JimboJambo Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Hi all, need some second thoughts and opinions on a relationship matter that is starting to bring me down. I've been with someone for 9 months. We met whilst I was in the Army and in my final year. We were 2 hours apart and saw each other every weekend or less. What kept us going was the notion that I was leaving the Army, and could spend more time together. We've been through a fair amount of rough and tough situations. We are really great together, and she's amazing. Fast-forward to today. I left the Army one month ago, and I'm now in a new city. She'll be moving for a new chapter, but here's the catch - she'll still be an hour away. This might not sound like much, but I'm doing a considerable amount more than I was in the Army. I'm working 40 hours a week, I'm volunteering with children, and I'm also training for something which involves HUNDREDS of hours of clinical obligations. She'll be fairly busy too. We've said that we'll try and make it work, but both acknowledge the difficulty that lies ahead. There have been a few times where it has felt like we've been through hell, and now that I've left the Army and not gone how we thought, I'm wondering if it's time to call it a day or not. It's a new chapter for us both, and I'm honestly not sure if I can hold on to a LDR that is held prisoner to circumstance. Sorry for the long post, but this is the longest relationship I've ever been in, and the best too. Thank you
CA2TN4Love Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Isn't there somewhere in the middle (half an hour away) that one, or both, of you could move? An hour seems like nothing to me. That's my work commute to and from work each day. I think that if this relationship means as much to you as you say, you'll find a way to make it work given the relatively small obstacle. I mean, it's just an hour! You could make that trip every weekend, even if you're not willing to do it on a weekday (I would!). Considering how busy your schedule sounds, you probably wouldn't have much time to see each other during the week anyway, even if she lived in the same city.
SaltwaterHeart Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 We had a similar thing happen to us. Met locally, went extreme long distance (14h by plane) thinking that at the end of the academic year we'd be in one place again, only to find that it just can't be done right now. In a few weeks we'll be back in the same continent, but still a plane ride away in neighbouring countries. It's disheartening when your plans fall through and you realise that you're still a step further away from being with them than you thought. I can understand that you're questioning the relationship. On the other hand, just because your first idea of a plan didn't work out doesn't mean the two of you are doomed. Look around, there are lots of people on the boards that have been fighting obstacles like these for several years and are still going strong, despite plans falling through several times. The drawback of globalisation and increased mobility we enjoy as compared to several generations ago is that personal relationships require more planning, effort and work. Some are lucky enough to end up in the same place by chance, but the majority of us in a LDR probably wont. You literally have to meet in the middle. It is not said that you wouldn't face the same problems with another girl too, though. It's not going to be easy, the challenges will be different from the ones you faced this year. However, why not try to work through this if she means so much to you?
CherryT Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'm in a LDR where we're hours away by plane. We both work over 45 hours per week and volunteer. We don't see each other as often as every weekend... however both of us know that we don't want to be with anyone else. We also know that this situation/hardship won't last forever. We plan on closing the distance in the next 12 months. If you don't foresee yourself having a real, committed future with this girl, I would say let her go and call it a day. LDR's are hard and for me, I couldn't endure it unless I knew that that was the person I'd want to be with (in my case, for the rest of my life).
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