MelodyJ Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Ok, so now that I have posted and read so many things that others are going through, I have to ask this: Has anyone here ever really had just strictly mid life crisis? Or, had an ex that went through it, and after all the hurt, realized it was jsut that and wanted to get backtogether? My b/f says thats what is happening to me because I am so adamant about it being over for good and I don't want to try anymore. I don't think so, but.... God, now he is making me doubt myself. Thoughts?
SoleMate Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I would give his idea some consideration, but keep in mind it could easily be just his self-serving opinion and nothing more. He might even believe it, because his mind is flailing, trying to find reasons why his world is being pulled apart. "Aha, she must be crazy! Off her rocker! That is the only possible explanation why someone would dump a great guy like me!" I have had previous SOs tell me that I would be miserable without them, and that I was severely in need of psychiatric help for wanting to end it...and they turn out to have been 100% mistaken.
ltomlinson81 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I think that many times, people who are facing being "dumped" create these kinds of excuses for their significant others' decision to leave to soften the blow. If he or she can convince themselves that "this is just a phase" or you are "going through a mid-life crisis" or "you need help if you don't want to be with me," then it makes them feel better about the breakup. Like it is not at all their fault. Most of the time, I think they don't really believe these things they say. It is almost like a form of denial. You may be going through a mid-life crisis, but allow yourself to evaluate that on your own, don't let your significant other convince you of that, merely because he is having a difficult time handling your decision to leave.
immoralist Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I think that many times, people who are facing being "dumped" create these kinds of excuses for their significant others' decision to leave to soften the blow. If he or she can convince themselves that "this is just a phase" or you are "going through a mid-life crisis" or "you need help if you don't want to be with me," then it makes them feel better about the breakup. That's true in my experience. And the dumper, to assuage the dumpee, will sometimes see a therapist to rule out a "clinical" explanation for ending the relationship. He'll play along to a limited extent. To the dumpee, her spouse/lover is different, he has changed. Attributing these changes to mid-life crisis or depression is one way that the dumpee can protect her ego. It's an understandable strategy especially with the breaking apart of a relationship after many years. I can't blame them.
Author MelodyJ Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Thank you all for your supportive and insightful words. Immoralist, I can't get enough of your posts and shall confess my weakness for intelligent men. I have decided I am NOT going through a mid-life crisis. I know who am and who I want to be, regardless of what others think. It is time for me to take the wheel and drive, as the song goes. It is convincing him that will be the hard part.
izzybelle Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 i have to say that every time i hear the phrase mid-life crisis i have to wonder where it came from? and now every time anyone around that age decides to make a change it gets lumped into that category. and then i hear people say that now mid-life crisis is happening to people at an earlier age. ok, so that just confuses me.... there are, no doubt, certain milestones in peoples' lives where we take stock of where we are and where we thought we should/could be. i think my ex thought that i was having a mid life crisis when i decided that i wanted to leave him. there was nothing mid-life about it except for the timing... i'd just had enough. didn't matter how old i was i'd siimply had enough. i do agree though that many people try to come up with some reason to save ego when they get dumped. face it it's much easer to say to others that their partner had a mid-life crisis and left than to have to admit that maybe it was something about them. MsM - good luck to you and good luck with trying to convince him. you may, as the song goes, take the wheel and drive but he may continue to choose to only hear the song that's playing in his head.
Author MelodyJ Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 He is definitley in denial. After taking all his crap for 5 years, he conveniently forgets all the hurt and name calling (even the "C" word) , and blames my leaving on my mid life crisis. If that will justify it in his head, then I really don't care, just as long as he leaves me in peace.
bluechocolate Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Originally posted by immoralist To the dumpee, her spouse/lover is different, he has changed. Attributing these changes to mid-life crisis or depression is one way that the dumpee can protect her ego. It's an understandable strategy especially with the breaking apart of a relationship after many years. I can't blame them. Me neither. If you're firm about your reasons for leaving & are determined to do so then you're gonna leave regardless of what he says, right? If it ever happens you can deal with the crawling back at that time & tell him you'll come up with your own excuses if they're ever needed.
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