fanine Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Once they are caught, they're so off guard they panic and its every man for him or herself. My MM doesnt seem to care that his wife apparently knows. I dont understand what she thinks tbh. He stays away from home at least a couple of nights a week...I wouldn't put up with that....he is quite reckless....he has had affairs before and she knew, he had a kid with one....but she still takes him back.... 1
HopingAgain Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 My MM doesnt seem to care that his wife apparently knows. I dont understand what she thinks tbh. He stays away from home at least a couple of nights a week...I wouldn't put up with that....he is quite reckless....he has had affairs before and she knew, he had a kid with one....but she still takes him back.... If it ever comes down to her confronting him and he isn't able to lie his way out of it" I would notb be surprised if he threw you under the bus at that point. Its one thing if they're able to control the situation with lies, but once they are on the losing end of a confrontation they tend to sing like a canary.
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 ...note the title of this thread. D Day FINALLY happened. So this is a dangerous triangle game that has clearly been ongoing. unfortunately this is true. she's called me before after seeing some texts from me in his phone and about a month ago she was texting me from a fake number trying to get me to admit that him and I were together.
bentleychic Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I occasionally repeat dial. I swear I'm not a heroin addict or crazy (much :-p ). There's normally a good reason for it (something that I need to know ASAP like if he wants me to bring him lunch on my way home when I pass his work or something).
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 This thread could have been so different, had her BF or you, told her the truth when she was asking for it. Why do you think you didn't tell her? the first time she called me I told her that we were just friends, I have no idea why. I think because I thought it was his responsibility to tell her anything? I really dont know :/ When she was texting me from the fake number I specifically called him and told him what was going on and that I thought it was fishy ; that I thought it was her. The person specifically asked if I was dating R**** and I asked him what he wanted me to say. He was like "tell them yes! you're my girl, blah blah blah". I specifically said again that I thought it was her but he still wanted me to say yes. That night I stayed with him and got a text from the number around 1 a.m. that said something like "what if a little birdie told his real girlfriend? would you like it so you can finally have him? or would it backfire and would he finally end things with you and stay with him girlfriend?" I showed him the text and he didn't really seem bothered or worried about it. So I answered back and said "the little birdie can do whatever it wants." That was about a month ago :/ Another instance of him being a spineless coward and trying to get caught so he wouldn't have to end things? I don't know.
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Oh and also, there was an incident a while back where I accidentally (seriously, it was accidental) left my jeans on his floor. I texted him and told him right away. Apparently he didn't find any urgency in getting rid of them because she found them. Like wtf. And then a while after that one of my earrings fell of and was on the floor of his living room which she also found. So. Yeah.
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Wow. I am starting to think you both like the drama llama. This is not a normal relationship. You are not his girlfriend. And he doesn't sound like he respects you all that much. I think you have gotten used to this drama triangle and are bound to see it to the end. I am seriously confused as to what seemingly normal, attractive women see in such losers. I can only assume it is the rush of the affair and the drama. So if you end up with him do you think he is a worthy prize? I do not like the drama. I hate it. I am pathetic and weak and love him to pieces (for whatever ****ing reason) so I stay. I am very aware I'm not his girlfriend, thanks. I'm also aware that he doesn't respect me. After what happened to other day I am done with him and this awful situation. I'm just trying to piece all of this **** together.
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I hope one day you are able to look back at your posts and say "Wow... I can't believe that was me... And I can't believe I put myself in that situation..." I'm doing that now, and I want nothing to do with him anymore. That's the point I'm trying to make here. When I say that I love him, I mean it. BUT I also mean it when I say that I take full responsibility for my action, and that I realize what I have done and my part in all of this. Slowly but surely I have been seeing through him to who he really is, and the other day is absolutely a wake up call and a slap in the face. Sometimes you need some crazy bad **** to happen to wake you the hell up. I'm young and I made a mistake, a huge one. But I can look at this situation as a whole, learn from it, and move on and do better. When you know better you do better. 2
Cocochai Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Shouldn't that read: you didn't walk away? You most certainly could/should have, but you didn't. That's on you. It's not easy to always walk away... It takes a strong person to walk away.. Especially after being intimate. When females become intimate with a man we release oxytocin hormones that brings females closer to the man. Once females develop that, it's hard to break away... It's also released during pregnancy to keep mother and baby bonded after birth. It's also was prob designed to keep families together.... Hello BS that's knows their cheating. Well guess what, the guys girlfriend also has that bond with the guy which is why she reacted. That's why they say its best to get to know a guy months before you become intimate to see his true signs of red flags... Much easier to get rid of him
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 ...sooooo, how do you "love" someone who doesn't respect you? *shrugs* perhaps I need some serious psychoanalysis to figure that one out.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 person specifically asked if I was dating R**** and I asked him what he wanted me to say. He was like "tell them yes! you're my girl, blah blah blah". I specifically said again that I thought it was her but he still wanted me to say yes. That night I stayed with him and got a text from the number around 1 a.m. that said something like "what if a little birdie told his real girlfriend? would you like it so you can finally have him? or would it backfire and would he finally end things with you and stay with him girlfriend?" I showed him the text and he didn't really seem bothered or worried about it. So I answered back and said "the little birdie can do whatever it wants." That was about a month ago :/ Another instance of him being a spineless coward and trying to get caught so he wouldn't have to end things? I don't know. Yes..he is something...that's for sure. Just my opinion, not based on much, but sounds like he enjoys having (at least) two girlfriends. Likes the drama, probably accidentally (on purpose) left clues to provoke a confrontation. Minimally, he's conflict avoidant (not breaking up with gf1); more likely he was ILYing her too, keeping her on the hook. A the other end, enjoying the fighting over him. It will be hard, but you will be so much better for getting out of this sick relationship. You deserve someone who wants only you.
HopingAgain Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 After reading your last post, I see why she went ballistic on both of you. She's suspected you for months and you and he played mind games with her. I hope you are serious about leaving him alone now. I have a feeling she will make your life a living hell if you don't. 4
BrokenPrincess Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Oh and also, there was an incident a while back where I accidentally (seriously, it was accidental) left my jeans on his floor. Whaaaat? Did you go home in panties & not realize it? 1
Author brittanyanderson Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Whaaaat? Did you go home in panties & not realize it? brought a pair of sweats over to sleep in.
threelaurels Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I occasionally repeat dial. I swear I'm not a heroin addict or crazy (much :-p ). There's normally a good reason for it (something that I need to know ASAP like if he wants me to bring him lunch on my way home when I pass his work or something). My best friend used to repeat-dial me a lot. It would drive me crazy during those times when I just couldn't answer because I was tied up. Thankfully, she's also gotten a lot better about it over the years. I think repeat-dialing can be a sign of either impatience or crazy/obsessive behavior. Depends on the situation. I have also been known to repeat-dial my mom when I need to tell her or ask her something important. When I finally get to talk to her, I usually preface it by telling her, "How could you not answer the phone? I could be dying!" I think I fully deserve to have kids who are just as obnoxious as me I'm wondering if he did it on purpose. He told me that she was coming over to get some of her stuff...but that he "forgot". Yeah right! Was he looking to get caught so he wouldn't have to man up and break it off himself? Or was he just looking for the drama of it all? Or did he really "forget"? What do you guys think? I don't know what his reason was, but, for whatever reason, he really just wants her to break up with him rather than doing it himself. Evidence for this is that statement he made where he admitted it and him wanting you tell her when she was texting you. I'm guessing it's pure cowardice. He may also have some kind of desire for drama. Maybe he thinks the two of you will fight over him and give him an ego boost. Who knows? I can say that in all the times I've had a key to a SO's place that I never showed up unannounced and out of the blue. At the very least, I would have sent a text or called if I needed to swing by on short notice. I've never had that kind of situation happen though. I'm doing that now, and I want nothing to do with him anymore. That's the point I'm trying to make here. When I say that I love him, I mean it. BUT I also mean it when I say that I take full responsibility for my action, and that I realize what I have done and my part in all of this. Slowly but surely I have been seeing through him to who he really is, and the other day is absolutely a wake up call and a slap in the face. Sometimes you need some crazy bad **** to happen to wake you the hell up. I'm young and I made a mistake, a huge one. But I can look at this situation as a whole, learn from it, and move on and do better. When you know better you do better. I think this is a very mature way of looking at the situation. You may not be able to control your feelings for him, but you can choose not to tolerate his disrespectful behavior. You're young, and there are plenty of other (single) guys out there who would be willing to treat you with the respect you deserve. 1
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I completely understand what you're saying, and its a totally valid argument. Yes, of course I'm afraid he might do the same thing to me. I think after actually seeing this all go down, and having her screaming and crying right in front of me, it made it all real. I think I'm done with it. Then be done with it. He led you to believe that he was single. Ass.hole! Then you found out he had a girlfriend, yet you chose to stick around anyway. Not a good decision.. He had plenty of opportunities to end it with her, he didn't. Seems he is just selfish and wanted you both for as long as he could. His gf found out in an awful painful way. To catch the person you love more or less IN bed with someone else is devastating. No wonder she reacted the way she did. Rightfully so. He isn't yours, he never was. He's a real schmuck, but I'm not sure you see that because you love him and your emotions are clouding what you should do. Take a step back. Do NOT call him, avoid him at all costs and allow yourself to figure stuff out on your own. Talk to a trusted friend about this.. Or a family member. You need this time and space to figure out what YOU want. To be his OW once the dust settles? Or do you want him for yourself? Do you fight for him or let him go. All things you need to think about with more of an open mind and not rose coloured glasses.
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