Axee Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 My SO is a director in an MNC. He is 36 years old and is handling many responsibilties at work. I am 28 years old and a software engineer. The thing is we live in the same city and manage to meet once in a week (most of the times )and call everyday ( Usually I call.. ) ..But when he goes on business trips abroad.. he calls me only once a week or so.. I find this very frustrating and I am a person who needs more time from him.. Also,I am not clingy but I would love to meet him at least twice a week when we are in the same city. He is extremely workoholic with fully scheduled calls and meetings.. I also suspect he kind of needs his space .. I understand this, but what about me? I have tried talking about it occasionally .. he always says busy I manage time for you when I am free..I feel very bad and rejected when he says "no, today i cant meet because I have xyz work" I need to ask him again and then he says ok if he really is free the next time.. I find these negative thoughts filling in my head during these times .. Please advice.. I would love to hear from people whose SO lead busy lives are quite independent..
clia Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 The two of you don't seem to be compatible. To be honest, from what you've posted he doesn't seem that into you if you are the one initiating the phone calls, and he isn't making an effort to see more of you. I don't care how busy he is with work -- if you live in the same city he could make the time to see you more than once a week. Does he ever ask you out or make plans with you or call you first, or are you doing all the pursuing? If you are already upset about the amount of time he can devote to you at six months in, what makes you think it is going to get any better? I don't think asking to see him twice a week at this point is too much to ask. You've seen his priorities -- now you have to decide whether or not you want to continue this relationship, or to go find a man who has more time for you. 2
soccerrprp Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 The workaholic, independent type will always be so. Same city and no time to meet more often? Rubbish! If he was really into you, he would make the effort. At least make more of the effort to call, initiate communication and plan something ahead of time. 2
Author Axee Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 He has always been that way.. And probably he will too... He and me both are in technology industry with late night calls, meetings and such... Whenever we are together, he is most loving and affectionate.. and decent kind well mannered and trustworthy.. I don't want to throw a good thing away because of this time issue.. I want to let him have his space and time and at the same time be happy as well.. Not sure how to achieve that..
Brunettie Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I would love to hear from people whose SO lead busy lives are quite independent.. My boyfriend has a very busy job. In the summer the work load is heavier so he's working 10-12 hour days, sometimes 6 days a week. We spend his days off together, and sometimes he asks me to go over after work. If he gets out at a decent time, sometimes we will meet up for dinner. He calls on his way home from work everyday. Sometimes we'll text a little throughout the day...either one of us may start the texting. He had to go out of town for a week and a half a couple months ago, and he texted every night and called I think twice or three times. I know you said you told him you'd like to see him more, but he said he was busy and sees you when he's free. I know some jobs can be very demanding. Maybe sit down and have a little talk about this again and let him know how important it is to you. Let him know that simply just 1 text during his lunch break to let you know he's thinking about you would brighten your day. And when he calls you first, when you're ending the call tell him "Thanks for calling, it was really nice to hear from you" or something, so he feels good about it and it might motivate him to call more often. Or text. 3
jphcbpa Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 "I find these negative thoughts filling in my head during these times .. " Tell us more about this...
Author Axee Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Negative thoughts as in.. When for such long durations of time ( a week) during his business trips.. he does reply when I text or msg him but i get the feeling that he is busy focusing on other things.. Its at that time that I feel as though "He is not that into me",start feeling insecure.. worry and feel anxious about it... This anxiety was very much high until I read the book "Attached" after that I calmed down considerably.. Anyways, today I met him and sat down and talked about how important this is.. he said he has been travelling around a lot and he knows that he hasnt been able to balance .. and he is awaiting some breathing time ..Strange thing is today he had an hour off we met then, and then he had to drive back home I went the opposite way of my house so that i get another hour with him in the car.. This small thing somehow triggered something in him and he texted me after reaching " just reached home and I am feeling very bad and guilty ya..am not acting pricy..let us talk once am back.." I reply " haha.. hey chill ya" "please dont think so much" "have a nice trip and enjoy we will talk tomorrow"
crude Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I think he should make more of an effort to get together with you. I'm sure he's getting his space on those trips, traveling and eating alone gives one time to think. And he should discuss getting together more often, not because he's the male, but because only he knows when he has that precious free time. Otherwise, some things just aren't meant to be.
Author Axee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 He travels for 2 weeks or so once in 3 to 5 months.. which is OK i guess.. Anyways I think yesterday the point went home.. he was suggesting we go for a one day trip to some place near by 2 to 3 weeks from now... I felt guilty for making him feel guilty . But still thinking "Lets talk once we are back" What does that mean? .. I know i am the anxious kind.. trying to relax a bit..
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