent my money on getting the house, and even to this day his name is on my car so I'm helping to build his credit while he's living the life I so desperately want. It was humiliating, I've missed him so much the past few weeks, and I feel like a bad person for being upset that hes doing so well when I should be happy for him, but I don't know how else to feel. I lost my life, I just got fired from my job, I've been binge drinking, smoking and eating from depression and I don't know how the hell to get over this. I cry every day, and I haven't really slept in weeks. I've lost hope in my life and myself and I can see myself giving up every single day.
D-Lish Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Firstly, if an ex contacted me, I'd too express to them that I was doing well, regardless of whether or not I was. Take the "everything is awesome" line with a grain of salt. Instead of using this recent conversation as justification to throw yourself into further despair, twist your thinking to view it as an epiphany to motivate change in your own life. You can continue to be sad because you want certain things that you don't currently have, but feeling sorry for yourself is the easy way out. Treat this as your moment to turn your back on the past, and start planning your awesome future. 1
Author BUBS Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 I really appreciate your response. I so badly want to use this as motivation to better my life, but I don't know what to do or how to plan for this "amazing future" when in reality nothing brings me any joy anymore. The idea of owning a home, or getting a degree, traveling the world, or doing anything of substance brings little feeling except sadness that he wont be there with me. I never realized how badly I relied on him for my joy. I've tried so hard in the past 10 months to pick things up, I worked out, I ate healthy, forced myself to sleep early, I did meditation and prayed daily along with positive affirmations. I tried new hobbies, going out with friends. I took the high and low road... I allowed myself to feel sad, I talked about it till my face turned blue, I journaled, blogged and updated here. I allowed myself to drink, or eat crappy food when I wanted to, or take a day off or a meeting off. I'm really losing my mind. I've had moments of hope, but in reality looking back, most of the motivation I have had to change has all directly correlated to this pipe dream that when I see him again to get my dog or things, or if I ever see him again, I'll be in a place where he would be a fool not to regret or want me back. Theres no motivation outside of it. Maybe I'm just having a rough few weeks, but I really don't know what else to do. He ruined me, and I ruined myself.
iouaname Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 If he was doing terribly, do you really think that he'd tell you? Regardless of whether they are the dumper or the dumped, a lot of people tend to focus on the things they want to improve in their life after a relationship ends. It's not a sign that you were somehow holding him back. The only person that you are holding back is yourself. Ten months is a long time to feel no progress. If you aren't in therapy, then I'd really recommend that you look into that pronto. I would also recommend that you start outlining some goals for yourself moving forward. By writing down and visualizing some goals for yourself, you will make yourself more motivated to complete them.
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