diamond25 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Hi, I have been reading a lot of posts on here since my breakup but this is my first post. I'll try to explain... My ex dumped me months ago for someone else he had just met. I know I didn't deserve the way he treated me during and since the breakup, as I had always treated him well. He irrationally blamed me for a lot of his problems, although he said he didn't hate me and wasn't angry at me. I was and still am hurt and angry that he could basically break up with me for no good reason. The problem is that his new girlfriend is basically amazing. Please spare me the lecture about how I shouldn't be stalking online. I know that wasn't a good idea but I did it anyway and this is what I know -- she definitely has more money, more of a social life and more professional success than me. I know there are reasons I'm not where she is. I had a hard childhood and we did not have much money. I am a newcomer to the area and she grew up here. She is a fair bit older than me so she had more time to advance in her career, become a better cook and all the other things she does better than me. I know I am smart and pretty, but then again so is she. I am musical, but so is she. I have an interesting background, am well-traveled, independent and compassionate. But I would not be surprised if she had those traits too. Or maybe I come out on top in a few small ways, but she is overall the better package. My ex might have been a jerk to me, but he traded up, and who could blame him for that? I am trying to be patient with myself and work to improve my life. It's just -- how can I stop feeling so damn inferior in the meantime? Thanks.
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Don't take it personally. I don't think he saw her as an upgrade, maybe he has more in common with her. I know girls who have left good looking guys for " average " ones. It's weird why we like some people. I have liked some girl I really wouldn't consider " my type " Doesn't mean she is better than you in any way. You can find someone who he might think is better than him.
Legatus Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Hi diamond25, I am sorry to hear about what happened to you.. I somehow understand your feelings. I'm not saying you have a good reason to keep feeling like that, but our minds play with us all the time. "Better" is very subjective term in my opinion. I think what happened here is that he found someone more suitable to his taste. Who cares about money or career? I wish for a woman who's passionate about her life, is intelligent and can laugh about smallest things on earth. And such a person will always be BETTER and SUPERIOR to someone who cares only about money... It's up to you to change your mindset. Believe me, you can meet someone that you will mean a world to, someone who can appreciate your uniqueness. I didn't have a great childhood myself. I do feel inferior to other men sometimes, and also for weird/silly/stupid/howeverYouCallIt reasons (you would laugh a lot if I told you!), but I don't let it dictate my life, nor allow it to get me down.. You shouldn't let it get you down too. Every package is the best package for a right person! 1
Author diamond25 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Thank you guys. I do appreciate it. I know saying "maybe you were just not compatible" is standard and, in many cases, true. And maybe it is true here but I always want to scream whenever someone says that. Because the thing is, we were very compatible. We had a lot of the same interest and did everything together. And maybe he and his new girlfriend share some similiarities that he and I don't. But no one is 100% compatible they are also doing things together that he always told me he didn't like. And trust me, when he was with me, he did what he wanted. I never tried to make him do anything he didn't want to, and he never would have anyway. I know you will say, "well you are better off without him." And probably that's true. Only it really hurts to know he is changing for her, when he would never compromise with me. Like she is worth trying harder for so he was justified in throwing me away. Ugh. Sorry. 1
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 We're all pilgrims on the road to the grave. We're all in the same boat. No amount of positive traits will change that fact. You are, even at this very moment, every bit her equal. Don't let anyone tell you any different. 1
Legatus Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You're right nobody is 100% compatible, but he may see it differently. He may have calculated that with her the percentage is greater. You never know. Therefore there is no need to focus on something like that. She's getting better version of him? Well I know that feeling, actually I still do but the reality is that there is a good chance other things come up. Balance must be preserved. You focus on your future, being better person yourself and do it for yourself only. I know it hurts, but it will pass and you will realize that you're gonna get someone better as well... 1
Recommended Posts