kileyy Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Alright, so let me start off by saying me and my ex were together for 3 and a half years. We both turn 18 in a couple of weeks. He was not only my boyfriend, but my absolute best friend that I could trust with anything. He was always the sweetest, nicest, shy boy I had ever met. That is, up until about a year ago, when we started to have some problems. First off, I broke up with him because I felt we needed a break. No big deal, just needed a breather. We were 16 at the time. We stayed broken up for about 2 weeks, and got back together. Shortly after, I found out that within the first week of us breaking up, he had gone and lost his virginity to another girl. He said he wanted to beat me to finding someone, so it wouldn't hurt him as much. I was hurt because I always imagined us losing our virginity to each other, but we worked through it. Then he got a new job, which was fine at first. But I soon realized his co-workers were not very good influences. I found out he had been smoking a ton of pot with them, and he didn't understand why I was upset. If you knew this boy, it would come as a shock to you too. He always thought drugs were unecessary and stupid. Anyways, we worked through that too, though I had some trust issues because of it. We grew apart in the last few months, we both kind of stopped trying. He was becoming increasingly distant and a shell of what he used to be. I felt we needed another break, so we mutually broke up. However, for 2 weeks after we broke up, he would text me in hysterics asking if there was any way we could work it out, he loved me so much, it drove him crazy to think of me with someone else, etc. I stood my ground because I felt we needed the break. A week or two later, I found myself missing him and realized how much I truly did love him. I told him this, and he came over to my house at 2 AM before I left for a trip to Cali. He said he still loved me but just wasnt sure this time could be different. I was a little confused, since so soon before he was on his hands and knees begging for me back. But I let it go and he said that he wouldn't make any decisions until I got back from my trip. Well, while in Cali, I found out he already had feelings for another girl. He said it happened over the last few months, which I find hard to believe, because he was just SO upset when we broke up. I found out that he had also had casual sex with this friend of his, she just turned 16, to try and get over me, which developed into actual "feelings." I don't know why he always tries to go straight for the physical things to drown out his pain. We never had sex and I was never really an intimate type person, which I think bothered him because I found out that he tried to cheat on me when he went out of town. He bought condoms and attempted to hook up with a girl there, but only didnt because her uncle ended up being home. I texted him about it and never got a reply, but he admitted to it when I talked to him in person. Before I found out about the cheating, I hung out with him when I got back from my trip. He seemed very conflicted, but kissed me and said he'd give me another chance. He ended choosing her over me when I did find out, and now we just don't talk. It's hard because he was my world, the person I leaned on for everything. He went from being as heartbroken as could be to in "love" with her in a little over a month after our 3 and a half year long relationship. They have sex all the time, which is obviously what he always wanted from me and now he probably thinks its the greatest and what we were missing... It's like he erased me from his mind. I never even got a sorry, I had to ask for one when I went to go return his stuff. He says he just wants me to be happy and find someone else. He also mentioned he doesn't feel like he deserves me. I wanted to try and be friends, I am just too forgiving I guess, because even that was too much for him to take on. He drinks and smokes a lot. I haven't spoken with him in 2 weeks now and he just seems happy as ever. I feel like he's treating her like a princess and actually wants to maybe be better, even after all the times I tried to help him stop doing all these harmful things... Or maybe it's just that she's also into drinking and what not. She's the exact opposite of me. How can someone do that? Everything. It's making my head spin how quickly it all unfolded. He even told me what we had was so hard to find. I just am confused. Edited July 29, 2013 by kileyy details
Stucknchaos Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Your story sounds just like mine.. Everything he said to you, is exactly what my ex said to me. We've been broken up since October and we haven't talked in about three months. I know it hurts, I know you feel like utter and complete ****. BUT it will get better. These "men" are just scared little boys that are very immature. You deserve better boo, keep your chin up! Don't reach out to him. He will realize what he did to you is wrong and he will have to live with that!! In the mean time, focus on you. It gets so much easier! I rarely even think about my ex anymore. I can't stress to you how much easier it does get!
Misfortune Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Mine also did the same. If I left to cool off when we had a fight she would fight for me not to leave and such. She found her a gf and she just gave up on me. She doesn't need me anymore. I got no apologies or anything. They all this "I love you stuff" but you treat you like dirt under their shoe. I didn't know that's how you treat someone you love.
Author kileyy Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Sorry this happened to you guys too... I don't know why I feel like I can't let go. He just meant so much to me, and as much as I hate him for it, I still feel like I love him.
Misfortune Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 It's normal to feel that way after a relationship. Just because they left you doesn't make your feelings invalid. You feel what you feel. Time will be your friend. The more time that goes by, the easier it gets sometimes. My situation happened last month and spent June begging and all that stuff you shouldn't do to fight for what you love. Now this month I just gave up on trying to fix things and even though I feel "better", I don't really feel anything in my heart anymore. I can't let go yet and still love her but there's nothing I can do.
Author kileyy Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Yeah, I'm kind of at that point too, I don't really know what I feel. I've never gone a day without talking to him and it just feels empty. I feel like I shouldn't be the one suffering, he's the one who cheated and all, and doesn't seem to care... Oh well. I guess I'll see where time takes me. Thank you all for the kind words and advice, by the way Been needing someone to talk to.
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