broknheart13 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I spent 10 years with my now ex boyfriend and friends are in short supply right now. I know that if I get out and shock myself into making new friends it would be good for me right now, but I feel like I don't even know how to start conversations with strangers any more. I can get to the "Hi, What's your name? Nice to meet you. How about that weather." But I seriously don't know how to converse with strangers anymore outside of my comfort zone. How can I go about approaching new people and striking up a conversation? I'm going to be moving to a new city to try to start my life over and will be forced to make new friends and connections. I will try doing some meet-up events but I don't know how to proceed with approaching people to make friends. Need some advice and tips. 2
darkmoon Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) meet-up groups are good, give them a go, subjects in common, you can chat about them, if this feels wrong, find another meet up group, some are frivolous - which I think is easier to handle, tbh, no complicated routine required - and some are serious, new ones all the time, drift into my email peep at the extroverts, see how they do it, or be the one who shy people are comfy sitting with, just smile at anyone who looks nervous, my hunch is you will be two peas in pod Edited July 29, 2013 by darkmoon
Delyrium658 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I feel your pain. we worked together in a very tight knit working environment. i was 21. i had just moved to a new state. he introduced me to everyone i ever knew here. 6+ years. we were engaged. he ended up leaving me for a girl in germany that he married 4 months after the break up. however now even that he's out of the company (and country for that matter) all his friends still will not talk to me. they still worship him. i lost everyone. everyone. yet i still have to see them daily and pretend like i'm okay. it's been about 1-1/2 years and honestly...it's still hard some days. I've been without friends since. It seems like everyone I met at work is tarnished and against me. I don't really know how to meet people outside of work (I live in Vermont...SMALL city living). The few people I thought were my friends are actually just living for themselves because when push came to shove, they weren't there when I needed them. That was a crummy feeling to realize. So...unfortunately I'm just as lost as you but I hope you can know you're not alone.
WordvAction Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 To both of you and everyone else out there in this predicament. Literally go out and talk to anyone you want to. Say Good Morning, ask them about the weather, literally say anything. You're bound to find at least some people who will want to talk back (people are much more social than you may think), and those that don't won't be worth your time anyway. It may seem hard at first, but you'd be surprised how easy it becomes, and how friendly people can be. P.S. Having friends/someone/something to take your mind off the ex is essential. Why don't you go on a vacation trip away from the situation?
Wolfcub Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Dog owners. They are the ones always easy to get into conversation with you. Just say how you much like their dog, ask the age, what breed or what mix that is, how old, what the name is, are they doing obedience courses, because it looks so intelligent, may you pat it, etc. Say that you want a dog too, but [insert your excuses]. Or simply get your own dog, then the others will come to talk to you. Scientifically proven: always easier to talk about a dog than about the human on the other end of the leash. Certainly this will work only if you are not dead against any animals per se. 3
WordvAction Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Dog owners. They are the ones always easy to get into conversation with you. Just say how you much like their dog, ask the age, what breed or what mix that is, how old, what the name is, are they doing obedience courses, because it looks so intelligent, may you pat it, etc. Say that you want a dog too, but [insert your excuses]. Or simply get your own dog, then the others will come to talk to you. Scientifically proven: always easier to talk about a dog than about the human on the other end of the leash. Certainly this will work only if you are not dead against any animals per se. HA! That didn't even come to mind. This is a great idea
BeckyFontenot Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 If you are that desperate for friends, any friends, you are putting yourself in a predicament. I'll tell you why...You want friends so badly that you seem like you would be willing to have anyone as a friend right now ...i am speaking from experience and I don't want you to make the same mistakes i have. Do this: Take out a piece of paper and write down 5 positive character traits that you desire to have in a friend. For ex: Kind, honest, compassionate, respectful, responsible. You are in a vulnerable position right now and will be more prone to pick friends based on personality only because you want some so bad. (been there, done that) Personality traits would be funny, outgoing, shy, friendly. etc... Even if you are desperate for friendship do not set your standards low just so you can make friends. Look at the positive character traits on your paper every day, put them up on your wall if you have too...If you strive to have those traits as well, you will attract those types of people to you. Remember also that its a person's personality that you see first when you meet them, the character of a person takes a little longer to learn... So take some time to get to know someone before you decide to make them a close friend or even someone you would continue a friendship with at all. Peace
love1336x Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Ugh. It's always extremely hard for me to make friends. I usually make friends, by friend of a friend. Maybe work, but the co-worker is always older than me... by 10 years... People around my age, I just don't get along... And for school, I really do try. I smile, and say hello and talk about our class, but never really leads to anywhere... :/ Just tough.
Onward_Upward Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) Ugh. It's always extremely hard for me to make friends... :/ Just tough. I know exactly how you, and BroknHeart feel... I was married for ten years to a fine woman. And all our mutual friends came "from", or were based around our marriage, and her community. So once she decided to end the marriage, my entire social circle was gone as well... I know, I know... Like sands through the hourglass... Anyway, I have tried to make new friends since then, and whilst I haven't really been successful thus far, I do believe I'm discovering a few "secrets" for success: Think of what REALLY interests you and takes your fancy... For example, it might be singing (i.e. karaoke), or sport... or even CHESS! Simply follow through on those pursuits, and before you know it, you'll be surrounded by people who genuinely share YOUR personal interests. With that, conversations should be easy, because you already know what to talk about. Share a few drinks together, and before you know it... BAM! You'll be in the middle of a new circle of friends. Well... that's my theory anyway. I'm only just embarking on it as we speak. So time will tell, I guess And Delyrium: As to your work-compadres... well, if they really cold-shoulder you that much, I would seriously consider finding a new job... possibly in a whole new town. But only you will know if that could work, for you. I wish you all the best P.S With the pursuit-of-personal-interests idea, you need to identify what genuinely interests YOU... Do not choose a hobby, or past-time, because you think it attracts the "right" kind of people... Doing it this way will not work, as people can smell the fraud a mile off... The interest you pursue needs to be heartfelt, and something you really like doing, IMHO. Edited August 27, 2013 by Onward_Upward
todreaminblue Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 i start conversations with people at check outs....in the hairdresser, at the pier...on the street...wherever .....mainly i smile and then they start talking...cab drivers......people on a train.........when i finish the conversation i take a point they have said and wish them well with it.........and i try to make it one that will make them laugh...so they are left with a smile on their face when i walk away......and so am i.......you just have to smile and people will talk.......and be open..... i just dont do it when i am by myself..family friends have had to drag me away from people who want to talk and i am actually on some errand.........my sister wanted to shoot me the other day she went to the hairdressers......i started a conversation with this 88 year old sweetie and we were having a good chat....and then introduced my sister........because i had to go get my hair ripped out........that sweetie could talk.....lol...she talked for a full half an hour..........smilin....my sister ...growled at me the whole way home......she said deb if you do that to me again i will kill you... i know she wont because i have every intention of doing it again.....i always end up finding people who want to talk they always without any hesitation, find me..............there are lots of people just waiting for the opportunity to talk and meet someone new, to share a story or two...make a new friend.....some really sad people and some real characters out there......all ages all nationalities..... so open face open heart...and a huge smile....people will come......try it.....see if i am right.....i know i am..just be prepared to talk and listen pack panadol..smilin atcha...cheers...and good luck.........deb 1
deancruse78 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 If you wish to accomplish friends, you aboriginal charge to put yourself out there somehow in adjustment to accommodated people. If you're still in school, sit about with added people, it doesn't accept to be the 'popular' table, or a awash one, but one with at atomic 2 added people. Remember, accompany hardly appear animadversion on your aperture while you sit at home arena computer games. advertising | advertisement | Marketing Agency | top advertising agencies in Pakistan
jacksonvillae Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 You can join a club, go to school, or go to church but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people.
Recommended Posts