Delilah1623 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 So after a week of no contact I broke down last night and sent him a text. Basically said that he treated me like crap, I didn't deserve it and I hope he never does that to anyone again. I didn't expect him to reply. He did. Said he was sorry for acting like an ass but thought it would help me
forgetmenot75 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 What? Treating you like crap to help you? What a weird way to help another person... And where it says he wants to see you?
Legatus Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 haha I just love when people behave like bunch of idiots and then they have a temper to say it was a "favour" to us (dumpees).. Some people do need reality check!
Misfortune Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 haha I just love when people behave like bunch of idiots and then they have a temper to say it was a "favour" to us (dumpees).. Some people do need reality check! They're so kind. Everything they do they do is to help us. -_- 1
Legatus Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Delilah1623 meet him only if you can keep it cool and are sure you can handle it without giving him a hint of emotion. They're so kind. Everything they do they do is to help us. -_- I know! What would we do without them. Probably be crazy and lost!
Inviv_girl Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 So after a week of no contact I broke down last night and sent him a text. Basically said that he treated me like crap, I didn't deserve it and I hope he never does that to anyone again. I didn't expect him to reply. He did. Said he was sorry for acting like an ass but thought it would help me He sounds crazy, no one in this world to be treated like crap to help them. He is an ass and yeah an ass
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 After a week of NC I had a weak moment and texted him last night. Didn't expect him to reply. But he did. Told him I am moving back to my hometown in 10 days. He said he'd like to see me before I go and say goodbye. Stupid stupid stupid.
Sneaky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Don't beat yourself up over it, you can just start NC again and aim to do better this time. Unless there's some vital need to see him, just ignore his request to see him and get back to it straight away. If it helps to lose his number or block him do so.
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I know I shouldn't meet him. But I also know ill be 1800 miles away and probably never see him again. In spite of the crap he put me through at the end he was my best friend and I think I'll regret not saying a real goodbye. But I also know it will hurt the last week I spent healing will be torn wide open again.
jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 i did the same thing as you sort of, a friend told me my ex missed me and wanted me to text her so me being a dumby decided that i would text her, the only difference is that she never texted me back. but the fact is i still caved and now i feel like i have failed myself by texting her, because she didn't truly want to talk to me it was a "in the moment" pain where she felt like she needed to talk to me, anyway you shouldn't meet up with him because honestly when you see someone who you use to love and you can tell that they don't want you anymore and they're moving on it its going to hurt like hell. i wouldn't put yourself through the pain you're going to feel its not worth it. 1
HopelessRomantick Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 breadcrumbs = drug It's like an addiction. Delilah1623, you already know how you're gonna feel afterward [you wrote it above]. That alone should be your sign to not meet with him. Look at it this way: Option 1: continue as-is. never see him again. not feeling too bad. Option 2: see him one last time. never see him again. feel like S__t. Seeing him this one last time is not going to suffice for the rest of your life so why bother. Ignore his request, move on, relocate back home and be the best that "Delilah" can be.
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Sorry. I was on my phone and i accidentally posted half my story and thought I had lost it. Guess it came up twice He has a really hard time dealing with emotions and I know him acting like an ass was his way of "dealing" with it. Seems illogical to me but I am sure me throwing a picture into his wall seemed illogical to him....
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I am going to meet with him. As hard as I know it'll be I also know I'm the only person he's ever confined his fears and insecurities too and he's holding onto so much pain from his past I want him to know he can always come to me. I know you will all say its not my problem but it feels like the right thing to do to me.
Frog Princess Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Yes, he wants the best for you and to show it, he was a complete jerk. Here's the thing - when men decide that they don't want to be bothered, they become straight j-holes. This isn't to say that your ex is a bad person. He might not be. But he's given you his behind to kiss. If someone can be that dismissive of you and your feelings then you don't need them. It's rough at first, but this is a great time to invest in yourself. For starters, you might want an anthem. Try listening to Train's "50 Ways to Say Goodbye". That song always puts me in a good mood . For hilarious stories, articles and other break up related pick-me-ups, visit Smooching Frogs.
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 It went.... Sad. There were a lot of tears... More him than me I think... Some laughs... He said he wanted to ask me not to go... But he didn't... I asked what he really wanted. Said he wanted to be with me but didn't want to have to feel guilty if he went to do stuff with his friends and have to let someone know where he was and what he was doing. Told him he can't have both. He wanted me to stay the night. I said I was gonna go. Now I am home and going to bed. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I just worked through your previous threads.... I think you need counselling. You have serious trust issues, and fear commitment to men, because you're scared they'll hurt you and abandon you. Are you a walking, talking self-fulfilling prophecy? I believe you need some form of professional help....There is an element of self-sabotage to your relationships. Get help. And I say that with compassion.
HopelessRomantick Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 glad he told you reasons why. very glad you told him he can't have both and left. now it's "Delilah" time. move on and heal. 1
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I know I have trust issues. My ex bf that i dated for 5 months was a pathologically lying sociopath. He lied to me about everything, including his name. He told me he owned a construction company. He was a career criminal, breaking into houses and stealing safes. Got arrested, left me $20,000 in debt. Got my car seized by the police in February of 2011 which I am still making payments on every month. And left me in the hospital for 2 days. I don't trust my own judgment and its hard for me to trust anyone else. My family disowned me after my divorce so I also have severe abandonment issues. I know i made a lot of mistakes in this relationship but I also did a lot right. I was always honest with him. Didn't even look at another man after we met. Would do dumb little things for him. Always let him know how much I appreciated him. He made a lot of mistakes too. Either way it would have ended. He wasn't ready for a real commitment. I do plan on starting therapy once I return home to work through a lot of the stuff that has happened.
Author Delilah1623 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 I am trying to deal with the break up but I am still so confused. I am wi dieting if any outside people can provide me with perspective on this. I went to see him Tuesday night. He was crying a lot. Asked a bunch of times if it was too late for me to stay. Told me he loves me like 10 times. That I make him happy. That i treat him better than anyone ever has. Said his roommate, the guy who was initally kind of whiny because I was stealing his buddy, had told him he thought we would get married, he'd never seen him happier and thought I was the one for him. His other roommate had told him he was making mistake last time he broke up with he and that we seemed really happy together. I asked him what he thinks about when he gets in one of his depressed moods and he says he wonders why hes thinking about getting married and having kids again when it can all just get taken from him again. (If you havent read my previous posts his ex wife cheated on him a lot and left him while he was deployed in Aghsnistan and moved with their daughter into her new bf's house. He told me that night she had gotten married again over the weekend.) He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him amd he was going to regret it. Towards the end of the night he wanted me to spend the night there and we're lying there all cuddled up and I ask him what he really wants. Says he wants to be happy with me but doesn't want to have to let someone know where he is or what he's doing and worry about talking to me etc. which is dumb because I've never gotten mad if he hangs out with his friends. Don't care if they go to Hooters. Have encouraged him to plan a camping weekend with them etc. So I said basically you want to be single but be in a relationship. And he said I guess so. Told him he can't have both and that I was going to leave. He started sobbing and had a death grip on me. Wouldn't let go for the longest time. So yesterday I told him flat out if you want me to stay and to be with me you need to let me know tonight and come talk and well figure everything out. And he said he didn't regret the break up right now. But that he didn't know how he'd feel tomorrow or the next day. Said he wants what is best for me and knows he has hurt me a lot and will end up getting depressed and hurting me again. I'm accepting it. Not going to try talk to him about it and I'm moving forward with my plans to move back home. I'm just really confused. Is it possible that he is that scarred from his his past? I don't think he was lying or faking the emotion. He is usually pretty stagnant and he was shaking with tears streaming down his face. Any insight on this?
Author Delilah1623 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 The first part was supposed to say wondering. Not dieting. I am 105 pounds. A diet is the last thing I need lol
Author Delilah1623 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 And I know I did my share of things wrong in the relationship. I would get insecure, needy and clingy at times. Put a lot of pressure on him. I have a lot of regrets about how I acted at times and I have plans to work on and improve myself. Just trying to understand what is happening with him. I worry about him and am hurting for him as much as myself.
Author Delilah1623 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Sorry one thing I left out. My period was also a couple days late and I actually got it while at his house that night. He said he had kind of hoped i was pregnant because he thought it might had given him the drive to work on himself and he couldn't find that right now. I feel like he is severely depressed and it scares me. I want to help but I don't think he's open to help at this point.
HopelessRomantick Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 He sounds confused about what he wants right now and a bit immature as well. I would keep your distance and definitely continue with your plan to move back home. Take care of yourself. It's what is most important now. He needs to figure himself out and you don't want to be there while he's in the process. You will only get hurt again, I sense.
Author Delilah1623 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 I know leaving is the right thing. If I stayed and we got back together it would happen again. If would just be much easier if I didn't know that he loves me and his heart is broken too. I always felt like if two people love each other that's enough. But it's not. I can't love him enough to make up the love he doesn't have for himself right now.
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