FitChick Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I think she had the hots for the first guy while he only wanted FWB. She stuck around hoping he'd fall in love with her. Then you showed up and she now had a choice so finally gave up on the first guy. She left him for YOU. If you like her, this is your starting point so make the most of it. Have the exclusivity talk. 1
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I think she had the hots for the first guy while he only wanted FWB. She stuck around hoping he'd fall in love with her. Then you showed up and she now had a choice so finally gave up on the first guy. She left him for YOU. If you like her, this is your starting point so make the most of it. Have the exclusivity talk. This just means she is settling for him and the first crumb the other guy throws her and she is cheating with him. 1
CptSaveAho Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I think she had the hots for the first guy while he only wanted FWB. She stuck around hoping he'd fall in love with her. Then you showed up and she now had a choice so finally gave up on the first guy. She left him for YOU. If you like her, this is your starting point so make the most of it. Have the exclusivity talk. This just means she is settling for him and the first crumb the other guy throws her and she is cheating with him. Yup, exactly why you dont ask for dating advice from women...
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Yup, exactly why you dont ask for dating advice from women... I wouldn't generalize all women like that but being a woman's second choice is just a recipe for heartbreak. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 As others have said (and I think it's a universal thing), unless one has a talk about exclusivity you can NEVER ASSUME it's exclusive, EVER. It would be like assuming you were married even though you never had a ceremony, a license, and didn't even live together. If you aren't exclusive and serious then multi-dating and multi-sexing are expected to an extent. That does not mean man/whoring with whoever gives you a nice smile. It means keeping your options open in case something better comes along. It means not investing feelings until you know it is something serious. The big issue is that she was making you wait because she wasn't like that but she was like that with an FWB which means that you didn't make her wet. This, this, this. There is the riks that as soon as someone who turns her on more, like this FWB, decides they want the Rlship with her she will drop you like a hot rock. 1
CptSaveAho Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I wouldn't generalize all women like that you just lost all your street credit 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 LOL men do this crap all the time. Its bull**** only if a woman does it! Men are not the gatekeepers to sex. 2
SantistaUSA Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Everyone who's posted about her having done nothing wrong is only focusing on the non-exclusivity part. In my opinion, she DID do something wrong when she portrayed herself as being "not like that" and wanting to wait for an emotional connection before sex. Although she didn't exactly lie, I'd expect someone who gave me that line to also declare that they're having casual sex with someone on the side, because it's pretty contradictory. Probably the reason she didn't is because she knew it would sound like BS - "I want to wait for sex with you because I like you and want to get to know you - but I'm gonna make sure I get my fix elsewhere in the meantime". Well said!
Drseussgrrl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Men are not the gatekeepers to sex. Ha right. All of slutdom is on the onus of the woman. 1
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 LOL men do this crap all the time. Its bull**** only if a woman does it! I would have an issue if a man did it as well. It's not the OP's job to bear the cross for the sins of other men. If he doesn't like the situation he has the right to end it. I swear people here call me bitter but nobody says anything when men get generalized like this. 2
Phantom888 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 OP, that is not okay what your girlfriend did. Exclusivity or not, it's deceptive to be sleeping with a FWB while dating a new man. I mean, this whole "exclusivity discussion requirement" is complete bull crap! If you want to date someone and want to get to know him/her, it's not okay to sleep with other people. That is irresponsible behavior. It's implied that when you date someone for months, you are not sleeping with anyone else!! You don't need that exclusivity talk. You express via action, not words. However, if you are just dating people (without sex), you should be entitled to date as many people as you want at the same time until you find the right partner. As long as you are not sleeping with different people during the same time period, there's nothing wrong with that. 4
Drseussgrrl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 What's funny is the OP got exactly what he wanted. Another us vs. THEM thread. 2
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 What's funny is the OP got exactly what he wanted. Another us vs. THEM thread. It's not his fault that people in these kinds of threads can never see past their own gender bias to actually be fair and look at the facts. They automatically pick sides based on gender. Don't blame the OP for that fact. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 It's not his fault that people in these kinds of threads can never see past their own gender bias to actually be fair and look at the facts. They automatically pick sides based on gender. Don't blame the OP for that fact. I personally haven't said a word about men do this or women do that.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Ha right. All of slutdom is on the onus of the woman. And women reward promiscuous men. There's biological reasons for it.
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I personally haven't said a word about men do this or women do that. Not you but half the people in this thread would have responded much differently if the genders were reversed.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'll personally never understand some of the mentalities on LS. My boyfriend is a 'nice' guy. Takes me out on the reg, great with my friends, nice to his mom and calls when he says he will. Treats me like a queen. I slept with him just as soon as I would have any other dude, and we have never once talked about our histories or what we were doing prior to being exclusive. It was just easy. Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Let's see where it goes and agree to only date each other. Communicate. Easy peezy. And we're happy. 5
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'll personally never understand some of the mentalities on LS. My boyfriend is a 'nice' guy. Takes me out on the reg, great with my friends, nice to his mom and calls when he says he will. Treats me like a queen. I slept with him just as soon as I would have any other dude, and we have never once talked about our histories or what we were doing prior to being exclusive. It was just easy. Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Let's see where it goes and agree to only date each other. Communicate. Easy peezy. And we're happy. Consider yourself lucky that you found something drama free and healthy like that. I guess LS is the place where hurt people go to vent including myself which is why you see the responses you do.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Consider yourself lucky that you found something drama free and healthy like that. I guess LS is the place where hurt people go to vent including myself which is why you see the responses you do. Woggle you of all people should know I haven't had it easy. But I knew what I wanted and so does he. More people would benefit if they could just be honest with themselves about that.
Pyro Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'll personally never understand some of the mentalities on LS. My boyfriend is a 'nice' guy. Takes me out on the reg, great with my friends, nice to his mom and calls when he says he will. Treats me like a queen. I slept with him just as soon as I would have any other dude, and we have never once talked about our histories or what we were doing prior to being exclusive. It was just easy. Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Let's see where it goes and agree to only date each other. Communicate. Easy peezy. And we're happy. Some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing. Stories like yours gets overlooked because that means that people full of hate have to admit that their generalizations are wrong. 4
BradJacobs Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Is this one of those things women here think can be solved with a great blow job? 1
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Woggle you of all people should know I haven't had it easy. But I knew what I wanted and so does he. More people would benefit if they could just be honest with themselves about that. I know. You are not one of the ones I was complaining about when I was talking about gender bias. I was simply saying that half the responses on her would be much different of the genders were reversed.
aussietigerwolf Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 anyone who says they're not like that while actually doing it is a hypocrite and that is the problem... 6
kassy Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 You haven't asked for exclusivity and have been dating 2 months... What is the relationship like, I mean if you see her once every two weeks and not too much chat in between the dates... And you have given no indication you want exclusivity... Well then yeah she might not feel close enough to you to be comfortable sleeping with you. Or even feel that there is much there in terms of you wanting a relationship. If your dating has been quite intense then it's weird. If she has had the **** buddy a while she may be really comfortable with him. It doesn't mean she sleeps around. In fact it likely means she doesn't because if she is horny she isn't out looking for someone. Anyway a lot depends on the context. It seems weird you call her your girlfriend though 1
SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'm surprised at the amount of 'they're not exclusive' arguments and the low number of people who realized she painted herslef in a different light. Instant dealbreaker for me. Had she said "Until we have a talk about exclusivity we're free to date others and it should be assumed we are" OP would have no argument but she didn't; She said 'I want to take it slow'. 4
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