defs Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I dated this girl for a few months and I can confidently say that I loved her.. but for the whole relationship I had tried to be such a good boyfriend and hold in the anger that I had piled up during it and one day I just snapped and broke it off. It's been almost a month now and I am honestly regretting it so much, I have evaluated everything; myself, the relationship, and her. I have once talked to her during the month that we had broken up and she made it clear to me that she doesn't really want to carry on dating me because she had felt that I had given up on her but she wasn't too sure. I respected that decision and I haven't been in contact ever since. My question is, I am regretting it with my life.. is there ANY hope of somehow winning my ex back? To show her the guy that once loved her? I have slowly but surely started moving on but she is always lingering on the back of my mind and I feel like if there is something I can do I should do it otherwise I will regret it for the rest of my life. Thanks for any opinions/help!
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Why were you holding in your anger throughout the relationship?
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Why were you holding in your anger throughout the relationship? that's just the way I am.. I have grown up being taught to be nice to everyone and I suppose this affected me to just pile up anger (like believe it or not I do not get mad at anyone unless they directly insult my family etc) but I suppose because this girl became someone that I could trust, rely on and share my emotional thoughts to I felt it was okay to finally show some anger however I dealt with it wrong I suppose
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 If that's just the way you are, how would you suppose those issues will not resurface again, with her or in your next relationship? Have you thought of working on why you feel the way you do because I have to say that issues like that don't just go away because you regret it. It's always easy to take it out on the ones we love the most but reacting the way you do, having to force yourself to suppress anger, and then releasing it in a manner that's destructive, it doesn't bode well whether she gets back with you or not. You will probably self-destruct again. Maybe time to dig deeper? I'm not sure if you can win her back if she's telling you she isn't ready. I have to say that she knows you want her back and when/if she is ready, she will have to be the one to make that move. For now, work on yourself. Seek a counselor if it will help you with your anger and how to cope/manage it.
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 If that's just the way you are, how would you suppose those issues will not resurface again, with her or in your next relationship? Have you thought of working on why you feel the way you do because I have to say that issues like that don't just go away because you regret it. It's always easy to take it out on the ones we love the most but reacting the way you do, having to force yourself to suppress anger, and then releasing it in a manner that's destructive, it doesn't bode well whether she gets back with you or not. You will probably self-destruct again. Maybe time to dig deeper? I'm not sure if you can win her back if she's telling you she isn't ready. I have to say that she knows you want her back and when/if she is ready, she will have to be the one to make that move. For now, work on yourself. Seek a counselor if it will help you with your anger and how to cope/manage it. The anger isn't something that has ruined my life or anything.. I go to the gym to workout and I can honestly say that anger is all gone after a good heavy workout! However it was just during the relationship. I suppose I feel that what I have learnt is to be more honest with myself and in future relationships. That's where I feel like I could change, if something bothers me I can be honest about it instead of suppressing my anger.
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 The anger isn't something that has ruined my life or anything.. I go to the gym to workout and I can honestly say that anger is all gone after a good heavy workout! However it was just during the relationship. I suppose I feel that what I have learnt is to be more honest with myself and in future relationships. That's where I feel like I could change, if something bothers me I can be honest about it instead of suppressing my anger. Something doesn't sound right. This is the first time I've heard of having a good workout to relieve anger. I've always done it to relieve stress that can possibly trigger some level of mild irritation. Anger, not sure. There was something about the relationship or your ex that was triggering your bad emotions. Or it could be something deeper. Plus, it may help you to learn coping skills to manage your emotions if all you know is to suppress. Time for change, if you choose to work on it.
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Be yourself, Communicate, Quit being a "Nice" Guy and putting other people's needs / happiness above your own, Have boundaries, Hold yourself and everyone else accountable to those boundaries. Anger Gone and Problem Solved! Haha I will try! Something doesn't sound right. This is the first time I've heard of having a good workout to relieve anger. I've always done it to relieve stress that can possibly trigger some level of mild irritation. Anger, not sure. There was something about the relationship or your ex that was triggering your bad emotions. Or it could be something deeper. Plus, it may help you to learn coping skills to manage your emotions if all you know is to suppress. Time for change, if you choose to work on it. The thing about the anger issue during the relationship is, I wasn't too understanding. I thought that I was being so good to her so why isn't she being the same to me? Which was obviously the wrong mindset that I think about it now. This is what I have learnt to accept. If I were to go into this relationship again obviously there are other things to change but I think this should be one of them. I appreciate you guys worrying about my personality and suppression of anger but is there no way of getting her back?
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 She knows you want to get back, and if she stated she isn't sure, when she is and if she wants to, she will contact you. She hasn't so that is your answer. If you still want another chance, you can propose it to her again. You both didn't really end badly and if you believe you can make it work, I don't see what you have to lose by giving it one last go.
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 She knows you want to get back, and if she stated she isn't sure, when she is and if she wants to, she will contact you. She hasn't so that is your answer. If you still want another chance, you can propose it to her again. You both didn't really end badly and if you believe you can make it work, I don't see what you have to lose by giving it one last go. What would be a good way to go about doing that though? Letter, text or in person (assuming she would agree to meet up)? I really don't want to get on my knees and beg because I feel this would make her feel sorry for me rather than want to actually go out with for me.
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 What would be a good way to go about doing that though? Letter, text or in person (assuming she would agree to meet up)? I really don't want to get on my knees and beg because I feel this would make her feel sorry for me rather than want to actually go out with for me. Don't beg! No, please don't do that. You can call her and tell her why you believe the relationship deserves a second chance.
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Don't beg! No, please don't do that. You can call her and tell her why you believe the relationship deserves a second chance. What if she doesn't pick up? Would a hand-written letter be okay?
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 What if she doesn't pick up? Would a hand-written letter be okay? You can call and leave a message that you need to talk to her about how you feel. If she is interested, she will call back. Or letter, yes, that will work.
Author defs Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 You can call and leave a message that you need to talk to her about how you feel. If she is interested, she will call back. Or letter, yes, that will work. Okay thanks for the help! I will go clean up what I want to say
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Okay thanks for the help! I will go clean up what I want to say Good luck to you. I hope everything works out for both of you. Let us know how you're doing. And no begging! 1
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