I can't take it anymore but can't let her go

[Emilio1321]

I literally want to die right now. I posted on another blog on here about my 2 year relationship where I completely fell head over heals for her. After it being non defined for first few months we stopped talking for about 2 months and I then was in a horrific car accident that I shouldn’t have lived thru. After 2 months in the hospital then 5 months in my parents basement cause I couldn’t climb stairs or live by myself.

 

I wouldn’t let her come to the hospital to see me cause I didn’t want to see any1 and was a mess. She finally just started showing up and didn’t care what I said. When I got to my parents from the hospital she started coming all the time and when I was finally able to start going out again we became very close. We were together everyday. She would call on her way to work at 6am text me all day then call as soon as she was out of work. She would tell me she never had more fun. Never was more comfortable.

 

Never enjoying spending as much time with any1 in her life. We did everything together. Then after about a year and a half of hanging out together our diff. In age started bother her. She 26. I’m 37. She would make it like almost a joke but I knew it wasn’t entirely 1. Shouldn’t that bother U when u first meet me and I first took her out. It wasn’t an issue for a year and a half. Now it is? But that didn’t even become a big issue. So after being with each other 24/7 from about July to March. 1 day after talking to her on way to school. Her texting me all day. Calling on way home.

 

As she pulls into her house she says. Listen don’t take it personally if I don’t answer right away or don’t text u back right away. Of course I took it personally. How else can it be taken? Then it all started to go down hill. I was being ridiculous for caring about it. I was making it more then what it was. But she would never just let me go. After a few days of fighting. She’d come back and act like never ever happened. Me being a pathetic idiot would always just let it go cause all I want is her and when she was the her I knew she was great.

 

When she turned into what she is now its insane and I basically mean nothing. But still won’t leave. From march till now we’d hang out go to AC a few times. Was begging me to let her meet me in LA when I went to try and clear my head and get away. It makes NO Sense and whenever I would try and talk about it she would get mad are make it like I’m just ridiculous and making it up in my head that its as bad as it was. It got real bad the end of June which is my birthday. I didn’t talk to her in about 3 weeks and was so miserable over it. I .

 

She called me exactly at midnight the night before my bday and left a message then called me during the day. I spent my bday with another girl. have hung out with few diff. Women and sleep with them cause at that point she didn’t seem to give a **** at all. But when I would hang with other women I’d just get more upset it wasn’t her there. I thanked her for the call and quickly hung up. Later that day she texts me she wants to see me and has a bday gift for me. I wanted nothing but to see her but still told her no which killed me to do.

 

Woke up next day with $500 in lotto scratch offs on my car and a card telling me I was the greatest guy she ever met. She’ll always love me for everything I did for her. And I did A LOT for her. Since she got out of college everything she has from her $85,000 a year job to her new car she has cause of me and I didn’t thro it in her face at all. She would say I would if when we were fighting her job would even get mentioned. And she still wants to take me to dinner and talk. Next morning a took lotto tix put them in an envelope and brought them to her house thinking she would be at school working. She stayed home that day and ran outside. I just ****ing melted when I seen here.

 

We started talking and hanging out trying to be friends but I just couldn’t. She would act like I should care when she wanted and not when she didn’t want me too but would never see that’s what was happening. Or admit too it. We blow up again and really haven’t talked much. Just little stupid stuff quickly here there when she would call. I went till this past wed. Without seeing her. I woke up wed. After feeling like I had a nervous breakdown late Tuesday night.

 

Felt like I was tripping on LSD and haven’t done anything like that in over 15 years. Thought I was literally losing my mind. And told myself I was being pathetic and stupid at this point. I was in love with who she was. Not who she is and went to tell her that we shouldn’t talk all time and I needed her to let me be. It was what she wanted cause she didn’t want what we had anymore and I couldn’t take all the negativity it has turned into. We then hung out for few hrs and she was great. So I tried convincing myself I’d be able to handle it. She went down the shore but we continued talking all week and we seemed actually better then we been in awhile.

 

Last night she called after the clubs and going out round 1. Actually left her friends and went home alone cause she wanted to just talk to me. We talked till 9 this morning when she brought up my family must hate her cause how miserable I am. They don’t. Somehow she turned that into I made our relationship into more then it was and it was really nothing then spent till about half hour ago continue to text me cause I stopped answering phone and basically just completely made how I feel about her meaningless and instantly made me being crazy about her for last 2 years a joke. And then kept going marrying to make me feel worse and worse.

 

I can’t believe she did this like this. No matter how bad it would get I still always wanted the best for her and never wanted anything bad to happen to her and now she going out of her way to destroy me. And literally nothing happened for her to act this way. I wish I did die in the car accident

Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[winstonsdreams]

Feeling for you man sounds pretty fresh right now, just take it one day at a time. Of course you don't really wish you died in the accident don't think like that, just give it time.

Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Repaired the paragraph problem the comment referred to

[jesse93]

Feeling for you man sounds pretty fresh right now, just take it one day at a time. Of course you don't really wish you died in the accident don't think like that, just give it time.

if you read it correctly, he said he was in a bad accident and he shouldn't of lived it not saying he wanted to die when it happened.

 

Anyway man it seems like shes just tagging you along because she knows that she can she knows youll always be there when she wants to talk you need to stop that you to stop talking to her for good, no more texts no more seeing her no more anything just let her go, she is playing you along like its some game age difference may have something to do with it, when you first fall in love you dont really think "wow this persons 10 years older me" its the feeling that takes over, not saying that its a bad thing or anything but i think she honestly just has a bit of growing up to do, to tell you the truth.

 

When you fall in love with someone they seem like an angel, you love everything about them they're "perfect" in your eyes they have no flaws even if they do you love their flaws for what they are, but once you lose this person you start to realize that they arent this amazing perfect person you once new, they have flaws and they don't feel like the person you come to know and love. your best bet is to let her go move on forget about her find your own happiness and don't worry about hers.