Hard to Cope

[UltimaWeapon]

Hi loveshack,

 

I am back on here again after a few months. I got out of a 3 month relationship end of February and I am still having trouble moving on from that situation. I thought i would be better equipped for something such as this (since since I got out of a 4.5 year relationship prior to that one end of 2010 after she left me for someone else) I have completely moved on from that relationship and have become a much better person for it. I did everything you could do to move on at that point in my life. Since that break up I have gained 40 pounds since I started hitting the gym and have completely went from skinny to a good overall build in 2 years. Point being is, I felt that once I eventually got into a new relationship if it came to it ending, I could handle it much better because I have went through it already. However for some reason, I am having a REALLY hard time getting over this girl since it ended in February and I really do not know what to do.

 

I think it has a lot to do with how it ended and the circumstances:

 

- She got out of a 3 year relationship prior to getting with me. was in the process of recently breaking up. Her ex is out of the picture and in a new country. However, there was a lot of baggage that came from that situation. I realize now I shouldn't have gotten involved so quickly with her after that.

 

- The main point is the fact that we are from the same country, speak same language, close in age. I am 22 she is 20. but the only problem that prevented us from being together (especially out in the open) was religion. She is Muslim, I am orthodox. Now the entire time we were together she told me her parents could never find out or they would kill her. So at the time because I liked her so much I agreed to keep it a secret as best as possible. She told me after 3 amazing months that she doesn't see a future for us because of that and that her parents would never accept me. I told her I would do anything to fight for her because I never felt like that for anyone (even my ex. of 4.5 years) I dono what it was but with her I instantly felt that connection I was looking for ever since I got out of my previous rel. and was single for 2 years till she came along. It was unreal how happy I was again, I truly felt like everything that happend to me in the past was worth it because I met her eventually. However, she did not want to fight for the relationship at all and told me that she still had feelings for her ex and that we could never be together ( I know this was very selfish on her part because why did she even get involved with me in the first place if she knew this would happen?!?!) I realized how messed up the situation was but I couldn't help how I felt. I wanted to keep her by my side any way possible because I felt she was the best thing I have ever found, that connection you can't find everyday. I was single for 2 years for that specific reason ( no girl was worth me getting into a rel. until she came along) I told her all of this but she said this is how it has to be, she wants to be alone, wants to be single and it literally killed me inside. I was finally happy again after everything I went through and it ended just like that...I felt like I was used and a rebound. I also felt that she never truly cared as much as I did for her probably because she did not want too..and she knew where it was heading all along before I even did.

 

 

I need advice..since the breakup shes told me many things..how she would be with me when she is ready..how her parents won't be an issue...but then a few months later wen she contacted me we got into an argument and she said it was impossible for us to ever be together and she wanted us to remain friends and to be civil around each other. I told her to not contact me anymore and that I could not do that- no matter what .. I could not forgive her or be her friend after being with her for 3 months intimately as well as the fact that I fell in love for her..

 

So i ask for advice on how to deal with this situation..and why I am still hurting 5 months later...I truly felt this girl was something special and i did not want to lose her but I could not fight for something if only one side is giving everything...any advice would be appreciated. I have kept NC as best as possible since the break up ..she has continued to contact me every few weeks..and even messaged me once saying she dreamt about me..I have tried to remain strong throughout this process but it has been hard since we are on the same soccer team still and I see her once a week at our games.

 

I truly am running out of options because I feel like I am going in a circle with my emotions. I have become a lot better since it ended, but 5 months on and she still has a big impact on my emotions. I am still feeling down because of it and I want it to stop. I felt it would be easier since i got out of something that at the time ( was much harder to get over)

 

** I have done everything you can do after a breakup-gym, go out with friends, etc, etc. It has helped but I thought she wouldn't have this much of an effect on me since it was only 3 months!

 

 

 

Thanks.

Edited July 29, 2013 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

does anyone have any advice? thanks