spacey Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I met a guy in a group of folks I hangout with and I really liked him.I thought I saw subtle signs of him liking me as well.Little things like I would look up from the table when we were all eating dinner and would catch him staring at me.He even once asked me whom I liked and how I rated him on the dating scale. Anyways I finally told him I liked him and he told him he only likes me as a friend as he is getting out of a long term relationship and is in no place for a relationship.I said that was fine though he say he felt he was on Cloud nine that someone like me would like him and was very thrilled to think I like him. Then it so happened that this group of friends I hangout with (he is more closer to them than I am) left me out of plans and I got real mad.I got more mad with him than the rest of the gang as I felt if he genuinely thought of me as a friend he should not have left me out.I un friended him on FB and told him "If you don't even care for me as a friend..what is the point ?" Those friends of mine are back to being my friends (we talked it out) and invite me now but he is super mad with me.He is extremely angry and muttered something about how he is hurt I consider my other friends closer than him. Every time I talk to this one guy,he looks at us with so much hurt in his eyes I cannot describe. I sent him text messages,apologized (though he should have been the one telling me he was sorry for not including me in the group plans) and said we should talk - No response but his anger is so livid. I finally got fed up and I texted him - "Listen I have tried to call you,text you and I cannot seem to communicate with you after making my best efforts to reach out to you..and I wish you all the best in life as I think being friends with you seems impossible" Again i got no response but he is angry with me all the time and when we meet in a group,he will try to show his anger by slamming his car door or some such childish acts. What do I make of this ?
will1988 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I am pretty sure this guy does not like you. He has given you many hints that he does not like you. He hoped that by giving you the" oh I'm flattered... lets be friends" routine would be enough.... and it wasn't, you keep pushing him. At this point he may be thinking you are approaching creepy stalkerish territory, which in all honest is probably why he does not want you around. He also is upset because it seems his friends are taking your side. Not only did he reject you, but now his friends are now your friends. What if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel if the situations were reversed? Personally, I would try to distance yourself from him right now, and hope that by not interacting with him for a little while will bring him back to being your friend.
Author spacey Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Oh no Will1988..you are totally off track here. First and foremost if someone does not like you - they won't be mad with you.They will just leave you alone and they won't be elated to know that I like them. He was pretty elated to know I liked him and even said things like - "I will always come to meet you if you call me..but you never call me..you call my roommate more than you call me" To which I replied - "Why should I call you when you have clearly told me we are only friends..I don't want to stalk you" If he did not like me he would not be hurt when i speak to the other guy. He would not have gifted me a bottle of wine for my b'day. The common friends are not his friends.We met in a meetup and no one is on my side.They still are very much on his side.
clia Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 So are you just going to disagree with anyone who tells you this guy doesn't like you? If he's not responding to your messages, he doesn't want to talk to you, so you should really leave him alone. Guys who like you typically respond to messages. They also ask you out on dates. Anyways I finally told him I liked him and he told him he only likes me as a friend as he is getting out of a long term relationship and is in no place for a relationship.I said that was fine though he say he felt he was on Cloud nine that someone like me would like him and was very thrilled to think I like him. See the bolded portion. I don't care how elated he seemed to be -- at the end of the day, he said he didn't want to date you. If he did not like me he would not be hurt when i speak to the other guy. You're projecting. If he liked you...he would date you. It's that simple. You told him you liked him. He rejected you. Why would he do that if he liked you? The answer is...he wouldn't. Men don't work that way. He would not have gifted me a bottle of wine for my b'day. I've had friends buy me wine. I've had clients buy me wine. It's not as big of a deal as you are making it out to be. Your answer is to ignore him (and his supposed hurt feelings) and to move on. You have him his chance and he said no. That's it. 4
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He certainly doesn't like you enough to want to be with you. What difference does is make to what degree he actually likes you, if at all, when it's clearly not enough to date you. BTW If he is in fact angry over that nonsense you describe he's insane. Move on. 2
Author spacey Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Okay I forgot to add something.. I called him to talk after that fallout with mutual friends and he came over to meet me.I did not ask him to come over.I was not even ready to meet him and it took me 45 minutes to get ready and go meet him and he waited the whole time.Why would he drive over 20 miles to meet me if he had no feelings for me.He could have just ended that conversation on a phone call. He even mentioned to me - " I will come over anytime you call me" When he came over he kept sulking .."So that gal and guy (in our group of friends )are closer to you than I am " and "I am really hurt you un friended me". He paid for the dinner as well. The next week we met at a party.I did not go over to where he was.He walked over to where my table was ,said "Hi" and made small talk. Then I avoided him all evening and he got back and stopped talking to me. He then remains angry with me all the time. So he has not avoided me after I told him I liked him.
Star Gazer Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Okay I forgot to add something.. I called him to talk after that fallout with mutual friends and he came over to meet me.I did not ask him to come over.I was not even ready to meet him and it took me 45 minutes to get ready and go meet him and he waited the whole time.Why would he drive over 20 miles to meet me if he had no feelings for me.He could have just ended that conversation on a phone call. He even mentioned to me - " I will come over anytime you call me" When he came over he kept sulking .."So that gal and guy (in our group of friends )are closer to you than I am " and "I am really hurt you un friended me". He paid for the dinner as well. The next week we met at a party.I did not go over to where he was.He walked over to where my table was ,said "Hi" and made small talk. Then I avoided him all evening and he got back and stopped talking to me. He then remains angry with me all the time. So he has not avoided me after I told him I liked him. If you're already so convinced that he has romantic feelings for you (as opposed to wanting to be your friend, as he said), then why did you start this thread? 1
Author spacey Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 If you're already so convinced that he has romantic feelings for you (as opposed to wanting to be your friend, as he said), then why did you start this thread? Maybe I just needed a little re-affirmation before I confront him about his confusing behavior that is all. Except on this thread..even my friends in real life seem to think he likes me.
Author spacey Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 If you're already so convinced that he has romantic feelings for you (as opposed to wanting to be your friend, as he said), then why did you start this thread? This is so lame.Who says 80% of women are against marriage and women don't want sausage as much as men want to milk the cow. This is at best sour grapes attitude.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 mmm, I think you two are playing some kind of weird game here. How old re you guys? I agree though that he doesn't like you enough to be with you.
MidwestUSA Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Isn't "unfriending" on Facebook the eqivalent of slamming a car door? Anyway, way too much drama and oneupsmanship here, with the "my friends, your friends" nonsense. How old are you again?
sdraw108 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Then it so happened that this group of friends I hangout with (he is more closer to them than I am) left me out of plans and I got real mad. I got more mad with him than the rest of the gang as I felt if he genuinely thought of me as a friend he should not have left me out.I un friended him on FB and told him "If you don't even care for me as a friend..what is the point ?" The problem here is that you feel he has some kind of duty to invite you out whenever he does something with his friends. Your reaction to this was extremely melodramatic and over the top. If someone de-friended me on FB and sent me a message like the one you did, I'd think to myself "Wow, this person is crazy. Good riddance!". I wouldn't expect my friends who I don't have romantic feelings for to invite me out to everything they do. If I'd just told one of them I had feelings for them (and it turned out they weren't mutual), I'd especially not expect to get invited out the next time they do something. I'd completely understand that they might be feeling weird about it, and I'd be more than willing to give both of us space, if I felt I wanted to pursue the friendship regardless of my feelings. Hopefully you will learn from this experience and behave more calmly and logically if you are ever in this situation again.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Maybe I just needed a little re-affirmation before I confront him about his confusing behavior that is all. Except on this thread..even my friends in real life seem to think he likes me. If they do like you it's not confusing, you know, because they let you know. The fact he's being weird and confusing confirms what everybody here has told you - he doesn't like you romantically.
will1988 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Since you seem to not be listening and hoping for different comments from us, why not just try asking him out again... one last time, for good messure. he will probably say no. but at least you have final conformation and can stop bashing your head against the proverbial wall!
Recommended Posts