Need tips on moving on

[unbeknown]

Made a few threads about various issues of this relationship so promise this will be my last will try to sum this up as short as possibly.

 

Been dating this girl for 4 months (met online).

Kissed on first date.

Been on around 15-20 dates now over the course of 4 months.

We do live about 40mins away from eachother (might be an issue for her)

Having sex.

Staying over her house.

Met all her friends.

She's cooked me food numerous times.

She holds my hand when walking.

When we wake in the morning she's instantly cuddling up to me.

Doesn't want me to leave in the mornings.

 

We genuinely have so much fun together and we have so much in common it's unreal. I noticed she was still using pof when I went to delete mine so brought it up with her and she said she didn't really use it and would delete it and she did. She did mention she didn't really want a relationship though and just wanted to see how things panned out with us taking it slowly. I was cool with this.

 

After a few dates she invited me around to stay again before she went on holiday. The weather was really hot at the time and her room has no window so I say to her I'll bring clean clothes in my bag and will decide to stay based on how hot her room is and how late we stay out having drinks. She texts me back saying "I can't believe you're basing your reasoning on practicality rather than the fact you want to see me before I go away" so she obviously cares. She told me that it upset her.

 

Anyway, she then brings up a talk herself about asking where we stand and saying she doesn't feel any romanticness from my side (why would there be over the top romanticness from me when she told me she doesn't want a boyfriend, Not that I stopped doing anything that I should have been doing to show her that I care because I did everything. I don't know what more she wanted). I left in the morning and we kissed goodbye on the grounds we'd meet up when she was home.

 

Since coming back from holiday she has been really distant. Only texts me once a day taking 9+ hours to reply sometimes. She has added 25 guys on facebook who she met on holiday. I've convinced myself she has slept with loads of people out there. This is killing me. I hate myself for being such a bitch about it all insecure.

 

She caled me earlier and she had a cough so there goes my mind again thinking oh she's got that from kissing loads of men out there. I invited her to a music festival I have free tickets to with loads of bands she likes playing and she said she'd like to come BUT has to wait for her tutor to email her about a meeting. I just believe she can't be straight with me and has to make up this excuse.

 

She's currently at her parents and when I asked her for how long she said she didn't know with no hint at asking to meet up like she normally does. I just want closure and I'm feeling really depressed about it all and can't stop thinking about all the things we've done together. What annoys me the most is I have invested all this time and effort in to her for nothing. It seems like such a waste because I thought everything was going great. I get free gig tickets through my job and only like giving them to people I know want to hang out with me for me and not for the freebies and just when it gets to the stage where I can invite her along she starts to cool things off.

 

I wish she had the decency to tell me straight instead of stringing me along. I haven't been sleeping lately, feel sick all the time, heads a bit all over the place, just feel depressed all the time. I hate how much I invested in her and I hate how pathetic I sound for it only being 4 months together.

 

How can I get over her? I feel the only way I can meet women is online. I liek to think I'm averagely good looking and get 97% reply rate online so I can interest them but I wouldn't know where to begin meeting girls in real life. I'm currently signed back on the dating site to help me get my mind off her but I can't stop thinking about her and none of the girls even compare to her. Is it just a case of forcing myself out there to meet new people? I need closure as I want to delete her of facebook and her number.

 

Thanks for any advice (however harsh it might be, I need it) and sorry for the wall of text to anyone who is bothered enough to read

[happywithlife]

Sounds like its time to call her up, ask her to meet you somewhere for coffee, and have talk about where you stand. The key is not to come off as clingy, desperate, or accusatory. Simply state that you have noticed she has been distant, you really like her, and you need to know how she feels about your relationship. Stop making up stories in your head and take action.

[Tk123]

First thing to do is get off the dating sites.

 

After that, find a hobby you like to do in real life and get involved! There are plenty of groups out there and activities... If you have a job, get together with your coworkers and go out for a bit with them.

 

Believe me, I've done the online thing for a long time and it just doesn't ever work out. I made the switch to meeting people for the first time in person and you won't believe how much different it is (in a good way). Get off your computer and get out there, confidence is key!

[Menina]

I've never been on dating sites but something that really helped me get over my ex was going out with friends, and if my friends were not available to go out I met travellers in couchsurfers that needed host or someone to hang out with. Also I'm a member of various NGOs which helps because theres always something to do. DELETE her from FB or the phone it will help during those drunken nights where you just want to contact her, if you have a close friend when you feel the surge to call her just contact your friend. Don't be afraid to go out on your own, I'm a woman so it's usually harder for us to go alone to parties/bars, but I still do it, and I've met wonderful people by hanging out on my own.

[unbeknown]

Thanks all. I know what you all mean about online dating not working out. Before this girl I had dated 10+ different people and only went on 1 date with them all. That's why when this one went to 4 months I really thought there was something there. I've never dated anyone for this long before.

 

And the way she acted in the mornings there was no doubt in my eyes that she was in to me. We'd planned to do loads of stuff together in the coming months too. Mainly her ideas. I think thats why this hurts so much. I've never really had a proper girlfriend before (I'm 23) and I really thought she was going to be the one and it's confusing the hell out of me.

 

Thing is I have loads of hobbies. I got to the gym 5 days a week, Play tennis with friends, I go mountain biking 2-3 times a week. I just feel really lonely at the moment as I only have 2-3 good friends here who I can phone up. Most live away and we only communicate through facebook and that doesn't feel real to me.

 

Why must relationships be so hard. I'm finding it diffucult to see past her and I can't see myself being with anyone as nice as her again. And the funny thing is at the very start I wasn't fussed about her. There are a lot nicer looking woman around here but she had this cuteness about her that I loved. Her personality ws amazing and we just clicked like I've never clicked with anyone before.

 

I just want to get her out of my life now if she doesn't want to be with me. It's not good for my health. Why can't she just be straight up

[RebelWithoutACause]

The concern whether she's slept with 20 guys on her holiday or not, is secondary to the fact that she doesn't really want to be with you anymore, which is evidenced by her not responding promptly, not making plans to see you, etc. Who knows why this is, probably you've been too "cold" or not romantic enough, or whatever. The point is you are not compatible. This is the best way to move on from someone, accepting you are not compatible in some way, whether emotionally or physically, or religiously, or financially...