friendfriend Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Hi everyone. I'm a 22 year old guy. Last year I met this amazing girl(she's 21) and we became very good friends. 6 months into the friendship, i asked her out and we started going out. From the beginning, we both got really really close and it was pure bliss. We both thought we had everything in common and things could never go wrong between us. She knew a lot about me and I thought I knew a lot about her. 2 months into the relationship she told me about her previous relationships which was really hard for me to swallow because she had never even given me a hint about it. She had been in 2 relationships and she had only given me a hint about her first relationship which was when she was 16 and she just said it was just a boring fling. Her second relationship ended a year before we met. Now the problem was that this was my first ever serious relationship and she ha given me the impression that it's also her first. I started getting this really burning feeling inside me. I tried dealing with it alone but I couldn't and I told her and then we had some sad conversations over a few weeks. Finally, I got over it and we were happy together. Then I realized she had been hiding some other little things from me as well. With time, I just realized that she was just showing me a particular side of herself that she thought I'd like so I could be more interested in her and was hiding all of these other things which was clashing with my 'idea' of her. I know she didn't mean any harm and she's completely selfless. She never takes care of her clothes and stuff the way other girls do and in the beginning I didn't care much about it. In fact, I was proud that she's not into fashion and superficial stuff. She used to stay things like she's very happy with her life and she has reached her nirvana and doesn't want any of those things. But months into the relationship she just told me that she doesn't care about these things because of her low self esteem. This was hard for me and I think this was also bad for my self esteem. After this I slowly and slowly started noticing her low self esteem and my attraction started dying. I felt terrible about it and tried fighting these feelings, thinking it's just a phase. But 2 weeks ago I gave up and analysed everything and just decided that it will be good for both of us to break up. Today we broke up and it was really painful. We both cried a lot. But it ended on good terms. We decided we will stay very close friends and might work out in the future. I still care a lot about her and I love her and a part of me wants to stay with her but I also feel like I'm tied up.. She talks a lot about having a future together and that makes me feel guilty because I have all these doubts. I am just scared that if i stay with her then if not now then at some point in the future I will leave her and that will hurt her more. I won't be able to forgive myself for doing that. Problem is when I was with her I had started feeling like I am in jail and now that the break up is done I am missing her already and I feel like trying to make the things work out. Am I being stupid? can these issues be figured out or we will just end up making each other sad by trying to change each other?
Destromarch Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Eventho breaks up are really hard and seem like the end, sometimes they are the reason for something better. There is nothing in world that makes people understand and fix problems so fast like a heartache. Give this break up a chance. If she feels just like you explained, she'll take this time to analyze and slowly starting to fix her behaviours. In the meantime, you might like what you see. But in the other hand, this is highly risky and you might not find a chance to get back together with her eventho you like what you see. So yeah, it's time for you to analyze. Are you willing to take that risk? Or are you just going to let her go? Either way, good luck with it.
Author friendfriend Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Thank you for the reply but I could really use some more help.. People please help me? I'm so confused if i want to get together with her again or not. It's okay if she's not exactly who I thought she was but there are certain doubts in my head that I'm afraid might come again if we get back together again: 1-She wants a future and is looking for commitment(I have never thought of having a family and kids) 2-This is my first ever relationship and something inside keeps on telling me that I will be being harsh on myself if I don't look around for other people. 3-I won't call her ugly but she doesn't take care of herself at all. She's still pretty much a tomboy. I don't want her to be crazy about fashion but I think it's natural for me to want a girl who wants to dress up once in a while and then I'm in a college that's full of girls who are very much into clothes and all those things.. But despite all those things I love her but I don't want to end up hurting her as I feel like these things will be present subconsciously. What do you guys think?
Recommended Posts