hippetyhop Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I thought it would be longer. In my final email to him, I let him know if his circumstance ever changes (i.e. gets divorced..but I left the "i.e." part out) then let me know and I would consider revisiting the situation. He emailed me today asking what I meant by that statement. He said if I don't respond then he won't bother me again. I think that statement is pretty self explanatory. Ugh. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I thought it would be longer. In my final email to him, I let him know if his circumstance ever changes (i.e. gets divorced..but I left the "i.e." part out) then let me know and I would consider revisiting the situation. He emailed me today asking what I meant by that statement. He said if I don't respond then he won't bother me again. I think that statement is pretty self explanatory. Ugh. You are strong and amazing and your writing is very clear. Reaching out to you when he is not meeting your very clear requirements is to underestimate how strong and amazing you are. 1
affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Mine was "never contact me again I will never reply." "If your situation changes only then can you contact me again. What will be I. Life will be" He understands that all right. I think EA partners can read between the lines a lot more we give them credit for, and your statement was pretty obvious. How long has it been? I agree it's just am excuse to talk. Mine tweeted me once asking me about best place to get a new apple charger as he knew id bought loads when we were NC haha I kid you not.
Cocochai Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 So he did contact you huh? Stick to your gun! I hope their BIG GUNS too Well if yours broke the NC I better prepare myself as well.
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Hippetyhop, No NO NO No NO!!!! You are doing SO great. Do not respond. Delete! Ugh what a douche! That statement is very clear. He is definitely fishing and how conveniently so, now that's he is back from his lovely family vacation! Please don't respond! Everytime you want to, come here and respond. Type a post, or message us or anything. How are you doing now? How did the contact make you feel? I really really hope his selfishness and lack of respect did not throw you back at day 1. Be strong girl!!
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you for your kind words and support XOXO It is tough. Silent treatment time?@ It has been 2 weeks to the day! Am I lonely, sad, etc.? I am. However, I'm making myself better with it. I have an easier time to move on. I think he is lonely, sad, etc. but the big difference is he having to do it with his wife and family around. I have my LS family Yes--it is convenient he contacted me after family vacation. That was 2 weeks. I thought he'd be over me ending it by now. Right now, I'm ehh. LOL! I'm kind of stuck between "really" and "you know exactly what I meant." I really thought I was clear and concise. I told him in the initial email that he can't give me what I need and I'm off to get it elsewhere. He should have gotten the hint from there. I actually thought he was sincere in not contacting me. From some of the responses, I guess they really go to extreme lengths to contact, huh?
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Perhaps he's just so dense and now he needs the "contact me when you are divorced" statement.
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Not your problem. Don't do it!! Don't respond. It's exactly what he wants, to prove that you can't resist responding.
findingnemo Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I thought it would be longer. In my final email to him, I let him know if his circumstance ever changes (i.e. gets divorced..but I left the "i.e." part out) then let me know and I would consider revisiting the situation. He emailed me today asking what I meant by that statement. He said if I don't respond then he won't bother me again. I think that statement is pretty self explanatory. Ugh. DO NOT RESPOND!!! He is acting dense just so he can get a way back in.
zevahc Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Your message was extremely clear. He is fishing. It's tough..., but you'll be better off for sticking to your guns. I'm trying to send the same type of message. That "if you should ever find yourself single, then we can talk...until then....I can't". So I get it.. xMW strolled into my office this morning unexpected...took me off guard as she came through the door because she doesn't do that anymore. She was checking to see how I'm dealing with my daughter...man...still very hard to see her.
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) I am a very stubborn person, and he knows that. I said it and I meant it. I think he may be realizing how it would be without me. It is his loss. However, that won't change my standards. It infuriates me how he is acting so dense. I tried to be nice and let him down gently. Guess that didn't work. I wrote what I want to respond with, but I'm not going to send it. Here it is: "What I meant by “down the road if your circumstances change….” is I would revisit what we had if your marriage didn’t pan out. You made it clear to me that going into what we did that you wouldn’t leave your kids. I knew that. I accept that. However, as our relationship grew, my feelings for you did as well (as I’m assuming yours did too). But, knowing that it wouldn’t go any further from what we had, I couldn’t keep myself going. You showed what I am missing out on being with someone, making someone laugh, and being intimate with that person. You told me never to just settle. That is what I was doing knowing we wouldn’t be more. I deserve not to be second to someone else." I figured with all valid points, he can't argue with any of it. He knows I am not part of it unless he divorces, which we know that doesn't happen. Edited July 29, 2013 by hippetyhop 1
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Great job for getting your feelings written down and then NOT sending! Do not send it. Keep posting here if it helps instead.
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you If I did send it, what can he possibly respond back with? Everything I said is a reiteration of what he said as to why he can’t leave her. He has no valid arguments. I don't think he thought I was serious about ending it.
zevahc Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you If I did send it, what can he possibly respond back with? Everything I said is a reiteration of what he said as to why he can’t leave her. He has no valid arguments. I don't think he thought I was serious about ending it. I haven't gone back to read your full story...but have you had some back and forths already toying with NC? If so, perhaps he doesn't take you serious. I know my situation she probably doesn't have strong reason yet to believe I can stick to my guns. I would say don't send him a thing back. What you've already said was/is extremely clear. He knows the terms. Stick by it unless there were some overwhelming reason to break contact (and I can't really think of but maybe 1-2 good reasons). My 2 cents...I'm hoping I can achieve this soon myself...to truly say.. "When and if you find yourself single, maybe we can talk....until then, it is disrespectful to everyone involved and there is no point".
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I haven't gone back to read your full story...but have you had some back and forths already toying with NC? If so, perhaps he doesn't take you serious. I know my situation she probably doesn't have strong reason yet to believe I can stick to my guns. I would say don't send him a thing back. What you've already said was/is extremely clear. He knows the terms. Stick by it unless there were some overwhelming reason to break contact (and I can't really think of but maybe 1-2 good reasons). My 2 cents...I'm hoping I can achieve this soon myself...to truly say.. "When and if you find yourself single, maybe we can talk....until then, it is disrespectful to everyone involved and there is no point". There really hasn’t been any toying with NC per se. I set it due to his wife becoming suspicious and us going LC. I just couldn’t handle it from there anymore. NC began 2 weeks from yesterday. Right after I sent him an email letting him know I am ending the A, he replied back within fifteen minutes to let me know that he is okay with it, I do deserve someone else, and “He’ll see me at the finish line.” (We are runners). I didn’t respond from that. I really thought he was done. Last week he was on vacation and the week before that, I knew he was getting ready for vacation so he was likely pre-occupied. Now it is back to the everyday grind and I’m not there to entertain him. I let him know in my email to him ending it that this is the time for him to focus on his marriage and children. That is a very good way to coin it. I didn't want to sugar coat it, but I guess he didn't understand.
Lady2163 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I thought it would be longer. In my final email to him, I let him know if his circumstance ever changes (i.e. gets divorced..but I left the "i.e." part out) then let me know and I would consider revisiting the situation. He emailed me today asking what I meant by that statement. He said if I don't respond then he won't bother me again. I think that statement is pretty self explanatory. Ugh. Grrr...I had an ex boyfriend once,when I told him I had no desire to talk or email again, would purposely send emails that I just *had* to respond to. He just kept the negativity going. I think it was a challenge to see if he could get me to respond. Hell, I know it was the thrill of the competition. Example: (fictional, to illustrate point) Him: I know I owe you money. We agreed I would pay you by the 15th of the month. Me: No, we agreed you would pay me by the 5th of the month Him: yeah, sorry typo. I'll be there by the 15th. There was more to the emails than just two sentences. You get the idea. Anyway, question for you...if you were to send an email, why is it so hard for you to just be direct? You expressed your feelings well, but why not add on to that, "I do not want contact in any way or form, as long as youre married. Please do not contact me at all until your divorce is final and you are truly able to treat me the way I deserve." I just wondered. I know you're not sending the email, but if you do, I'd encourage you to be more direct.
Cocochai Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) I haven't gone back to read your full story...but have you had some back and forths already toying with NC? If so, perhaps he doesn't take you serious. I know my situation she probably doesn't have strong reason yet to believe I can stick to my guns. I would say don't send him a thing back. What you've already said was/is extremely clear. He knows the terms. Stick by it unless there were some overwhelming reason to break contact (and I can't really think of but maybe 1-2 good reasons). My 2 cents...I'm hoping I can achieve this soon myself...to truly say.. "When and if you find yourself single, maybe we can talk....until then, it is disrespectful to everyone involved and there is no point". No that was my thread (toying w/ emotions). Mines actually caught feelings until he got caught. Edited July 29, 2013 by Cocochai
Author hippetyhop Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Grrr...I had an ex boyfriend once,when I told him I had no desire to talk or email again, would purposely send emails that I just *had* to respond to. He just kept the negativity going. I think it was a challenge to see if he could get me to respond. Hell, I know it was the thrill of the competition. Example: (fictional, to illustrate point) Him: I know I owe you money. We agreed I would pay you by the 15th of the month. Me: No, we agreed you would pay me by the 5th of the month Him: yeah, sorry typo. I'll be there by the 15th. There was more to the emails than just two sentences. You get the idea. Anyway, question for you...if you were to send an email, why is it so hard for you to just be direct? You expressed your feelings well, but why not add on to that, "I do not want contact in any way or form, as long as youre married. Please do not contact me at all until your divorce is final and you are truly able to treat me the way I deserve." I just wondered. I know you're not sending the email, but if you do, I'd encourage you to be more direct. I ended a friendship with my best friend and that was her trying to contact me. Before I knew it, I told her forget it. I can very much relate. The only thing of mine he has is my movie. I have his running sock (just one..not both!). He can have my movie, and I'll mail him his sock if need be. I'm toying with sending the email. If I do, it would be what I posted (2nd post on this page). Something of that nature where I'm using his own words of wisdom on me back at him. He can't argue with that, can he? Plus, listed in the 3rd paragraph where I described items I told him he showed me I missed out on, he would tell me these are things he misses in his marriage (which he can get back if he tried). I think he is wondering if "change of circumstances" is him continuing the A, but not going LC. That is definitely not what I'm looking for. Edited July 29, 2013 by hippetyhop
Lady2163 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I ended a friendship with my best friend and that was her trying to contact me. Before I knew it, I told her forget it. I can very much relate. The only thing of mine he has is my movie. I have his running sock (just one..not both!). He can have my movie, and I'll mail him his sock if need be. I'm toying with sending the email. If I do, it would be what I posted (2nd post on this page). Something of that nature where I'm using his own words of wisdom on me back at him. He can't argue with that, can he? Plus, listed in the 3rd paragraph where I described items I told him he showed me I missed out on, he would tell me these are things he misses in his marriage (which he can get back if he tried). I think he is wondering if "change of circumstances" is him continuing the A, but not going LC. That is definitely not what I'm looking for. Possibly I'm not making myself clear. While I like your composed email, I do think you should make yourself clear and leave no loopholes. ...if your marriage doesn't pan out... He's probably thinking it really hasnt panned out as it is now... Change of circumstance... He could try to slide through that as well. I just think you should leave NO question in his mind that the only way you want him is totally divorced and ready to have a committed, open, public relationship with you. 1
Author hippetyhop Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Possibly I'm not making myself clear. While I like your composed email, I do think you should make yourself clear and leave no loopholes. ...if your marriage doesn't pan out... He's probably thinking it really hasnt panned out as it is now... Change of circumstance... He could try to slide through that as well. I just think you should leave NO question in his mind that the only way you want him is totally divorced and ready to have a committed, open, public relationship with you. Maybe I will change the "panned out" part. I can where the possible loophole is. For some reason, I feel bad writing to him "call me when you are divorced" but it is likely the only way :/
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