I Need to Vent...

[KlerkT]

Hey all. I feel like I can't post this anywhere else, and I need to get a lot off my back. I appreciate in advance those that take the time to read this in full.

 

Before I get into my story, I'll talk a little bit about myself. I am a 19 year old male college student. I would say I'm a good looking guy, and have received compliments in the past on my looks. I'm 6'4, 160 lbs, in shape, and have a slight tan. Overall I'm your average guy.

 

All of my life seems to be in-shape except the social aspect of my life. I have a great and loving family, live in a beautiful home, have a nice car, have a full-time summer job, and am attending college from Fall-Spring. I point these things out because I want to give you an idea that my life is pretty "intact".

 

The one part lacking in my life (debatably one of the most important aspects of my life), is my social life. I don't have many friends, especially women friends. This is one aspect I've really been trying to work on this summer, and here is where my current story comes in...:

 

So I'll try to sum up my current situation as short and sweet as I can. About 1 month ago (beginning of Summer), I came off of a Long-Distance relationship that lasted for a good year. Although I did not meet this girl many times, I became very emotionally attached to her, and when we broke up I was at my lowest of lows.

 

A few weeks went by after the break-up, and I picked up a bad habit; one that I thought I would never take on. I began smoking cigarettes. Although I am not a "pack-a-dayer" yet, I do smoke on average about 5-6 a day. I found smoking relieves my stress, and allows me to relax and calm down.

 

A week or two later after picking up this habit, I met a girl very briefly in person. One thing led to another and we began chatting on Facebook. A couple of days later, it led me to getting her number which then led to us setting up a date for one weekend. The weekend of our date came and she cancelled on me for what seemed like a valid reason (this was Saturday). She asked me if I could hangout the next day (Sunday) and I happily agreed.

 

Sunday rolled around, and I didn't hear from her until that night. She once again apologized and cancelled on me. She asked me to hangout next weekend and foolishly I said yes. We didn't talk from that night (Sunday night) until the next weekend. I texted her asking if we were still on. I saw that she read my message, but never responded. It has been 2+ days now that she has read and not responded to my message. At this point I can tell she's not interested in me.

 

This hurt me even more because I thought I was finally going to get out of my "low" from my previous break-up and thought I was going to have a girl I could hangout with and get to know a lot. I now find myself at where I started this summer: lonely without many friends my age.

 

To top things off, I'm 19 and haven't gone further than a hug with any girl. I'm a virgin, and although I hate to admit it I haven't even ever kissed a girl. Part of me is scared to make a move past a hug as I fear rejection. Especially after all the times I've been blown-off/cancelled on.

 

I really am trying to turn my life around. I'm trying to get out more, but every time I try to arrange a date to hangout with someone, they end up cancelling last minute. I even made arrangements to hang with a buddy from high school, and the day before we were supposed to hang he cancelled last minute.

 

What I've been doing now is something I'm a little embarrassed to admit. Due to the lack of people I have to hang out with, I simply take my car out and cruise for a good couple of hours. During this time I roll the windows down, blast some music, smoke a few cigarettes and have a good time focusing and thinking about life.

 

I've been working on picking up a new hobby. I am working on a motorcycle license and passed the written portion of the exam, I now have to work on passing the driving portion of the exam. After that, I plan to join a biker club and hopefully meet some people in the club.

 

Overall, I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what to do with myself. I go to work 8 hours a day, come home, workout for an hour or so, drive around for a little bit, and then find myself looking at my computer screen; browsing the web until I go to bed. I want to meet new people, especially women but I don't know where to look. I REFUSE to do Online Dating again, as that is how I met my ex-Long-Distance partner.

 

So that is my current situation in a nut-shell. I am so grateful to anyone who took the time to read most of this, and would appreciate any insights or thoughts you can give me. I know I'm young, I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel I'm behind where I'm supposed to be this stage at my life. Once again thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you.

[Tim Sullivan]

Hello KlerkT!!

 

I read the whole thing and can say that almost sounds like my life story, today i am 25. The only difference was i learned to be an electrician and never went to college. Unfortunately some details were left out, such as interactions with her in person and on facebook which seem to have had such a large impact on how she felt towards you. Anyway in the beginning you mention the idea of your life being intact, and that you dont have any female friends or much of a social life. By the end, after the events with that girl that was not interested in you, there was a sense of hopelesness when you started your paragraph with "I don't know what to do with myself.

 

?????

So it looks to me like the only difference in the equations is that you feel a need to be social/and or find a lover.

The negativity came after the story with the girl that flaked out. Why would you want to be with someone like that????? Don't you want to be someone who feels comfortable around you and you feel comfortable around them? Sounds to me like you saved a lot of time there. Motorcycles, ok great but probably not gonna be too many chicks building bikes. Since you are in school you have a vast amount of resources available to you (that aren't available to someone like me!) which is to join a club that is guaranteed to have a bunch of females in it. Or psychology class or something you get the idea. Music, reading w/e. Bam. Done. Also you will obviously already have no problem meeting other people, unless you are depressed. I have noticed for myself recently, that when i smile a lot, and show inviting body posture/gesture etc., and make eye contact that kind of behavior makes people feel comfotable around me, as opposed to having a giant frown on, and not talking to anybody, and avoiding people or not saying much.

Anyway this is becoming an even bigger wall of text and i lost my train of thought, but yea trust me i know how you feel i can relate to a lot of what you said and i wanted to share my experience i am 25.

[KlerkT]

Hello KlerkT!!

 

I read the whole thing and can say that almost sounds like my life story, today i am 25. The only difference was i learned to be an electrician and never went to college. Unfortunately some details were left out, such as interactions with her in person and on facebook which seem to have had such a large impact on how she felt towards you. Anyway in the beginning you mention the idea of your life being intact, and that you dont have any female friends or much of a social life. By the end, after the events with that girl that was not interested in you, there was a sense of hopelesness when you started your paragraph with "I don't know what to do with myself.

 

?????

So it looks to me like the only difference in the equations is that you feel a need to be social/and or find a lover.

The negativity came after the story with the girl that flaked out. Why would you want to be with someone like that????? Don't you want to be someone who feels comfortable around you and you feel comfortable around them? Sounds to me like you saved a lot of time there. Motorcycles, ok great but probably not gonna be too many chicks building bikes. Since you are in school you have a vast amount of resources available to you (that aren't available to someone like me!) which is to join a club that is guaranteed to have a bunch of females in it. Or psychology class or something you get the idea. Music, reading w/e. Bam. Done. Also you will obviously already have no problem meeting other people, unless you are depressed. I have noticed for myself recently, that when i smile a lot, and show inviting body posture/gesture etc., and make eye contact that kind of behavior makes people feel comfotable around me, as opposed to having a giant frown on, and not talking to anybody, and avoiding people or not saying much.

Anyway this is becoming an even bigger wall of text and i lost my train of thought, but yea trust me i know how you feel i can relate to a lot of what you said and i wanted to share my experience i am 25.

 

Thanks for the response. I understand there are clubs in school and stuff however, there is still a month of summer left and I want to make the most of it.

 

Part of me wants to text this girl again inviting her out. She hasn't responded to the past 2 messages of mine however so maybe I should just take the hint that she's not interested.

 

I really want to get out there more however it's hard when you don't have many people to do it with. :/

[Tim Sullivan]

Argh, i just closed my windows after typing a long response. lol

 

Definetly forget about that girl, is my suggestion. She has disrespected you enough and if she ever gets in contact with you again, It would be healthy to let her know that. (She never responded to even let you know if i remember correctly)

Otherwise (Again I am 25, not TOO much older than you.) You can only do what you can socially. You may have not set yourself up for this in the past, ie making a lot of friends in high school. We are in the off months now, so a lot of people should be home that you know from high school in this time. Another possibility is to try and meet friends through friends.

Try not to be so focused on the short term at this point (always harder done than said.) 1 Month is not going to make or break your life if you cant socialize with too many people during that time. I suggest something that helps me a lot. I use about 1/3 of my free time on productive activities for myself. Personally, I excercise, play piano, read and learn about topics of interest, and socialize with people (when possible).

 

"I really want to get out there more however it's hard when you don't have many people to do it with. :/"

 

Don't worry! You have a golden opportunity to find many people. In this month if you can't, you have plenty of time to work on yourself. Think about this, at my age now, I have a social circle of 3 people, and i don't go to college, and I work in the trades (40-50 year old dudes all day and no women zzzzz) You are at a great time in your life to set up the best years of your life. This is my perspective at least. Stay positive!!

[pcplod]

You sound like a remarkably ordinary guy, facing remarkably ordinary challenges.

 

You headline your post as "needing to vent" which I usually associate with a need to rant and rave. Thankfully, you don't actually do that, which is to your credit. Whatever you do, don't start.

 

You had a so-called long-term relationship via on-line dating that you are mourning over. Frankly, I wouldn't call it a relationship at all. More akin to a 'penpalship', via the digital age. So what exactly have you 'lost'? And then there was this nascent, now still-born, something-or-other, I don't know what label you should slap on it, thing. Two events; doesn't even amount to a 'crowd', does it?

 

Fact is life is a challenge, a struggle even. Some even maintain it is just a bitch and then you die. Welcome to how it really is, to the life of pretty well everyone. Create your own little niche, whatever it may be. The answer, predominantly, lies within. At least the initiative does.