Allora Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Background: We got together senior year of high school and stayed together for 2 & 1/2 years. We fought over something but this time it was different because he wanted a break after it. It was the most painful 3 weeks of my life because of how dragged out the breakup was. He said the break was for him to get his life together but he was actually checking out other girls and asking them out. We got back together a couple of days but he was so withdrawn that caused frustration within me that we fought again, and this time he broke it off for real. I'm so ashamed to admit that I still didn't let it go after the breakup. I'd break contact to call him, hoping he didn't mean what he said and that he wants to get back together. Instead, every time I'd hang up upset, because he makes it clear that he has moved on. After reading the forums for awhile now, I've realized what we had wasn't bound to last anyway. I'm pretty sure he had the gigs.. I've experienced it several times in our relationship but never really knew how to break it to him, so I've always stayed and hoped our love would somehow overcome my urges to want to experience something more. Now: I really want to get over him, I really do. But I feel like the thing that's keeping me from moving on is the thought that he probably lost any respect he had left for me due to me not letting go completely when we broke up. It's killing me inside that although I've been happier lately, that there's someone out there with such an bad impression of me. I don't want him to think I'm still pining over him and dying to get back together. I just really want to write him a letter expressing how sorry I am for making the breakup worse than it already was. I want to say how deep down I've always known that we weren't bound to last because of how young we are and how inexperienced we are when it comes to enjoying life as a free, single adult. I just want to wish him well with his life and that I'm not bitter about it anymore and even came to realize that the relationship taught me a lot about myself: what I want, and also what I need to improve on. I really don't expect a response, in fact I'd actually prefer if he didn't! For some reason though I feel like I shouldn't send this letter because deep down I know my reason for doing this is to hopefully erase his last thoughts of me being clingy and desperate. Also, he seems to be enjoying his life just fine without me, even has a girlfriend now, only 3 weeks after we broke up. I don't know if sending this will make it even worse. I feel like an opinion from someone outside the "relationship" may help me decide better.. What do you guys think? Edited July 29, 2013 by Allora
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 The only person who needs respect for you right now is yourself. If you want to not show yourself as clingy and desperate, then make no contact at all and just work on yourself. So no, do not send anything.
Sneaky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Don't worry, you are not alone. I could not let go either and tried to convince my ex for a long time. I have had the exact same thoughts about writing an apology for how I handled the breakup. The thing is though that writing a letter will just show them that we are still stuck in the past and that they are still on our mind. It pretty much confirms the opposite of our intention. The strongest message you can send is silence. Also I read this comment on a similar post of mine and it helped; you have nothing to apologize for. You should not apologize for being in love and doing the best you could with the knowledge you had to try and fight for that. 2
Misfortune Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 A lot of dumpees seem so ashamed of the things they did-short of threats, violence and such- to fight for what they love/believed in. The dumpers are also fighting to do what they feel is right for them but they're not made to be embarrassed by their ways of doing things. They're fighting by ignoring you, disappearing or just running away. There fighting to get you to stop fighting for the thing that was once dear to you and most times, they win.
Recommended Posts