buzzie2 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 For the guys- would you ever date a woman who could not support herself financially? This is someone who has never lived on her own. She has either always lived with her parents or has lived with a boyfriend but he payed for everything.
Pyro Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 If she were trying to better her situation then yes I would. 3
Phantom888 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I have learned my lesson. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first relationship after my divorce was a disaster. She claimed that she owned a private school. Later I found out the school had closed, and that she had no source of income. She ran $40,000 on my credit card over the next 2 years, and I had to support her kids. Eventually I said no more. Hell no!!!
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I have learned my lesson. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first relationship after my divorce was a disaster. She claimed that she owned a private school. Later I found out the school had closed, and that she had no source of income. She ran $40,000 on my credit card over the next 2 years, and I had to support her kids. Eventually I said no more. Hell no!!! Whaaaa daaa fuuuuuuu? 1
charlietheginger Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Nope... A few exceptions if she is in college and living at home yes If she moved back home after a breakup but has stable employment yes but if she lives at home spends all her money on clothes And junk NO WAY becuase she will move in with me and Not contribute.... But dating ? Yes a few dates would be o.k just nothing serious 2
ChessPieceFace Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I have learned my lesson. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first relationship after my divorce was a disaster. She claimed that she owned a private school. Later I found out the school had closed, and that she had no source of income. She ran $40,000 on my credit card over the next 2 years, and I had to support her kids. Eventually I said no more. Hell no!!! So... you found out she was lying and broke, THEN you let her run up your credit cards? For 2 years? To $40000? I see not one mistake but a continual series of mistakes over the course of that 2 years. Shouldn't the first $10000 or $20000 of debt have been enough to slap some sense into you at least? OP: well, sure. Women don't have to support themselves to get lots of men. It can even be a barrier to a relationship (and it's the fault of both the man's and woman's perspectives) if a woman is "too successful." Men OTOH have to support themselves to get much of anything. I never actually made a list, but I'm not sure if a woman supporting herself would be in my top 10 things I'd want. Maybe top 20 though. 1
Phantom888 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 So... you found out she was lying and broke, THEN you let her run up your credit cards? For 2 years? To $40000? I see not one mistake but a continual series of mistakes over the course of that 2 years. Shouldn't the first $10000 or $20000 of debt have been enough to slap some sense into you at least? I was in love, and she moved in with me. Yes it was a series of mistakes, which I totally learned from. So not worth it.
Treasa Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Short of being somewhat close to finishing school or having had something really bad, no, I would not date someone who didn't support him/herself. I can support myself. I don't care if the guy/girl lives in a cheap, tiny apartment and has to eat ramen noodles for every meal. If they have the dignity to be able to make a go of life on their own, that earns my respect. Momma's boys are something I will never, ever do again. 3
will1988 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 In all honesty it depended on how hot she was and how desperate I was. However, given the current circumstances, I do not have to worry about said things. I, like other commenters, would only date a jobless girl if they were still in college, or inbetween jobs and looking. If she was in between jobs I would make sure that she does not become dependent on my money or my home. My brother did this, and his girl friend (Thank God, now EX) was a leach and lived with him rent free (my brother worked a minimum wage job), didn't work, and used his money to buy drugs etc... and had guys over when he was at work! my brother is a bit of an alcoholic and an idiot, but he is not a druggy... when he found this out, he let her go. No way in hell will I fall in to that. However, if I am married and have children, I am a bit old fashioned... my wife would be allowed to stay home and raise the children while I bring home the bacon.
soccerrprp Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I avoid dating anyone who is incapable of supporting themselves financially. Cannot emotionally afford to do so. I am in a good place in my life, two very young children and I do not want nor need to intentionally introduce any more stress into than I can help. Even if the woman is "bettering" herself, I won't consider dating unless she is a seriously put-together (don't mean physically necessarily, rather, has a definite plan) person. 1
Mascara Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I wouldn't date anyone who didn't have a decent career. I think a lot depends on age. It's ok for you both to be broke when you're 21 and in college. It's ok to not be able to do nice restaurants and holidays when you're 25 and starting out in your career. But if I date someone in his 40s and he's still working part time in a record store and has room mates.... hell no. 3
Babolat Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 My last gf was unemployed when I met her. She had recently moved back to her home town after ending an engagement, where she lived out of town with him, and was living with a friend. She was actively looking for work though. And she never once asked for money or even talked about her situation; I just knew. She eventually did get a job, it wasn't the one she wanted, though she worked hard to make it successful, began to volunteer, got her own place and has slowly gotten back on her feet financially. To answer your question it depends on the circumstances. I would not support her.
grkBoy Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 For the guys- would you ever date a woman who could not support herself financially? This is someone who has never lived on her own. She has either always lived with her parents or has lived with a boyfriend but he payed for everything. I dunno. I'd have to judge what she is like as a person. If she's working hard, going to school, building a career...but lives at home because she's close to her family, I wouldn't hold it against her. Lord knows I would not want it held against a guy either. If she's skipped on college, can't hold a job, or can only get crap jobs waiting tables, can't afford to live on her own, perhaps got knocked up by an ex...then I move on. No way will I go down her path, especially if she still has the mentality of a teenager. If she's simply an "entitled princess" who believes women should never pay for anything, then I move on. I could care less about her education/career, she's already given a big red flag. 1
crude Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I never actually made a list, but I'm not sure if a woman supporting herself would be in my top 10 things I'd want. Maybe top 20 though. Of course if you married a woman like that and she divorced you, taking everything you ever worked for, and you found yourself a 50 year old man living with his parents, you'd move that up the list, too little, too late. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Well sure, why not? We'd be two peas in a pod...
white Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Wouldn't concern me if it didn't come bundled with other issues.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 No, I've never seriously dated a girl who couldn't support herself. Independent women are much hotter. However, I know many guys who are willing to completely support a woman they find attractive.
jcrew11 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Is she hot and do you want to financially support her? How big is her chest? Do you like them or want someone else.
white Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 There's nothing here about having to support her yourself. She had some arrangement before you met her. Parents, the dole, couch surfing, whatever. Don't try and reframe the question as "would you take on a charity case". Do you mother****ers even realise how many underprivileged people there are out there, especially today, struggling to make ends meet? Just going to write them off? You probably should, because they seem to get on fine in love without your judgemental asses. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I agree with the white dude. Everyone finds a way to get by.. What, do I have to pay for everything for someone I barely know because I'm attracted to them? I don't think it should work that way, I don't act on lust. They need to be able to pay for **** themselves.. If we're exclusively together for awhile, I won't mind doing things for her out of my own free will.. But if someone thinks they're going to use someone for free **** and hold it against them that they didn't do this or that because they feel that the person needs to, then they're just not compatible, they can find some other poor sap to suck dry while ironically they're banging some other dude on the side, and hey, even funnier, it's all happening free of charge..
somedude81 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 If she was super hot and sex with her was amazing, she was always horny; and she cooked & cleaned; damn right I would.
ScreamingTrees Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 If she was super hot and sex with her was amazing, she was always horny; and she cooked & cleaned; damn right I would. Yes, one of the elusive bigfoots of the world.. In all seriousness, I still wouldn't. I don't care enough, might as well go to a brothel and pick out the most beautiful prostitute to have sex with. Same ****, different style of arrangement. Then, you'd also have to be willing to admit that you're only looking mostly for one thing in particular, and I'm not. I can't settle for that "one thing" when everything else is absent, and just as IF NOT more important.. Another major reason why I couldn't go for it.
in_absentia Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I find this topic fascinating, I'm 25 and in the UK and have never known a couple where one partner completely supports the other. Even if my partner made twice as much as me I could never allow myself to pay less than half of the significant things such as rent. To be supported fully, to the extent that one person couldn't float alone, is only permissible if you're child-rearing or one of you is studying, imo. I just couldn't lose that self respect. I only know one friend who is trying to support his gf financially, and to her credit she won't allow it. Maybe things are different in the US? I make more than my boyfriend, and we're both so broke we can't even afford to go out for meals together. I couldn't be with somebody long term/consider marriage and kids if they had no hope of a proper career, because you need enough cash to allow one of you to give up work while you're having kids (generally) but as long as he has a plan to get a career on the go, I'm happy to be together... he hasn't started the plan yet but I'm away from completing my MA and qualifying so I'll be out-earning him pretty quickly. We both have degrees... in the Arts Because I'm so self-sufficient it doesn't register on the list of things I'd look for in a boyfriend. I have temporarily supported an ex myself. Wouldn't do it again... equal partnerships or nothing now.
Treasa Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 There's nothing here about having to support her yourself. She had some arrangement before you met her. Parents, the dole, couch surfing, whatever. Don't try and reframe the question as "would you take on a charity case". Do you mother****ers even realise how many underprivileged people there are out there, especially today, struggling to make ends meet? Just going to write them off? You probably should, because they seem to get on fine in love without your judgemental asses. I'm not sure if I'm one of the mother****ers or not, but having come from underprivileged circumstances, and having dated A LOT of men who lived at home and didn't support themselves, I can honestly say that I have a lot of compassion for people who don't have what they need. And I do what I can to help them. However, at 38, I don't want to DATE a guy who can't support himself. And I don't mean he fell on hard times but is doing his best, I mean he COULD be supporting himself, but it's easier living off mommy or something.
Sanman Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 This a deal breaker for me. If she can't support herself, how is she supposed to support me ?!?;) 1
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