Unfortunate Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Hey guys I'm basically emotionally sick right now. My girlfriend of a year and a half just told me she doesnt love me like she used to. I dont know where to start. We're both 18 by the way. Yesterday while we were together at the mall, she told me she doesnt love my like she used to. The second she said that my heart honestly broke. I didnt know how to react, I just sat there next to her in silence. She later says how she still wants to be friends. I FOR SOME REASON CAN'T MOVE FROM LOVERS BACK TO FRIENDS, I CAN'T JUST FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, SHE WAS MY FIRST KISS, MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND, MY FIRST SEXUAL PARTNER, AND SHE IS HONESTLY THE BEST GIRL OUT THERE FOR ME AND I REALLY DON'T THINK I'LL FIND ANYONE LIKE HER EVER AGAIN. She told me she'd like to be friends, but it came to a point where, whenever I see her, I would still kiss her on the cheek and neck and be all lovey dovey with her still. We tried to be like "friends" for a couple days but it consisted of romantic that like mentioned above, so we went back. Later that night, I get a 4 paragraph text from her basically telling me she never wants me to leave her life (even if were only friends) because she can't handle it. She wants to only be friends. I'll actually write down what she said in the text. " I don't know if you want to talk to me right now, you dont even have to respond to this if you dont want to. I just want you to know that I love you beyond belief. I dont know how our relationship will change now, all I know is that youre someone I never want to lose. Dont sit there and think that you're a terrible person and that you haven't changed for the better because you have these past couple weeks. I'm in a place where I dont know what I want at all. All I'm saying is that I don't want to lose you ever. Youre one of the best things thats ever happened to me" "If talking to me will make you miserable then you dont have to , all I ever want is for you to be happy. I really didnt put it properly, and I definitely can't say I dont want ou in a relationship way because I do, I so do. Tbh, I'm so scared of being hurt all the time. I cant expect you to wait for me to be ready, but I'm telling you the honest truth." "I couldn't help but cry when you walked away from me today when I went to work, and youre probably wondering why, and it hit me right there that to watch you wakl out of my life would hurt me so much. I dont want to sound pathetic but please dont ever go, I never want you to, I love you". All her texts melt my ****ing heart. I didn't respond at all (NC) right? Then she sends me a text about how I have a problem because I couldn't respond to her texts when she was being so calm and nice and humble. She said that if I wanted her out of my life, she'll leave. We're meeting up later today so I can get my sweater back, what should I do when I see her ? Thanks to all who read the long post lol.
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Forget the sweater. She's said you didn't have to respond but then got upset when you didn't. She wants to ease her own guilt and she can't if you don't respond. Unless you can stomach seeing her with another guy soon, I'd stay NC and just cut out of her life. Just focus on yourself right now and your own happiness. Work on moving on and learning to find fulfillment being single. And again, forget the sweater. Getting it back is not going to be worth the emotional strain and pain of seeing her or dealing with her trying to appease her guilt. 1
HopelessRomantick Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 unfortunate, forget her and stick to NC. What she asks of you is selfish. My xgf of 3yrs last July broke up with me and begged me to be her BFF and to maintain communication with her... I agreed because I wanted to do anything to be with her to maintain some form of relationship with her. 1 year later I now see my mistake which has prolonged my healing process.... I never should have agreed to either of those things and should have cut her off cold turkey. Protect yourself. Begin healing TODAY and stay NC. I say F the sweater. Send her one last message or email, txt, etc and be kind but tell her she didn't want all of you so she can't have part of you. Tell her you come as a complete package. Wish her the best, delete/block her from everywhere and move on. Hang in there...
courtnee Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Your post breaks my heart. You sound just like my high school love and I. He broke up with me and completely blindsided me with it. I felt like my life was completely ruined and thought I would NEVER get over it. Guess what...I did. That was almost ten years ago and I was over it probably 2 years after it happened, but it did take awhile. Don't stay friends with her. She is saying she wants you in her life because she probably does still love you, but it's in a different way now. It's never going to go back to how it was and it's important that you understand that now. She probably doesn't realize it, but she is being very selfish by breaking up with you and then still wanting you in her life. It's not possible, especially under these circumstances. You need to go no contact, get your sweater and walk away. Be strong. I wrote a lot of letters to him when we broke up that I never sent of course; but it was all the stuff I wanted to text him but I knew would get me no where. It helped a ton. It will get better, I swear. It just takes time. 1
Author Unfortunate Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Guys, thank you for the responses. I know NCis the way to go you guys, but it is honestly SO hard. She's just been there all the time, I don't know how I can just NC her, I just dont know. She texted me again saying she'd like to walk around and talk after I get her sweater from her, how should I handle the situation now that we're going to talk?
HopelessRomantick Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 You can always cancel and call her, etc. If I were you I'd stick to the all or nothing idea as I mentioned before. She gets all of you or none of you. She cannot have both or as the saying goes, have her cake and eat it too. For me, not cutting my xgf off with NC was the worst thing I did. A year later and I'm still not over her. It sucks and being friends does NOT work except only in the rarest of cases. IMHO, you gotta better chance of winning the lottery than making a friendship with an XGF work. And yes, NC is VERY difficult but it DEFINITELY benefits you in the long run for healing. Plus it gives you the ability to take back some power in the situation. She took her heart away from you now you take care of yourself and take yourself away from her. It sounds mean and harsh but how would you classify what happened to you? Hmmm? You can protect yourself and be kind at the same time. Just don't pour your heart out. Don't know what else to say Unfortunate except good luck with that meeting if you go through with it. HIT 1
giblesp Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) Yeah, I remember my first breakup when I was 18... My girlfriend of the time broke up with me and still wanted to be friends, still wanted to hang out with my friends. I said no, maybe we could be friends when I was over her and had met someone else. She'd actually track me down to get me to hang with her, but I'd say no. She'd ended it with me, she had to stick to her decision. That's the best way to be, and it's really tough to start off with. But it really is best that you both deal with your pain individually. Hang in there, it will get better. Tell her to keep the sweater. Walk with her when you're over her, not before. Edited July 30, 2013 by giblesp
Legatus Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I'll say it again just to make more impact: Forget the sweater. All or nothing. Why does she deserve to have you half-way? Well she doesn't! It's terrible what happened to you but the sooner you start your healing process the better. Now you're still in the position to actually take a stand, your dignity, and show that you are not going to be controlled by someone who doesn't want you the same way you do...
giblesp Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 One thing I've learned is this, if a man wants a woman more than she wants him, it can never work. I'm not implying you'll do or say anything if you met her, but women can see alot in our body language. If we come across as needy in any way, its the biggest turn off for a woman and to ourselves. I don't know this girl, but if she does give you a sign that she might be interested in getting back together, make sure that she loves you like you love her. She has to feel the same way. If her feelings are less than yours, do not let her back in.
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