NYCGuy22 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Why can't I wake up just one morning without thinking about her and what we had together? How do I stopping missing something that I haven't had in months? This girl cheated on me and left me for her friend - yet, I can't stop thinking about how much I loved her. If she ever decided to come back, I can honestly say that I wouldn't take her back after what she did to me - yet, I can't get her off my mind!!! I've been on a few dates, and trying to better myself physically and mentally. I'm pushing forward, trying to improve my life, and let her go - but then the old feelings just keep creeping up. I've even gone the extreme route of eliminating some mutual friends from my life because I don't want any reminder of her or what we had together. I have to find a way to stop the madness in my mind - but having someone as your best friend and love for 6 years is hard to accept that they are just....poof...gone! ARRRRRGGGGHH!!!
Talulah Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I could not imagine going through a break-up agter being with someone for six years. I hate the up and down too. I hope one day soon not to care. I still hope most days that he cares.
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Time and NC is the only way to get through it. I think what you're experiencing is absolutely normal. 6 years is a long time to have someone in your life and then one day they are gone. It's like a death and hurts like hell. Keep doing what you're doing. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and stay NC. If you feel like dating, date. If you want to be alone, be alone. Time is the ultimate healer for us.
Author NYCGuy22 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I guess what really bothers me is how she (or anyone else who leaves someone after 6+ years) can handle it as well? How do spend every day with someone for 6 years and then decide that it is easy to replace them and never speak to them again? 2
Jenny1234 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I guess what really bothers me is how she (or anyone else who leaves someone after 6+ years) can handle it as well? How do spend every day with someone for 6 years and then decide that it is easy to replace them and never speak to them again? I feel the exact same way after my ex of 3 years suddenly disappeared into the dark of night. Like how can you just turn off like that? I ask myself that question all the time and I will never get an answer. I'm 3 months out with No contact slip ups on my end here and there. There is not a day when not thinking of the person. I guess these are some People out there that are not as a good of a person as you and me. Stay strong! I know it's soooooo hard.
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I guess what really bothers me is how she (or anyone else who leaves someone after 6+ years) can handle it as well? How do spend every day with someone for 6 years and then decide that it is easy to replace them and never speak to them again? You're being presumptuous thinking the dumper just hits a switch and never thinks of you or us again. It is true though that in MOST cases, a dumper had been checking out of the relationship for days/weeks or months before ending the relationship. It DOES NOT mean they don't think of you at all or have not thought of contacting you again. When you don't hear from them again, it just means they think they are better off long term w/out you. Trust me, I've been a dumper in most long term relationships. The dumper hurts as well. They have their days of crying, questioning their decision, missing us. This is reality. The dumpee's reality is to move on and not expect or plan on having contact w/the dumper again, heal and have a great life. 1
Author NYCGuy22 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 You're being presumptuous thinking the dumper just hits a switch and never thinks of you or us again. It is true though that in MOST cases, a dumper had been checking out of the relationship for days/weeks or months before ending the relationship. It DOES NOT mean they don't think of you at all or have not thought of contacting you again. When you don't hear from them again, it just means they think they are better off long term w/out you. Trust me, I've been a dumper in most long term relationships. The dumper hurts as well. They have their days of crying, questioning their decision, missing us. This is reality. The dumpee's reality is to move on and not expect or plan on having contact w/the dumper again, heal and have a great life. I appreciate what you had to say, but let me ask you this. If the dumper has days of crying, missing us, and questioning the decision - why wouldn't they attempt to have a conversation or call? Is it pride? Is it confusion? I can see how easy this can be in a short term relationship - but 6 years is a long lime to move on from someone. And just some background...my ex left me for my best friend, who was being her knight in shining armor while we were going through some rocky times. I could care less about him - but it was kind of a double blow.
Dundas Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Leaving you for your best friend is really Low. But it is what it is. She'll always be in your head, you'll never forget her - but give it a few months and the thoughts of her will be less an less. She thinks of you too and she was probably checking out of the relationship months beforehand. All you can do is accept it for now and move on with your life. Try to forgive them in time, it's not good to hold on to negative feelings. I was in the same situation with my ex, only it was her brother's friend... and with time, I've gotten closure. I'm not totally moved on yet but it's gotten much easier with time and I no longer hold any hard feelings.
eddyctv Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Its been about 6 weeks for me, and I can honestly say that I am finally...FINALLY...feeling better. It'll happen bro, just stay strong and try to stop asking yourself questions that will cause you pain... Why can't I wake up just one morning without thinking about her and what we had together? How do I stopping missing something that I haven't had in months? This girl cheated on me and left me for her friend - yet, I can't stop thinking about how much I loved her. If she ever decided to come back, I can honestly say that I wouldn't take her back after what she did to me - yet, I can't get her off my mind!!! I've been on a few dates, and trying to better myself physically and mentally. I'm pushing forward, trying to improve my life, and let her go - but then the old feelings just keep creeping up. I've even gone the extreme route of eliminating some mutual friends from my life because I don't want any reminder of her or what we had together. I have to find a way to stop the madness in my mind - but having someone as your best friend and love for 6 years is hard to accept that they are just....poof...gone! ARRRRRGGGGHH!!!
Spoonss Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Going through something similar man, its been 3 months for me and its alot easier now but there are days like today where I just cant stop thinking of her.
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I appreciate what you had to say, but let me ask you this. If the dumper has days of crying, missing us, and questioning the decision - why wouldn't they attempt to have a conversation or call? Is it pride? Is it confusion? I can see how easy this can be in a short term relationship - but 6 years is a long lime to move on from someone. And just some background...my ex left me for my best friend, who was being her knight in shining armor while we were going through some rocky times. I could care less about him - but it was kind of a double blow. I think it can be a lot of factors. Pride, ego, but don't forget they could be just as scared of being rejected if they come back to us as well. It could also be that they simply fell it's still the right decision and just work thru the pain like we do. My ex GF and I broke up on xmas day (mutual decision). I left her brothers house. We didn't speak for almost a month. I saw her going home one am and followed her home cause I wasn't over her. She asked me to come in. She shared that she was really pissed for the first couple of weeks. She then was in her closet 2-3 weeks after our break up and found a shirt of mine that I had changed out of and hung up. She could still smell me and my cologne on it. She said she hugged the shirt, fell on the floor and cried for hours, since it was a connection to me. She then wore it to bed for several nights. Even with this, she STILL DIDN'T reach back out to me to reconcile. I asked her why. She said she was scared I'd be mean to her, not talk to her or tell her I didn't want to date her again. She didn't want to feel rejected. SO, there are many reasons dumpers don't reconnect. I still think in most cases, the dumper struggles, cries, misses us but keep to their decision that they are better off w/out us.
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