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True of false? Men and women are equally "shallow" when selecting mates

BeholdtheMan

By BeholdtheMan
in General Relationship Discussion

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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No.

 

You need to stop letting it piss you off, it's hot air and nothing more. They don't even hate men most of the time, they're just jaded, pissed off women. It doesn't anger me or upset me.

 

I know I'm not a misogynist, I can talk about these things very easily, without painting all or most women as one thing or another and that's that. Learn to do that and stop being so led.

 

Most of the men on here are just jaded and pissed off as well.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Most of the men on here are just jaded and pissed off as well.

Yeah, I gathered. For what it's worth, all you jaded people are stupid :laugh:.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Sad to be her, or her husband.

 

What does this have to do with you? It certainly has nothing to do with me and my husband.

 

I am using her as an example to show how some women let themselves be used by obvious players then want to take it out on all men.

PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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Just touch the f*cking stove :laugh:. The fire isn't even on yet....

 

My face is a third degree burn:laugh:

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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My face is a third degree burn:laugh:

Please :rolleyes:

 

I've seen Skeletors with GFs :D

PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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Please :rolleyes:

 

I've seen Skeletors with GFs :D

 

their girlfiends were probably their physical equivalent i wouldnt f a female looking verison of me :laugh:

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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their girlfiends were probably their physical equivalent i wouldnt f a female looking verison of me :laugh:

:laugh: Who's shallow now?

 

:lmao:

  • Like 1
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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:laugh: Who's shallow now?

 

:lmao:

 

I never said i wasnt :laugh: but even an avergae looking girl is better looking then me im not for shooting super models exactly

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BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

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Posted

I didn't really start this thread to bash either men or women. It's more of a conclusion I've reached through my own personal experience. Perhaps "shallow" is poor word choice because of all the negative connotations.

 

There's nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to good looks, power, or charisma. It is what it is. People just have to accept that moral virtue and sexual attraction are totally unrelated.

 

Consider these typical moral virtues: kindness, consideration, loyalty, responsibility, integrity, respectfulness etc.

 

None of these traits are sexually attractive. They're positive in a platonic sense. Most people would want their friends or their life partners to have these traits...but these traits don't get di**s hard or panties wet

 

I think a lof of male bitterness is spawned when women pass over men who exhibit "nicer" behaviour and instead choose to sleep with men who exhibit less "nice" behaviour. What these dudes don't get is that neither men nor women are physically turned on by the traits listed above

 

Don't get me wrong...being respectful, considerate, kind, responsible, and honest are all very positive traits, but they don't trigger our primal sexual lust. When it comes to choosing sexual partners, sexually attractive traits trump non-sexual positive traits.

 

For men, it boils down to physical appearance. I don't care what a great personality a girl has...if she's butt ugly, I won't be attracted to her. For women, it boils down to physical appearance plus dominant status (wealth, power, "swagger" etc.)

 

Thus while it's probably fair to say men and women are equally "shallow", I think a better way of putting it would probably be "men and women are equally sexual"

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Because it's a fantasy in your mind. You give them characteristics mentally that you find attractive.

 

If the above was the case people wouldn't go off each other when they meet in real life.

 

I'd still have to disagree, and it makes sense based on your response to my other thread about what made your best sex the best. You said that an emotion connection was most important for the best sex for you. However, others answered that it was a physical attraction or a common interest in particular sexual mechanics.

 

How can people be sexually attracted to prostitutes if an emotional attraction was required? What about those folks who visit those "sex dungeons" to "play" with strangers? Where is the emotional bond there? Again, I don't think sexual attraction has to be emotional in nature. It's just how you and perhaps others value sex.

 

But there is more than one way.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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But shallow is shallow. People focussed inordinately on external qualities such as looks, washboard abs, money, status, etc. are "shallow" by my definition. I don't think it's the exclusive province of men OR women but individual people. I do think that it's more prevalent in youth, and that lots of us move past the focus on the superficial as we mature and gain wisdom … as well as a strong sense of the fleeting nature of all that stuff in life.

 

It's only fleeting if you allow it to be. All qualities are inherently fleeting without upkeep and maintenance. It's what you choose to retain. Is it wrong to choose to retain external qualities...?

charlietheginger Established Member

charlietheginger

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Alot of women who are 10s cant find a man thats a 10

Willing to marry them.

 

Alot of factors come into play

She is a 10 that drinks cant hold a job guys will get sick

Of her so she has to pick guys that are 7s so she can

Lay on the couch and watch soaps.....

 

Some women who are 10s want kids so they seek men who

Will be good fathers no guy thats a 10 will have opportunities to

Cheat so a 7 will do.....

 

some women are bossy and like power so a guy thats a 10

Doesn't have to take the drama and will dump her. After

All the 10s wont take her crap she is stuck married to a pushover

7 8 that's bows down and says yes dear....

 

So when you see a guy thats a 9 10 settling for a 7 8

He probably wants a drama free ltr versus a drama queen

 

If you see a woman thats a 10 with a 8 its probably because

Other 10s didn't want her for some reason ( beetchy,rude,snobbie

Does not give head, cant hold a job)

 

Tons of reasons come into play

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I am always unhappy when faced with ignorant sweeping generalizations. I don't care what they're about. They're dumb. Stop making them. Thanks.

 

Serious question here...but does disdain for generalizations reflect low self-esteem? It is often touted here on LS that if you have high self-esteem, you don't let what others think of you bother you, since you know who you are. So is being bothered by what others think of you or even your gender a sign of low self-esteem? :confused:

Pompeii Established Member

Pompeii

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Players have been pre-selected. Women don't mind sharing a top guy. They don't care if he's sleeping with 4-5 others. And if they end up with an STD or cervical cancer, this is why. I'm at the point where I may have to start requiring STD testing before sex since women have more casual sex than men.

 

I remember telling someone that a lot of single women would rather share a guy in the elusive "20th percentile" than be with some average guy. Most people don't believe this but if this wasn't the case, I wouldn't have seen so many of my friends who would be considered "20th percentile" men juggle lots of women so effortlessly. I have friends who have been there, I've seen these things play out, I've heard the stories ad infinitum. One of my brothers was a ladies man when he was single (my other one to a much lesser extent as well) back in the day and he told me stories that were incredible. He has seen a side of women most "straight and narrow" guys will never see. Women in insane throes of lust, women fighting over him, etc.

 

People who have no clue of these things are quick to dismiss them as impossible and "out-of-touch". When you're single and young, you see alot of things that these old and married people believe don't exist. My parents, people older than 35, these people don't know that we play by new rules today. Being single now is not the same as it was in 1993. We need to keep that in mind.

 

Speaking on STDs, I am glad that I have removed myself from the dating arena because STD infection rates have apparently risen over the past couple of years. It is estimated that 1 in 4 people in America have an STD. That's 25 percent. Speaking on another "1 in 4" statistic, there's been research that has estimated that 1 in 4 women have some sort of mental disorder (those are the ones who are diagnosed). It explains a lot. It seems with all of these unfortunate developments going on, it is not really worth it to stumble into this arena. Oh well, each to his own.

Edited by Pompeii
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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Sorry, Hokie, but we do not ultimately have control over our bodies. Yes, we can do our best with upkeep and maintenance. It's not wrong. But it would be ill advised, to put it mildly, to base much of the foundation for a lifelong relationship upon that.

 

Why the polar view? If one values the physical qualities, why is it assumed that it suddenly becomes the foundation of a relationship? Can the value of personality and vanity not coexist?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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And I think you are either being deliberately obtuse in your responses to me, or you really truly lack some basic understanding of human nature and what brings people together to form lasting positive relationships.

 

Not being deliberately obtuse. And I also understand what it takes to form lasting relationships. I don't usually discuss them because there's no counterpoint to work with. No one questions whether all the positive feelings and values related to love are necessary for a relationship. Of course they are. I'm just curious as to why certain other areas are downplayed or even outright ignored when it comes to relationships, so my LS focus tends to be on those areas. I suppose I have a "why can't we have it all" mentality.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I'd still have to disagree, and it makes sense based on your response to my other thread about what made your best sex the best. You said that an emotion connection was most important for the best sex for you. However, others answered that it was a physical attraction or a common interest in particular sexual mechanics.

 

How can people be sexually attracted to prostitutes if an emotional attraction was required? What about those folks who visit those "sex dungeons" to "play" with strangers? Where is the emotional bond there? Again, I don't think sexual attraction has to be emotional in nature. It's just how you and perhaps others value sex.

 

But there is more than one way.

I wasn't referring to emotional attraction at all. I think you proved my point that most people don't understand the subtleties of attraction.

 

Non-physical doesn't mean being attracted to someone with a caring heart who likes watering flowers. You respond to nuances that have been ingrained in you. Hence things like the dominant-submissive dynamics for example. Certain things you pick up about another person. Attraction is not physical vs non-physical, it's a combination of both. It's not about wanting to be in a relationships with someone - which is what the emotional connection would suggest - it's about responding to deeper, almost subconscious resonance.

 

With the Kirsten Stewart example: perhaps it's the moody thing or perceived icey coldness or whatever but it is a personality trait, not just the shape of her face or her general looks.

  • Like 1
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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With the Kirsten Stewart example: perhaps it's the moody thing or perceived icey coldness or whatever but it is a personality trait, not just the shape of her face or her general looks.

 

No, it's her face and body...I honestly can't stand her personality, and she seems like a hipster. But she's still number one to me... :confused::laugh:

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
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No, it's her face and body...I honestly can't stand her personality, and she seems like a hipster. But she's still number one to me... :confused::laugh:

Maybe you are attracted to women you can't stand? You wouldn't be the first guy who is into b*tches.

 

Anyway, this is not to analyse it, maybe it's too hard for me to understand otherwise since her looks are unremarkable :confused:

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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Maybe you are attracted to women you can't stand? You wouldn't be the first guy who is into b*tches.

 

Anyway, this is not to analyse it, maybe it's too hard for me to understand otherwise since her looks are unremarkable :confused:

 

You hold your tongue!!! :mad:

 

 

:laugh:

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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You hold your tongue!!! :mad:

 

:laugh:

Nah, I can't imagine that would be ever necessary :)

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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This women clearly doesnt own a mirror :laugh:

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbpRUJqqfnA

 

i think the has a point. As far as her not being attractive, Ive seen men chase a lot worse than that!

 

I could be a fitness model, but the shortest, fattest, oldest men will hound me for a date. Now, if I'm a healthy 26 year old, why do I want and obese 40 something man with a myriad of health problems? Im not opposed to dating (40+ year old men as long as I am attracted to him.)

 

Now I'm beginning to think its because they like the chase. They feel the cold vibes I give and they just keep COMING! I think on some level some men like the chase and dont mind if a woman is icy. I have this one guy I'm not into, but yet he has been chasing me for years. i dont talk on the phone with him. I dont make time for him, but he only gave up temporarily. Yet if I were to date a man, make plenty of time for him and be there for him, he's gone. Maybe this is why they say it's always the one you dont want that sticks around?

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BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

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I wouldn't have seen so many of my friends who would be considered "20th percentile" men juggle lots of women so effortlessly.
An attractive/powerful man can impregnate scores of women over his lifetime. I believe 1 out of 200 men are direct descendants of Genghis Khan.

 

a man's biological instinct is to have sex with as many women as possible. A woman can't really pump out that many babies. Pregnancy and delivery and time-consuming and painful. A woman wants to find the best quality mate she can.

 

In simplistic terms, men go more for quantity, women go more for quality. It wouldn't surprise me if the "top" 20% guys sleep with 80% of women. These guys are spreading their seed among numerous women, and these women are all trying to get with the highest quality men.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Truth. This is why trusting a d*** is dumb. They'll never be just satisfied with you, except for a short period of time. This is why dating is useless if you want a LTR- eventually the man's urges will come out and he'll resent you for it

 

Both you and the guy you are quoting are way off.

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