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D Day Finally Happened :/

brittanyanderson

By brittanyanderson
in The Other Man / Woman

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Mine has been just shy of a year (in a few weeks) and I agree completely. I could not go cold turkey NC and wouldn't be able to end it without telling him. I was just suggesting while she tries to think about what she wants to do, it might be best to withdraw for a few days so she can have peace and clarity without his influence while trying to decide how to proceed from here on out. :)

 

great advice from both of you. thanks.

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canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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Did he tell you to get out?

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Did he tell you to get out?

 

no. just held her back and told her to calm down.

canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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I wasn't sure if the gf told her to get out or if the ap did.

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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I wasn't sure if the gf told her to get out or if the ap did.

 

it was the girlfriend who was yelling the profanities at me. sorry if I was unclear.

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canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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Do they live together?

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Do they live together?

 

No, she has her own apartment but apparently has keys to his house.

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Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

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Yup, I would file a police report.

 

But I figured telling the OP to do that would be met with protests. So, my suggestion was to TELL boyfriend she was going to file. Not necessarily file.

I think the OP doesn't realize this guy will sell her up the river to keep the fiancée and save his own skin.

 

I don't know where you live, but in my part of the world, they would take it seriously. It's the reason why stalking could start. It begins a documentation process. She thwarted a physical attack. What would have happened if bf was in the bathroom?

 

Restraining orders have been given for less.

 

Oh - I'd also change my phone number.

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Wow. Did you know she has keys? You see them on Facebook looking happy. Do you think he's blowing smoke about wanting to break up with her, or is he having his cake and eating it, too?

 

I believe him that he's unhappy in the relationship with her. But, I also strongly believe he isn't making an effort to leave her because at the end of the day, he is having his cake and eating it too and loving it. :sick:

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Yup, I would file a police report.

 

But I figured telling the OP to do that would be met with protests. So, my suggestion was to TELL boyfriend she was going to file. Not necessarily file.

I think the OP doesn't realize this guy will sell her up the river to keep the fiancée and save his own skin.

 

I don't know where you live, but in my part of the world, they would take it seriously. It's the reason why stalking could start. It begins a documentation process. She thwarted a physical attack. What would have happened if bf was in the bathroom?

 

Restraining orders have been given for less.

 

Oh - I'd also change my phone number.

 

I know that I should be totally alert and worried about this girl...but I don't feel like my safety is in jeopardy so much that I need to file a restraining order against her.

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Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

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I know that I should be totally alert and worried about this girl...but I don't feel like my safety is in jeopardy so much that I need to file a restraining order against her.

 

I can respect that. Are you sure your boyfriend is willing to put you first, though?

 

One person could hurt you physically.

One could hurt your heart.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I found out about three months in. Couldn't walk away :mad:

Of course you COULD walk away.

 

You *chose* not to walk away. Just start living up to and 'fessing to this terminology and it will make "doing the right thing" easier in the long run.

 

There is often an adage that if they will cheat WITH you they will cheat ON you = do you want that for yourself?

 

i.e., Do you really want a guy that will treat another human being so poorly and won't he ultimately treat you the same way!?!?

BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

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Really? Blowing smoke, indeed. Here he had the perfect opportunity to end things, yet didn't. Then calls the OP, with apologies. Men like this are the lowest of the bottom feeders. He's not married, not even engaged, yet can't breakup with one girl to be with another. He is nothing more than a player. My hope (which sounds unlikely) would be that both of these women dump this guy. Why in the world would you want to continue on with a guy who (by his very actions) has told you you're not enough to be with exclusively.

 

AND, no kids, no mortgage, not even an apartment lease together! OP, this is your chance to cut yourself free. You're young, don't waste anymore time with this player!

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Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

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She was screaming and punching him repeatedly. She then turns back to me and lunges at me. I grab her wrist tightly before she can hit me and say "No, you don't touch me!" He grabs her and pins her in the corner. "Get the **** out of here you stupid bitch! You slut!" I stayed completely calm and silent while gathering my things, all while she's screaming and yelling at me to get out. As I walked out of the house she yelled "Did you know he had a girlfriend? You stupid slut. You cunt."

 

After I left she somehow got my number and called me, I didn't answer. She she texted me and said to "stay the **** away from my boyfriend you ****ing slut. I hope you hear me loud and clear you stupid bitch."

. :(

 

Youre right, not sure where I got fiancée, blame it on the bifocals.

 

I believe girlfriend already committed assault on them both if you want to get technical.

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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I wonder why she showed up. As in: did she know what she was going to find? Did she usually use the side door, or was she trying to creep in? OP, do you park your car in front of his house...? Sorry if I am prying.

 

I think she showed up because she was calling him all morning and he never answered. I don't park right in front of his house, there's always cars parked on his street. I've stayed the night with him many times over the past year, and actually stayed with him three nights in a row when this happened.

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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[/b]

 

Surely could have been a whole lot worse, and the lesson here is; don't f other people's boyfriends, in their house, where the girlfriend has a key and can show up unannounced. Consequences... She should adapt your 60 mile rule if she plans on being a serial cheater.

 

I am completely open to everyone's advice and criticism on the situation, but you're being a little harsh/rude.

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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That must have tipped her off, plus not taking her calls in the morning.

 

Maybe he is unhappy yet non-confrontational and would think any woman in her right would leave someone they catch cheating red handed.

 

Maybe this lady is not in her right mind.

 

she's not. i was gonna leave this part out but she's a heroin user..:sick:

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Oh honey leave him. He began his relationship lying to you. He didn't respect you enough to tell you upfront he was ****ing someone else too. Run don't waste previous years of your life with a man without enough backbone to even break up with a girlfriend. Please don't do this to yourself. It will lead to nothing but pain. He is making you his second choice. He should have broken up with her that evening. Don't be the back up plan. Don't be the one who chose cause his girlfriend dumped him. He's kissing her ass right now. He has to be or she would have thrown him out. Run. Aren't all your friends telling you to run?

 

somtimes my friends tell me to leave him, but most of the time they're just supportive in listening to my problems. and yes, i know and completely agree with you that he doesn't have a backbone. Leaving the situation is definitely my instinct, I don't want anything to do with this drama anymore.

Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

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[/b]

 

Who knows, I'm not a cop. If she felt threatened, she should have called the police. Surely could have been a whole lot worse, and the lesson here is; don't f other people's boyfriends, in their house, where the girlfriend has a key and can show up unannounced. Consequences... She should adapt your 60 mile rule if she plans on being a serial cheater.

 

 

I'm not a cop, either. I have experience from military, but that is all 20+ years old.

 

But here's two "reasonable man" spins on the situation.

 

1) You are in a parking lot and you see the scene described happen, but can't hear anything said and don't know any of the parties involved. How do you describe the scene to the police? No fair, saying you wouldn't be a witness

 

2). The scene described happens on the front lawn and two policemen see it. Who do you think they will put the cuffs on? Who do you think they will remove from the scene? Not even in my little town filled with everyone who knows everyone are they going to let the betrayed girlfriend stick around. They may not arrest her, but they will probably take her to the station and let her cool down.

canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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No, she has her own apartment but apparently has keys to his house.

 

Omg they don't even live together. I would of looked at him and said "do you want me to leave" and if he said yes then I'd be gone forever. If he said no I'd tell her to get the f____ out! Come on its only his gf, she sounds like a psycho maybe that's why he's cheating on her. Take care of you and the hell with his soon to be xgf!

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Omg please run. This gut is not worth it.

 

i know, i know :/

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Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

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she's not. i was gonna leave this part out but she's a heroin user..:sick:

 

 

Oohhh, crap. Oh crap, oh crap.

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canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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i know, i know :/

 

Is he a user too?

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brittanyanderson Member

brittanyanderson

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Omg they don't even live together. I would of looked at him and said "do you want me to leave" and if he said yes then I'd be gone forever. If he said no I'd tell her to get the f____ out! Come on its only his gf, she sounds like a psycho maybe that's why he's cheating on her. Take care of you and the hell with his soon to be xgf!

 

Their relationship is so unhealthy and i know for a fact that their relationship will not last much longer. But I'm so exhausted from this ****, I have no desire to stick around and wait for that any longer. I'm just so tired of it. Done.

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canuckprincess Established Member

canuckprincess

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Is he as well? How long have they been together?

 

They've only been together 2 years.

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