Bobomccoy Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 This is my first time ever posting anything like this. I am 28 and my wife is 27 and we have a 2 year old boy. Been married since sept 2011 and together for a year and a half before that. We love each other very much but I completely screwed up. I cheated on her last march. I met someone online and went to her house and wasn't there for more then 5 min because I knew I was wrong and didn't want to do it. A couple months later my wife found out that I was online looking and left. I demanded she come back and we work things out. I didn't tell her I actually met up. We worked things out and were great for a couple months. Then she found out that I did meet up. She was mad but didn't leave. We worked things out and were great. Then in may of this year we were having problems because she was working two jobs and I work long hours at night. So I ended up going back online looking and posted a craigslist ad. I posted it and deleted it all within 10 min because I knew it was wrong and regretted it. She found out by going through my email that I had posted and got very mad. She decided she was going to leave on July 13th. My emotions were a mess but we did have some good days and some bad ones. She moved everything out on the 13th and said if I would of fought for her she would of stayed but I feel she is so hard headed and I don't think that would of worked. She says she loves me and I asked her to come back a couple times. I know this is my fault and I have been going to counseling because of it. My problems are because of a bad childhood and being single and not having many friends for so many years and I have ended up with an internet addiction and turn to dating and adult sites for an escape from the real world. She says she has forgiven me but just can't get past what I did to her. I have changed completely and have no desire to go to those things even though I'm alone and don't have my family. She moved into her parents house with our son and her parents know everything I have done. We have done a few things together and went to one marriage counseling session together since she left. Last Saturday she told me that she wanted a divorce because she feels she just can't live that way again. She told me that she would file once she got a job and had the money and we agreed on a no fault divorce and would split things the way we wanted to. So she is being completely fair about this. She gets mad if I offer to pay for her to file or if I say I will go file. She tells me she loves me everyday that she loves me and that she hates the way things are. I want to fight for her but i feel she won't change her mind. I am just so lost and don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should file and get it over with or wait for her or just fight for her back. I know if she would come back I wouldn't go back to my ways. After loosing everything I realize how great of a life I had and how much I truly love her. Any advice on what I should do?
123pgjes Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Seriously, i think you will go back to your ways unless you seek help. She will think this too. Saying that you will change will not help, she will not believe you. I would give her what she wants, either file or seek counselling, or both. 1
Author Bobomccoy Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I have been going to counseling and fixing my problems. Not to be mean but didn't you read it all
123pgjes Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 apologies, apart from that, my opinion, for what it is worth, i think is correct.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 My problems are because of a bad childhood and being single and not having many friends for so many years and I have ended up with an internet addiction and turn to dating and adult sites for an escape from the real world. Since you feel these forces outside your relationship caused you to stray, how would your wife believe there's anything she could do within the marriage to keep it from happening again? The choices you've made have landed you right where you are. Unless you accept responsibility for that fact (your post doesn't seem to convey that), I'd be just as "hard headed" as she is... Mr. Lucky
imtooconfused Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 She gets mad if I offer to pay for her to file or if I say I will go file. She tells me she loves me everyday that she loves me and that she hates the way things are. I want to fight for her but i feel she won't change her mind. Simply looking at this from the outside, someone who says they want to "fight for her" wouldn't exactly offer to pay for a divorce. So I can see why she might be mad. I know if she would come back I wouldn't go back to my ways. But from the sound of your post, it seems like you are impatient for an answer so that if she is not coming back that you can go back to your old ways. This makes me think (1) your heart really isn't in it to fight for her and (2) you may be very susceptible to a relapse in that bad behavior if the relationship has problems in the future.
toxiclove Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Agreed, why would you say you will file if you love her? You remind me of my husband (maybe soon to be ex). We are separated and he lied to me for 6 years over so much stuff and did stuff to lose my trust. All I want for him is to own up to his crap and work on our marriage. Now I'm wondering if he possibly cheated on me because of things I found and all his lies. Are you sure you never did anything with those people you met up with? Seems really odd. I tell him I want a divorce, he tells me he loves me (blah blah) however, actions speak so much louder than words. I told him I was going to file and he says "ok" however he has said he doesn't "believe in divorce." He had the audacity to pawn my ring when we were really close to divorce. If you love your wife fight for her, although in my opinion she probably deserves someone that is willing to be committed 100% and treat her better.
Recommended Posts