CantLetGo36 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I recently got in a big fight with my (now ex) bf of many years over a female friend of his who I thought was was flirting with him. He almost broke up with me that night, and told me "you're so fragile" and said I was too insecure. I don't know if that's true, or if he is the one who treated me badly. It's driving me crazy, so I think your outside perspective could really help. The fight started over a female close friend posting comments on his Facebook that I thought were flirtatious. These are her comments on his FB that I thought were flirty: - "Cook for me baby kitty" - "Sarabear misses Jeffypoo" - "I love Jeff's meat, Jeff's meat is the best meat" on a pot of meat my bf had cooked. - Lastly, my bf referred to a picture as "So majestic" and his female friend said "Like you" Her comments (above) bothered me because they seemed like flirting - and he would respond to/ encourage them. However, my bf insisted that's just her personality and she didn't mean anything by it. She even has a serious boyfriend and my ex is good friends with him. My bf said she was special to him, but not in a romantic way. This had come up before, and I asked why he wouldn't stop if it made me uncomfortable, and he said "I shouldn't have to stop." He almost broke up with me that night and said "you're so fragile" and I was too insecure. From my perspective, I can't see how her comments AREN'T flirting - especially a sexual joke about his "meat". After we broke up, I even saw a pic of her sitting on his lap, but she does have a serious bf and has a lot of close guy friends, so I don't know if it means anything.. Am I being too sensitive, and is it likely she wasn't flirting with him and I am just overreacting? We were in a serious relationship and it's over now, but I want to know if I need to work on myself, or if he treated me badly.
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I know loads of girls who wouldn't have liked that. I don't think your being over sensitive
Author CantLetGo36 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Thanks! I felt like I was going crazy... it hurts since I feel like I was disrespected by him, and her =(
mschocolat Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 No, you are not being sensitive. You are completely normal to feel that way. The thing is, you two have worked it out together if your boyfriend really loves you. He should have apologised and take appropriate action. That's how I see everything in a relationship. If two people really care about each other, no matter what the problems are, they will try figure out the ways to make things better.
Sneaky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I can definitely see how it would make you uncomfortable. I'm not sure how her own boyfriend does not feel the same. Regardless, your boyfriend should have stopped it after you told him it made you feel uncomfortable not challenged you because he 'shouldn't have to.' (What kind of a non-reason is that anyway.) It was disrespectful and he should have taken your feelings into account, end of story.
flitzanu Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 is your ex boyfriend banging this girl pal of his? has he ever banged her? also, it's facebook, not real life.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Ugh... No, you're not sensitive. It makes me feel uncomfortable reading all that. Maybe it's she who likes to flirt with him, doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, some women are like this, but your ex seems to encourage her comments. And that comment about his meat...mmm very disturbing. I'd talk to him. If he really wants to be with you, he needs to stop replying her comments. If he cannot do this for you, you need to dump him. Good luck ugh
jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I had problems like this with my ex gf for the longest time, flirting with her "bestfriend" they had nicknames for each other and told each other they loved one another and i tried my hardest to get her to realize what she was doing was wrong and it hurt me, but she claimed they were just friends and it was normal she would continue to talk to him all the time she talked to him and told him that she can't talk like that because shes in a relationship but she kept him around and he continued to chase her calling her sweet names saying he misses her, god it got on my last nerve but i was to weak to do anything about it. don't let him get away with this free handed because he will do it again, show him that it gets you upset and you dont like it. i hated it so much now that i think back it hurt my heart so much reading all that bs.
Sneaky Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 is your ex boyfriend banging this girl pal of his? has he ever banged her? also, it's facebook, not real life. Can I just say how insensitive your first questions are? Do you really think the OP is better off wondering about that right now? Also I'm really confused by the "not real life" comment. Clearly his behavior on facebook has a real life impact. 1
Talulah Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 is your ex boyfriend banging this girl pal of his? has he ever banged her? also, it's facebook, not real life. Facebook, e-mails, it's how it starts...
Author CantLetGo36 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you everyone for your replies, it helps to know I'm not crazy for having been upset. I did try talking to him about it, but it escalated into a huge fight because he refused to stop, and I kept pushing too hard about it. It escalated to the point where he almost broke up with me. We broke up soon after, because of that fight and being distant in many ways. But for some reason, this issue is sticking in my head and I associate it as leading to the break-up. I tried to stand up for myself, but it only seemed to push him away the more I talked to him about it... and the end result was a break-up. >.< I know it's for the best, but he still thinks I was the crazy and insensitive one, it feels unfair.
Author CantLetGo36 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Would you say how she was acting was definitely flirting? Or could it have just been jokes between good friends?
jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Would you say how she was acting was definitely flirting? Or could it have just been jokes between good friends? yea its very easy to tell when someone is flirting, or just being friendly and that was for sure flirting going on. be careful and don't let your guards down just because he says he will stop doesn't mean they won't text each other/ flirt some other way you can't see. not trying to make you feel insecure but i'm just letting you know i had this problem too and even though i confronted her she still continued to do it anyway just where my eyes couldn't see.
flitzanu Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Can I just say how insensitive your first questions are? Do you really think the OP is better off wondering about that right now? Also I'm really confused by the "not real life" comment. Clearly his behavior on facebook has a real life impact. you can say that, but that's usually the accusation. anytime any of my female friends would comment things like this to me, i'd be accused of sleeping with them, or lying about sleeping with them, or wanting to sleep with them. there's no real danger in harmless flirting...it's when your significant other starts seeing the other person as a perceived threat that it becomes an issue. and as for facebook...it's facebook. facebook is not real life. posting things on facebook is not the same thing as saying these things to each other in real life.
flitzanu Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Facebook, e-mails, it's how it starts... but as stated, these two are "bff" in real life. they don't have to develop some secret virtual friendship because they are already friends. now, to be clear, i'm not saying the OP shouldn't feel hurt or insecure by it, but what i'm telling you is...i've been THAT GUY thinking that it's totally fine to have a female friend like this because there's NOTHING GOING ON. that's why he's likely being so adamant about them just being friends. he's going to feel like you're now invading his ability to have and maintain friendships and trying to control his life, blah blah. you're not...but that's what he's gonna think, because that's how i felt when this stuff would happen to me.
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