jenn78 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I know there is a thread about the grass is greener syndrome... I was wondering if any dumpees have success stories where their ex came back because they realized "the grass wasn't so green"...
Drseussgrrl Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Maybe - but do you really want to be with someone who has to dump you and date around to realize how awesome you are? Not me.
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I was wondering if any dumpees have success stories where their ex came back because they realized "the grass wasn't so green"... I believe that's a long way to say "settling". You're not exactly what makes them happy, but you're the best option. As no one leaves a situation where they are fully satisfied. 1
hotpotato Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) There probably are, but they aren't hanging around LS. @ Philosoraptor And Drseussgirl Sometimes breakup really do make people appreciate what they once had. I know people who've broken up, dated others, but reunited and are married and VERY happy. My ex broke up with me, dated someone else, then pursued me for a few years. He finally gave up. OP, what actually happens a lot in gigs is that the dumpee has moved on and will not take the dumper back. Edited July 29, 2013 by hotpotato 2
jerryh Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 great thread, i have got one, one my best mates was with his girlfriend for about year and a half and were mad in love. He got gigs and wanted to live the college life by being single and to get around. so he did that but 6 months later they meet out in a nightclub and they talked and now are back together for the last year!
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Sometimes breakup really do make people appreciate what they once had. I know people who've broken up, dated others, but reunited and are married and VERY happy. My ex broke up with me, dated someone else, then pursued me for a few years. He finally gave up. OP, what actually happens a lot in gigs is that the dumpee has moved on and will not take the dumper back. While they may appreciate what they do have more; they still left because they were not fully satisfied with what they had. Unless they have changed what they desire out of a partner, they are indeed settling. Just because who they moved onto isn't as good as what they had, doesn't mean that suddenly the reasons they left are gone. Unless either or both people have made changes they are reverting to the same dynamic. In cases where it works later there have usually been changes (most often maturity) that helps smooth out the wrinkles that occured in the previous relationship.
jerryh Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 While they may appreciate what they do have more; they still left because they were not fully satisfied with what they had. Unless they have changed what they desire out of a partner, they are indeed settling. Just because who they moved onto isn't as good as what they had, doesn't mean that suddenly the reasons they left are gone. Unless either or both people have made changes they are reverting to the same dynamic. In cases where it works later there have usually been changes (most often maturity) that helps smooth out the wrinkles that occured in the previous relationship. Who are we to say married couples settle after breaking up and getting back together? maybe they needed to experience life, maybe the breakup, was because of bad timing, distance or stuff like that. plenty of people who got into their first relationship never came out of it, some to fear of what change is like, so couldnt we say they settled for the person their with? I dont totally disagree with you, many do settle in both situations, but some just need timer and space and live life on their own, to realize what they really had with that person no? 3
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Who are we to say married couples settle after breaking up and getting back together? maybe they needed to experience life, maybe the breakup, was because of bad timing, distance or stuff like that. plenty of people who got into their first relationship never came out of it, some to fear of what change is like, so couldnt we say they settled for the person their with? I dont totally disagree with you, many do settle in both situations, but some just need timer and space and live life on their own, to realize what they really had with that person no? That wouldn't be going back into the same dynamic, would it? Changes would have happened internally or externally to make your scenario work. All I said was if you go back to the same dynamic that you weren't happy enough to stay in before, you are settling. If you leave and the dynamic has changed there may be enough to sustain a healthy and happy relationship.
Treasa Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I broke up with my partner about 10 years ago. Dated a few guys in the meantime, because after two years I hadn't felt the "spark" with him anymore, and he became my best friend. He didn't date anyone else. He's weird that way. It was me or no one. He didn't ever feel a need to have a girlfriend. Plus he said he always knew I'd be back once I realized that the other ones were ****heads. He was right. I was the dumper, I did NOT settle, but I finally got enough stupid knocked out of my head to realize how amazing my best friend is, even if there's no drama, no sparks, and no excitement. I make my life exciting enough just by being who I am, so he's a rather nice complement! There will never, ever be another guy for me, and there will never, ever be another girl for him. As I have said on this site recently, I "settled" for the best man ever. Also, he and I are freaks. Don't count on that being your case. 3
lula69 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I agree with Philosoraptor. Something must have changed, not just them not being happy either with the other partner. What MIGHT change is the realization what they did to make the previous relationship attempt fail. But short of such insight, if it's just "I realized you are the right one" is likely not enough. May be "I realized I made a mistake here there and there and I went through this trans formative process, etc." But waiting for that to happen? Not likely a good idea.
Author jenn78 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I have a friend who's boyfriend broke up with he because he thought they were too serious and he wanted to sleep with his pen pal... anyways they broke up each went their separate ways after graduating university.. traveled and such. They reunited after traveling and have been back together for almost a year. I agree people need to truly change or be willing to compromise if they believe the person they dumped are who they are mean't to be with.
hotpotato Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) While they may appreciate what they do have more; they still left because they were not fully satisfied with what they had. Unless they have changed what they desire out of a partner, they are indeed settling. Just because who they moved onto isn't as good as what they had, doesn't mean that suddenly the reasons they left are gone. Unless either or both people have made changes they are reverting to the same dynamic. In cases where it works later there have usually been changes (most often maturity) that helps smooth out the wrinkles that occured in the previous relationship. And sometimes they realize the reasons they left were relatively minor. They realize this with time. Sometimes people leave because they are dissatisfied with life and mistakenly believe their partner is the problem. Its not always as cut and dry as you are making it. People break up for a variety of reasons, its not always because they are dissatisfied or unhappy with the dumpee. I do agree that people should take time and look at the relationship dynamic. Edited July 30, 2013 by hotpotato 2
Robert Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 On Topic posts please, there already is a thread about GIGS, this thread is about GIGS success stories or lack of.
JadedRomantic Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Mine is not a success story ... yet. lol but I'm hoping it will be. I posted about it recently. My 'ex' displayed some GIGS 'symptoms', I did the NC, LC, 6 months go by. We started talking more and seeing each other more and more for the last month and a half and in the last week or so have decided to 'try again' albeit very slowly. Seems to be going well thus far.
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