Kddmom Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 My husband is an active duty military personnel. We have been married for 11years and have 3 beautiful children together. I first found out about his cheating after we were married about 1 year and I was pregnant with our first born. He was on deployment . I found out because he became a different person once our baby came into the picture. Once I found out about his betrayal I was heart broken. I packed and took our child , not because he cheated it was because he had no trouble looking me directly in my face and lie. He begged me back and we worked it out. Needless to say, I caught him cheating on me numerous of time since. His cheating caused him to miss the birth of our twins in our second pregnancy. And after that he still cheated. I left him each time of course. He is a great father. He is involved in the kids school work and extracurricular activities. He is very sweet to me. He is very intuitive with my needs and he spoils me rotten. He is always spending time with me and the kids. He cooks when I don't feel like and cleans when I'm sick or out. Its just the cheating. He is a total provider. The only problem I have is that he likes to talk and text inappropriately with other women. He has admitted to receiving oral sex from a girl in the club while on deployment. He has had sex with an ex- girlfriend while we were married. I just don't get it. Should I just get over it? Do all men cheat? Or should I just walk away from this man and my children wont have their father in the home.
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 A cheater can change, but they have to want to change. He doesn't seem to have an interest in changing. I can say from experience that I'm a man and have no interest in cheating. I'd respect whomever I'm with to end the relationship if I found myself desiring another. Only you can decide what to do with your situation. You can either accept that your husband is a liar and cheater and likely will continue to do so, or get a divorce and work on moving on as a single mother. 1
daftpunk Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Of course they can change. But they have to find the resolve themselves. They have to want to be faithful. And that rarely happens. When the going gets rough in a relationship, it's easier for them to just cheat and get their dose of faux affection elsewhere. Two of my oldest friends recently just got married. She cheated on him at one point and felt awful about it. She made sure it never happened again. I can honestly say that I believe she has been 100% faithful ever since, because she really loves him. Your situation is a little more grim, I'm afraid.
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He's not the one who needs to change. you are. What the hell does this mean?? I left him each time of course. This does nothing but confirm to him that in fact it's perfectly okay to cheat, time, and time, and time again, because even if you 'leave each time of course', it won't be for good, and you'll always take him back like the sucker-doormat he perceives you to be. He cheats because you give him the 'play away' permit. You never carry through your intentions, and therefore, he knows he can keep doing this, because you keep 'forgiving' him. Kick him out. You really want your kids to be constantly exposed to a man who disrespects his wife by screwing everything with breasts and a skirt? Who teaches them that married life is great, because guys can phukk their wives over, any time they like?? Really?? Because that's what you would be telling your children marriage will be like for them. If he's a good father he will still be there for them, every time he's not deployed, that is.... One thing he cannot be, and never will be, is a good husband to you. And that's what you are telling your children you're accepting with open arms - if you let him stay. 2
Sneaky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He is very sweet to me. He is very intuitive with my needs and he spoils me rotten. What? No he doesn't, he cheats on you and lies to you. You need to stop putting up with this and take off the rose tinted glasses. Should I just get over it? Do all men cheat? Or should I just walk away from this man and my children wont have their father in the home. First of all no you should not just get over it and no not all men cheat. This isn't normal behavior. Second the part where your children don't have their father in their home; that's on him. He's the one doing wrong, not you. He's the one that weighed the risks and decided some cheap thrills are more important than his family; that's not what a good father does and that's not what a good husband does. I'm really sorry if that's tough to hear and I do sympathize but you have to stop defending this person and stop making excuses for him. He is not a good person, he is a liar and a cheater and he's setting a horrible example for your children; that it's all right to treat or be treated like this.
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